Question for bottle feeders?

[nettie]

A mutual friend of mine has recently had a baby and has chosen to bottle feed right from the start. Not knowing her well I feel uncomfortable asking her why she as made this choice, don't want her to feel she has to justify herself to me, just interested really on what influences people to decide to bottle feed right from the start.

Please don't turn this into a fight

I bottle fed ebm and I can think of a few;

Maybe she can't
Maybe she doesn't want to
Maybe she doesn't know any better
Its a bit like asking someone why they use real nappies vs disposables.

I think you're right to feel uncomfortable about asking her, it really is her decision and she'll have made it for reasons that either will, or more likely won't, seem persuasive to you. In either case it's not something you should now feel the need to educate her about, although it sounds like you've made this call yourself already.

As for why some people bottle feed from the start - well, speaking from my own experience, I had breast reduction surgery and felt on balance that breastfeeding was likely to be a struggle and just was intimidated by the scale of the task, especially as B is my first baby.

Other women might not like the idea of breastfeeding - remember Jordan's recent comments (and subsequent lynching) about how she didn't "want a baby drinking from her". It's very physical I guess, some of her defenders in the media spoke about how breastfeeding made them feel bovine and other similar stuff. Some women might believe, wrongly, that bottlefeeding is more convenient. Some people also aren't convinced of the health benefits of breastfeeding, usually because their own life experience seems to contradict the findings of controlled research studies.

And so on, really.

Hi nettie. I've got 2 dc and bottle feed. I tried bf both times and failed miserably with sore/cracked nipples and couldn't take the constant feeding. I just couldn't get past the pain and got lots of bad advice re latch from midwives. I remember telling myself after I gave up the first time that I wouldn't bother again but my guilt/conscience made me try again. However, I can see why someone would choose not to if they had the same bad experience. Has she got older dc? Maybe she feels that it gives her more time to spend with them? Or if it's her first then she may have heard negative stories about bf from friends.

Also, my sil has 3 kids and bottle fed all from birth. She assumed that she wouldn't get any milk as her mum didn't get any so didn't bother. I don't know if it did ever come in - I didn't like to ask.

I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable asking her. I always find myself justifying why I bottle feed and feel embarrassed doing it in public. Personally I feel terrible about bottle feeding because all the midwives, health visitors etc tell you it's best and I see and hear of so many others who have been successful and it makes me feel like a failure as a mother. It's a shame that when it comes down to it, they really don't have any idea how to get a baby latched on (not the ones I've been in contact with anyway). Maybe your friend doesn't feel she would get the support she needs.

I bottle fed my 3.
I did try to breast feed eldest. I hated it. It was quite painful and I felt really uncomfortable with the midwives prodding and pulling me.
I didn't want my baby to wake up as I knew I'd have to feed her, and I felt horribly tied to her, like I wouldn't be able to leave her even for a few hours as she would need me to feed her. I shunned visitors in case she wanted to be fed when they were there.
She was a little bit early, so we had to stay in hospital for over a week (though she never went into special care).
It was only when a new midwife turned up that I was able to get a bottle. I think that as I was happier baby was happier and she gained weight and we were soon sent home.
With the other two I went straight for the bottle.

I do appreciate the benefits of breastfeeding, but I think that to keep trying when it makes you miserable and resentful is worse than formula.

My family put me under pressure to bottle feed. I ignored them and persevered with breast for 7 months, when I switched to bottle for a variety of reasons. Maybe she has family like mine who live in the dark ages and find breast feeding uncomfortable to watch!! (Not my DP luckily who was very supportive)
So many reasons why someone would choose one way over the other, I personally think we shouldn't judge anyone's choice. Otherwise we just encourage guilt like GillL feels, which is so wrong and unjustified. Anyone who has breastfed will know how painful it can be to start and how little support there is out there, so no wonder many mothers don't want to try it.

Nettie

I cant understand why you feel the need to even question it.

What does it matter.

Had breast reduction and to be honest I know it si natural but the thought of a baby latched onto my boobs made nme feel ill. I didn;'t get any milk anyway.
her decision

Doesn't matter. I was just interested in what influenced people to make the decision to bottle feed right from the start. I have nothing against bottle feeding, my two ds's where mixed fed and had the dreaded follow on milk. So not casting judgement just interested.