Breastfed first and dreading second time?

[Randomname85]

I know this might be controversial to some but has anyone breastfed their first child and is having serious doubts/aversion about doing it again? I’m 38 weeks pregnant and my daughter is 3.5. Breastfeeding her came easy in that she took to it easily - but she never ever took a bottle or dummy/comfort from anyone else. To this day no one else can get her to bed and I still feed to sleep. I was kinda hoping she’d self wean during pregnancy but she just dry nursed and now it seems my milk has come back in she is feeding like a newborn again😒 she still wakes various times in the night and now it seems like every two hours again for milk. I’m sure people will say I’m too soft but I don’t believe in sleep training etc so that’s not an option.

With this little guy I would like to breastfeed but have serious concerns about him never taking a bottle etc just like her. I’m keen to try to introduce one ASAP this time.

Any insight would be really helpful!

Hi OP, I don’t actually have any experience of this as my DD is 6mo but could you perhaps introduce a bottle early on with your second baby? I waited 8 weeks and that was still the longest among my friends with babies. They introduced bottles/ dummies at various stages and none of them have had any problems continuing to bf! Sorry if you tried this with your first and she refused.

I breastfed dc1 and he was very reluctant to ever take a bottle /dummy and went straight to a cup. With dt I stated earlier with a bottle of expressed milk - one took to it like a duck to water, the other refused. Neither took a dummy.
Each child is different although the midwife told me they're more likely to take a bottle if you start as soon as breastfeeding is established. When I wanted dc to self settle I brought the evening feed forward so they didn't associate feed with sleep.

I really do not think you can feed one DC to 3.5 years which is really extended feeding and not a newborn who will benefit from the antibodies, especially during a pandemic etc. So OP I think you might be worried, but I do not think you will not breastfeed your newborn. He will be the priority. DD should maybe cosleep with her dad for a while if that is a possibility? Have you tried that. I think start with thinking that you will feed your new baby to 6 months, that is what is recommended and see how it goes from there. On the plus side you will probably have a great milk supply from the outset and could you pump and introduce a bottle earlier? As you are an expert hopefully the baby will latch on quite well (assuming no other issues such as tongue tie). I have 4 DC and have breastfed all to at least around 11 months-12 months but some of them to 2. It just worked out that way due to work commitments etc. and I do not think you have to breastfeed every child to the same age etc. Only 1 of my DC liked a bottle easily. Another one I had to really try every day at the same time as she went to nursery at 8 months because I was working 14 hours a day. Babies really are all different. And to reassure you further I have a DD who is 3.5 years old and still cosleeps and would probably still be breastfeeding if I had been able to do it but I had just reached by limit by the time she was about 2. It does not stop her being that way inclined, she is just very affectionate/cuddly etc and it was a bonding thing for her.

Forgot to say my first DD was very stubborn and I tried giving her a bottle from 4 weeks and she refused, I tried many times. I waited that long on the advice of the HV to not compromise breastfeeding. But if your baby latches well you could try much earlier than that. Just be aware that some babies do then prefer a bottle. I have two friends who ended up having to pump breastmilk from 3 to 6 months as their babies refused direct breastfeeding due to liking a bottle more. Sorry I do not want to confuse you more but lots of bottle refuser happily take a sippy cup from about 10 months.

Every child is totally different. My first woke throughout the night for feeds and was a nightmare. My third slept through the night from 3 months old and never had a bottle or dummy or thumb and slept 12 hours a night until about age 7. Always settled awake. Good luck

The aversion in pregnancy is likely to either go away after birth or be confined to your toddler, so that should help. If you're on Facebook, there is a group there called 'Breastfeeding older babies and beyond', full of mums feeding kids from one year old to self-weaning at whatever age that occurs. They're very knowledgeable about tandem feeding, feeding in pregnancy and feeding children, and have loads of advice on gentle weaning too, if feeding is no longer working for you. I suggest joining- you're likely to come across a higher proportion of people who know what it's like to feed 3+ year olds than you are on here.

Just to warn you, introducing a bottle early isn't always a guarantee that baby will take one. I introduced it at 2 hours old and alternated bottle and boob, but by day 4 it was getting more difficult to convince baby to take the bottle and I've ended up having to EBF even though I didn't want to.

Thanks @Babyboomtastic - exactly my concern. I waited till 6 weeks with my first on the advice of the midwife and by then it was too late - I didn’t even know babies refusing a bottle was a thing until then!

Thank you @Randomnessembraced - I will definitely start of BF anyway and it’s not a case of one child taking priority over the other. My daughter has always been very ‘high needs’ and needs a lot of affection (also cosleeps) so the last thing I want to do is push her needs aside as soon as baby comes.

Thanks too @FourPlasticRings I’m actually on that group which I think is fab especially as I’m still feeding my preschooler but I don’t think many people on there are supportive about introducing bottles/dummies early or choosing to combi-feed - I think there’s very much a ‘get on with it you’ll be fine’ kind of attitude.