BFers please reassure me, (unnecessary) worrying yet again

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

I know this will sort itself out but I can't help being a bit worried, please tell me it will be OK!

My 9wk old LO has big problems falling asleep, gets himself hugely overtired, then is unable to sleep and wails etc etc, all complicated by wind/reflux issues. I'm dealing with all these things and feeling like we're getting somewhere slowly.

BUT he can only go to sleep feeding - he won't go down in his cot or basket for any length of time, the only time he stays asleep is if I feed him to sleep and stay with him or if I feed him to sleep then carry him on my shoulder. Sometimes he will sleep in a sling or his chair.

Basically if he gets really overtired at 7pm then I have to go to bed then too because he needs me to lie there while he feeds to sleep. I have visions of having to go to bed at 7pm forevermore! Now he's sleeping a bit better at night there will come a time when I'd really rather be up with his Dad! I ask this here rather than Sleep because I know a lot of you BFers will have experience of comfort feeding and I'm hoping you'll all tell me they grew out of it overnight ... ... last night was a bad one and left me feeling quite down really, just need a bit of reassurance that it gets better. Dummies tried and failed, btw

Should have added, I know there was a thread on this recently but my problem is that LO will not be moved once asleep (just wakes again) so has to be fed in our bed where he sleeps at night. Would have no issues if it didn't mean I too have to go to bed!

Are you happy leaving him in your bed to sleep when you're not in the room? DS is older but is not cooperating with cot sleeping atm, so I stick the bed rail up and keep an eye on him. Or does he wake as soon as you get up?

The alternative is to gently intoiduce him to the cot, putting him in v sleepy but awake, taking him ut if he cries and repeating till he falls asleep. From experience, this can take HOURS and I wouldn't bother with it again, but it does work for some people.

Or could you feed him and put him to sleep in a moses basket and keep him with you, then take him to bed later? Do you have the same probs with a moses basket?

Another alternative is a sling: just feed him and carry him with you in the evening. Haven't tried this one but I know it can be a great help.

The motto to memorise is This Too Shall Pass - you will not be doing the same thing in a few weeks or months, so go with whatever is easiest for now

Dd4 like that - she was fine in the day and went down awake and then when she woke for her night feed wanted to feed all night. Got to a year old when she was feeding more at night than when newborn and we put her in her own room and let her get on with it. 2 nights later and she was sleeping through. Was hard but in the end was so quick - wish i'd been brave enough to do it ages ago. She's 14mths now and still bf and she doesn't bear a grudge - we're both much happier for getting a full nights sleep.

So - we want some practical ideas so you can 'escape' after he's fed to sleep....moses basket which you carefully roll him into when he is at his deepest sleep, and you take off the top you were wearing and put it in with him (would that be a suffociation risk, I wonder...if so, maybe wear a small cloth as he feeds, next to your skin, and then have that in the moses basket as well as you roll him in).

It is perfectly reasonable not want to be upstairs all evening....mother nature assumes you will be with your baby the whole time, asleep or awake, but that was before houses with two floors (one for living, one for sleeping). You and your baby can work towards a gentle compromise

I wondered about leaving the inevitable milky muslin with him. I have doubts that I'll be able to get him into basket - he often wakes if I slide him up beside my pillow to save him suffocating, even if I warm the sheet! I think he's just a really light sleeper. OH suggested letting him fall asleep on a sheet then lifting him on it, might be worth a shor on the same principle I guess.

I don't really mind leaving him in our bed alone, he's not rolling yet, but the question is him not waking up 10 minutes after I have left the room which generally happens! I think he misses the warmth or something. Surely he'll grow out of this ...

Thanks tiktok for reassuring me I'm not being a selfish cow for wanting to have an eensy bit of grownup time after 2 months! That Claire Scott's got me feeling all guilty ...

Hi CSB, sorry to hear you're having trouble. I agree with previous posters, just do whatever is easiest, it will all change over and over again anyway! I found my dd always woke up when I moved her, and I was fairly convinced it was hitting the cold sheet that did it. Feeding her in a grobag or similar really seemed to help - she stayed warm when I put her down and couldn't feel the sheet through it.

I have always fed her to sleep then put her down and she was sleeping 11 hours through the night by 3-4 months old, so I don't think you necessarily have to "train" them, it just depends on the baby.

Does your lo sleep better later in the night? Maybe he is wanting to cluster feed and stock up for the night. At that age mine was feeding almost constantly until about 11pm and would then crash out properly, so I just kept her downstairs with me and tried to gradually bring her bedtime forward.

I used to leave DS2 on his side with a pillow behind his back so he didn't roll and stir. Also, I put a fleece blanket underneath him, which kept him quite warm. Does he have a grobag? This might keep him cosy so he doesn't sense you're not there so much.

This stage does pass, but IIRC, DS1 & 2 stayed downstairs with us at this age until we went up to bed (I'd usually feed him, pass him to DH and then he'd sit with him on his shoulder for the evening). Not ideal for everyone though.

I hate to be the voice of doom, but mine is 11m and still wants to be fed to sleep all night. I'm lucky if I get a 2h stretch of sleep at a time.

We're constantly working on getting him to fall asleep without the boob. It's like a dance: 2 steps forward, 1 to the side and 1 backwards. It's a nightmare, tbh. I know that letting him cry would have sorted this out quickly, but despite the sleep deprivation I'm glad that I haven't (so far!) as he has virtually no separation anxiety.

Whjen we're actively working on improving ds's sleep, dh puts him to sleep at night and goes to him if he wakes earlier than 3h later (in which case I feed him). It involves osme crying, sometimes a lot of crying, but ds is never left alone to cry. Dh stays with him and does whatever it takes to settle him, short of feeding him. We both follow the same strict routine of actions before putting ds in the cot. We find that after 2 or 3 nights like this the crying dimishes and I am able to feed ds and put him down awake at bedtime with virtually no distress. It also means that he wakes less during the night and naps better during the day.

But although we get good weeks, we still havent' cracked it, and ds always tries to feed himself to sleep given the opportunity.

Elizabeth Pantley, The No Cry Sleep Solution has some excellent tips. Well worth buying. The Pantley Pull-Off (you have to read the book ) works!

Baby sleeping bag/grobag - definitely!

CSB I can second EP's second para.

I've had similar probs with DS from around 6 weeks (now 13 weeks). Had the problem of feed to sleep, move to basket, wake up (between 10 - 35 mins later) & scream, feed to sleep, move to basket, wake up & scream .... which could go on for around 3 hours which I could do without. Occasionally he was rocked to sleep instead but repeat scenario. Essentially, I sussed that he needed to fall asleep in position he was going to sleep so started working on it.

I bought baby whisperer and no cry sleep solution, adapting a bit of each but found that what worked one night didn't always work the next, so won't go into many details. I ignored the advice to work on naps and just went for night sleep (naps still a nightmare ). The key was (and still is) to put him down calm and sleepy enough to fall asleep. If he starts crying (he doesn't really cry down) was/is to intervene. The only other thing I have is the heartbeat sound from the noise box which comes with a sleep bear (bought from blooming marvellous) This occasionally (not always ) puts him to sleep rather than starting to fuss. Still working on things but have now known him to put himself to sleep after early morning feed .

Now if only he would fall into a regular feeding and sleeping routine.

Sorry for long post but whinging baby on knee so don't have time to revise.

Chubby, I know all about these light sleeping feed-to-sleep dummy-hating bf babies. I have had 2.

With dd, my first, I went to bed at 7 pm with her for more than a year - those nights were so long! With ds, I am wiser ...

Don't worry about ds falling asleep feeding or being a light sleeper. Your ds will grow out of it, hth. Dd 4 now falls asleep on her own (ok, I have to be in bed with her) and sleeps through like a log.

If your ds is a light sleeper (ie wakes when moved), you can bf him to sleep lying down in bed, with you on the outer side, and then sneeeee-a-k off. Now it is 10 minutes before he wakes, but that interval will quickly lengthen as he gets older. Expect set-backs, like teething. Keep the monitor on and if he even squeaks or changes breathing, rush up and bf him down again.

Alternatively, since you said he sleeps better in a sling or chair, does he sleep in the buggy? You can either bf dd to sleep and then lower him into the chair/buggy (would not work with my los because they would wake) or simply wheel him to sleep in the buggy and leave him there (dh and I would wheel my los to sleep in our kitchen with the lights off). The advantage of this is that if ds wakes before you are ready to go to bed, you can just rock him back to sleep. If your buggy has a detachable car seat, even better. When you are ready to go to bed, transfer it upstairs next to bed and then carry him into bed (or leave him next to bed until he wakes) and bf to settle.

Hopefully this will allow you to steal some time alone with dh.

Oooooooh thank you thank you!

PrettyCandles - not voice of doom! - I have a definite gut feeling he is reliant on feeding and will remain so. Same as I knew even at 30wks pregnant he wasn't going to turn (breech). I just have a feeling ...! Suspect gently working on it now might be best so will try grobag. Currently any sleep is precious - he's rubbish when tired, just howls and thrashes instead of doing the logical thing and having a snooze! - but for me getting naps in cot in daytime might be best place to start. Have managed a few 15 minute ones but always put down asleep. Pram v occasionally works but usually wakes after 10 and gets frenzied.

I think need to feed to sleepy then put down, just scared of repercussions if fails . Wish he would cry down but he just gets manic until boob is offered again!