Not breastfeeding stories

[EllaWt]

Hello Ladies
I am , for a variety of reasons, thinking that I will not breastfeed after baby is born. Did any of you made this choice and could share your stories? How did you fend off the NhS breastfeeding brigade, how did you fall into a routine, what has it meant for you physically etc. Any experience will be so greatly appreciated

Bump

I had a mad bf journey. Basically couldn’t do it. It got obsessed with trying and went totally mad before formula saved us both.
My DH was pro formula from the off which helped. He loved feeding DS and I think it helped with bonding.
A family friend told me that not to think of ff as ‘bad’ and bf as ‘good’. They’re both good options. There isn’t actually any large scale studies into bf which exclude social factors which show any benefits beyond the babies having colostrum. There are studies showing the benefits and the WHO guidelines say it’s best til age 2 BUT this is world wide and it’s very under reported that the main benefit is that bm is sterile. There is poor education over ff correctly and there are huge issues with water quality in large parts of the world. That’s why they have said bf is better. Those issues with ff don’t apply in the developed world (I’m assuming that’s where you are!).
If you take a random baby somewhere in the world and ask “if it better of bf or ff?” then the answer is probably bf because you don’t know the water quality or formula safety issues. In the U.K. it’s a non issue.
Good luck whatever you decide to do! X

I had a similar experience, desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t really get the hang of it and DS was unwell from birth and had a bad tongue tie which was missed, so it all ended up a bit fraught. I was, at day 15, feeding a mad combination of expressed milk from a bottle so getting the best of neither world! My midwife actually asked me why I was torturing myself. She was completely happy to find me some support but could see me sat there crying and just very gently suggested it was absolutely fine to FF and really it wasn’t worth torturing myself over. It’s lovely because you can actually get some sleep while your partner does a feed and I didn’t really find it too much of a faff.

Thank @Onekidnoclue @BadgertheBodger ... so hard to find info relating to this as everything is so biased towards breastfeeding... its like ok Im not going to do it but I have no clue where to start

For me I knew that I never wanted to even try breastfeeding or expressing breast milk. I knew it wasn't for me. So I didn't. I've never regretted not trying it and won't be if I have more children in the future.

You’re so right about everything being bias towards breastfeeding. It pisses me off a treat! I’ve got a science background and like research and data and get so annoyed about these ‘facts’ that are trotted out when actually all the ‘evidence’ is anecdotal or the studies are tiny and mothers were paid to bf or they ignore other factors.
I’ve been extremely hurt by people saying “... and unicef/the WHO say it’s better’. Yes they do and for many people it is but that’s because the formula option is shitty in an awful lot of countries and they’re addressing the entire world. Plus the fact that formula can be expensive is put down as a massive negative (quite fairly imho) in many research papers covering very poor countries.
If you’re living in a shanty town with fuck all money and spending what little you have on formula and making it with unsanitary water then bf would be better for the baby (assuming that’s an option). Where were in a fortune position to afford it and make it safely it a different kettle of fish!
Sorry for the rant. I’m a bit obsessed! I’ve had some extremely hurtful comments that really stung about ‘not wanting the best for my baby’ and now I’ve got a bit of distance I’m more angry than upset! I also had a friend tell me that I was cruel not to breastfeed as it contains painkillers so when my baby had his jabs they would hurt him but wouldn’t if I had bf. I think you need to be prepared for this level of pro bf nuttery!

I chose to formula feed both my kids. I only had one midwife who tried to put a bit of pressure on me starting when I was pregnant. I listened the first couple of times and then said, thanks for the information but I’m still going to ff. I told her that she was wasting her time after her third speech on the benefits of bf but she was very dedicated to the cause so continued. Looking back she was rude and dismissive of my choice and I’d probably react differently now. When I’d had my baby and she came to do a home visit, she picked up a bottle of milk from the sofa and looked at it in disgust. 🙄 She made a couple of comments so I said I didn’t need or want her judgement, he was my baby, not hers and that she needs to give up now. I told her that I was tired and was feeling like I might not be as polite as had been if she carried on. That was it.
I did find the midwives in hospital just left me to it as well, no care or advice, some seemed a bit judgemental but I’m not someone who is easily intimidated. I’d had a horrendous birth and I couldn’t care less what they thought.
I didn’t get any judgement that I noticed from other mums, but I wouldn’t have cared if I did. I made the decision that was right for me.

Both my kids fell into a routine fairly early. They both slept through the night from 6/7 weeks.

I had difficult births with both my children and didn’t feel fully back to normal for 3 months. I was glad that my partner could feed our babies so that I could rest. After my first baby I weighed less than I did pre pregnancy, within 2 months. With my second I was back to pre pregnancy weight within 4 months.

I was glad I chose to ff. It was easy and that’s what I wanted. I have friends who bf and they all found it really difficult. It was the right choice for them though and they’re glad they did it. Years later all our kids are healthy and happy.

I'm combi feeding so not the same, but I just wanted to say it was the midwives who encouraged us to use formula and talked about the importance of mum being happy, relaxed and not stressing trying to bf. So don't assume all midwives will try and force you into bf. Congratulations as well!

My marriage was ending when my second child was born, I needed to get out of the house and to get back to work quickly so chose to not breastfeed. It was right for me really didn't care what others had to say. He is now 17, of to college to study music is 6ft'4 tall and we genuinely have the closest relationship possible.
I know it seems a huge decision now but you need to do what works for you and your family.

I never breastfed either.

My midwife and I planned to do colostrum with my first, but I got moved to hospital and didn't feel like exposing myself to someone I hadn't seen before, so it never happened. Then she didn't suggest it with second (I suspect because she was too affected by his terrible birth to realise she had to do that, she also completely forgot to assess his oxygen content...) and the one time I did it with my youngest I found it sooooooo toe-curlingly horrible I'd never had carried on with it for love nor money. I had been open to combi feeding and I would have had sterling support, but the BF part repelled me no end.

Don't worry about all the guidelines. I've never had any issues and we make bottles from a thermos with boiled water and cold water from the tap. We sterilise every time all our bottles are used up. IMO the guidelines make people overly anxious and seem to be made so impractical to discourage FF.

As to feeding, get PRE formula as you can give that on demand. You can keep a made bottle for an hour or so at room temp (info from hospital), after that, it should be discarded.
I never had issues with overly windy babies or whatever, so we just used the bottles we bought, which were Avent. We have a microwave steriliser, which is a must.

We moved up to formula No. 1 once I found baby wasn't satisfied with PRE anymore (getting hungry more quickly). Then we moved up to No. 2 just because it's cheaper.

I'm not in the UK, though, so I can't comment on fending off BF brigades.

I formula fed, loosely tried to BF but neither me or baby took to it after a handful of tries and I was really ok with that. I think mums mental health is really important and I can honestly say I wouldn't have been anywhere near as good a mother if I was sleep deprived having to do every single feed every single day. My husband helps loads and in the early days we would take a whole night each so one of us had a good nights sleep, the other got to have a lie in. I'll be going straight to formula with my 2nd in December too. Only downside would be the cost not only for formula but for bottles too. We have about 10 bottles though to save on the "horrendous faff of sorting bottles" everyone seems to say is such a negative oh formula feeding (aka 5 minutes of washing bottles and popping in the steriliser)

Ff my first will be with my 2nd (currently 37 weeks). I have 2 perfect prep machines set up (1 upstairs, 1 downstairs) and the tiny bottles of SMA with the presterilised teats in the hospital bag so I don't have to rely on asking/ hospital providing.

With DD1 - I did for the first 1-2 days re colostrum and then moved straight over to FF. Plan is the same for this one - both for family feeding, space for me and just personal preference. Having gone through the research - the benefits of bf are real but frankly minuscule for a child in a developed country with parents who are financially secure.

Thanks everyone for sharing, it's lovely to hear such diverse experiences and strong women who are secure and confident in their choices. Thank you thank you

My first couldn't bf so I combi fed expressed breast milk and formula before just doing formula. I beat myself up about it but nobody cares once they are no longer babies! Current newborn is also combi fed but partially from breast- she has a tongue tie though so not sure how long I'll survive the pain! Mental health is more important than physical benefits of bf imo.

I am looking forward to my husband being able to help with the feeding. I am also looking forward to being able to spend time with my eldest child without worrying about my new baby not getting fed.

The pressure is ridiculous. My eldest was FF, she's rarely ill, she sleeps well, she's a picture of health. And my mental health was better for it.

I liked the fact we settled into a routine quickly, I also liked that we could monitor how much milk she was drinking.

Good luck to you!

When in hospital, milk doesn't come through straight away so midwives usually fine you ff, they provide mini bottles. When hv or anyone else asks I said I have a breast pump as I don't like them on the boob. That's it. We wanted to bottle feed. Husband helps, it's not much of a faff. My neighbour did it over 60 years ago with hers and her kids are Drs and head of finance. Me and brothers ff, there are an architect and prof of engineering. Can't be to bad!

I think it's fucking laughable that you and a PP think everything is biased towards BFing because the UK has dismal rates for it actually.

I respect a woman's choice to feed her baby in a way that suits her and her baby's needs. I don't think pitting formula against breast milk helps anyone and if you don't want to do it nobody can make you! You'll probably find that the reason everyone asks is because then they should be offering you support with BF if you need it, not because they are making a judgment on your choice. Usually it's because women have internalised guilt about not BFing and then are over sensitive to perceived judgement about formula, but as long as you aren't letting your baby go hungry nobody is going to lose any sleep about how you choose to do it.

Once you get into a rhythm with making up bottles, washing and sterilising you'll be grand.

*You'll probably find that the reason everyone asks is because then they should be offering you support with BF if you need it, not because they are making a judgment on your choice.

I think you only have to read some of the many feeding threads on here to know that many people do judge unfortunately. It’s a shame as it does so much damage to some women.

Usually it's because women have internalised guilt about not BFing and then are over sensitive to perceived judgement about formula,

I wasn’t at all sensitive about not breastfeeding. I never even entertained the idea, I knew I didn’t want to do it. It was hard to ignore the judgmental attitude and looks from my midwife though. Instead of feeling judged, I just thought she was a bit obsessive and interfering. I didn’t really know what to make of her. Looking back she was very rude and definitely judgemental but I knew my own mind, I’ve never been one to be pressured into anything, her judgment was a bit wasted on me.

I’m afraid I agree with @BeautifulCrazy there are definitely some breastfeeding advocates in the U.K. who believe it is their duty to cajole or bully all new mums into bf.
Perhaps it varies by area but I was sent by the MW to a bf counseller who told me there is never a reason not to bf aside from laziness and I just needed to try harder. I was told by a midwife to ignore how much I was bleeding as blood and breast milk are pretty much the same. I was told by another MW that if I really ‘couldn’t be bothered’ bf then I should just sleep while my husband milked me as he’d want what was best for our baby so he’d be prepared to express me every two hours through the night if I was too lazy.
These are the professionals. To be honest I actually found the other mums who went on and on about how they found it a bit tough to but just ‘tried harder’ and we’re fine even harder to fend off.
I totally agree that overall bf rates in the U.K. are low but I can assure you that the number of people who told me that breast is best pretty aggressively (generally unprompted) was actually alarmingly high.

@Onekidnoclue I am horrified you had to go through this... So sorry and sending you big hugs

@Patapouf I think it's a cultural difference and maybe you're right I perceive this more... in France where I am from most of my girlfriends and some midwives exchange tips on how to deal with your boobs when not BF, here it's the complete opposite

Thanks @EllaWt I was upset at the time but now I’m mega pissed off! New mothers can be very vulnerable and need facts and support not bullying and made up nonsense served as science.

It was hard to ignore the judgmental attitude and looks from my midwife though. Instead of feeling judged, I just thought she was a bit obsessive and interfering. I didn’t really know what to make of her. Looking back she was very rude and definitely judgemental

I had this exact experience with my health visitor, except in my case I was asking for advice on breastfeeding and her only help was to suggest giving formula. She very clearly saw this as the right answer and didn't want to help me otherwise. So, I think it's down to individuals as much as any official messaging.

Best of luck, OP. Being comfortable with your choices is a key part to lots of aspects of parenting in my experience. There's lots of options and doing what you think is best for you and your baby is important.