Please help.. I’m at breaking point.

[Syra]

My son is 13 weeks old and I am seriously struggling with breastfeeding. I don’t know what to do.

He’s a happy baby generally, he sleeps well and he is gaining weight no problem.

My problem is that over the past two weeks he’s become incredibly fussy and distracted with daytime feeds. To get him to latch on I have to bounce and walk upstairs and around the house while kind of leaning over him. It’s a ridiculous sight and he’s very heavy and it’s killing my back.

He latches on no problem first thing in the morningand for feeds in the middle of the night where he’s not fully alert and awake.

I think he could be teething. I’m not entirely sure.

But I feel like I’m trying to perform acrobatics to try and distract him enough to shove my boob in his mouth. It’s insane. I would love someone to come to the house observe him and the feeds and offer some help but my health visitor is no use and a zoom call isn’t going to help. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone.

Firstly I wanted to say congratulations for getting to 13 weeks breastfeeding - that’s an amazing achievement. I don’t think I have any specific advice on the difficulties you’re facing at the moment, but I would definitely recommend seeking the help of a breastfeeding peer supporter or lactation consultant. I don’t know what area you’re in, but where I’m based they are definitely offering remote support. I personally didn’t find health visitors that helpful with regard to breastfeeding either. Have you tried posting on a breastfeeding Facebook group? They usually have lots of knowledgable people around to offer advice,

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/breastfeeding-help-support/

This website has various phone helplines that might be able to offer advice.

Hi there. Didn’t want to read and run as I know how hideously lonely it can be when baby won’t settle and apparently you’re the only one who ever manages to! From what you’re saying it sounds like pretty normal behaviour for that age. They really start to wake up and get stronger as you leave the fourth trimester and they get serious FOMO if they can’t have a good nosey at what is going on around them. Both of mine I’ve ended up spending hours sat on a birthing ball bouncing them to get them to feed or my first baby I had to take her into a dark room and lie down to feed. Would either of those be an option for you? Or failing that what about baby wearing and learning to feed in a carrier? My second has pretty much lived in the ergobaby as he didn’t like to be put down and it meant I could just drop him down a bit and feed him without needing all the hands in the world and breaking my back. If you think he’s teething then how about some teething gel and a dose of calpol to see if that helps?

It’s a really tough age but I promise it does get better. Fussiness and general inability to settle at that age is super normal, and super SUPER annoying too. Just try out all of the things you can possibly think of and you’ll find the way. Side lying feeding was definitely a lifesaver for us though!

It will pass. I can promise you that phases like this one don’t last long. Keep on going!

I didn't bag but many of my friends did and they used the modesty covers, not for modesty but to stop them getting distracted, may help?

That sounds awful. Pat yourself on the back massively, you are doing so well to get this far and to persevere When mine are little it is usually a stage and they get over it. However, short term, what about a sling for feeds, to take a bit of the strain? You can artfully arrange a wrap to enable boob access while retaining use of your hands. I did a lot of bouncing on a birth ball with baby in sling just to get a bit of peace at that stage. This might help too kellymom.com/hot-topics/fussy-while-nursing/

Bag? Bf

Little expletives I meant to say!

Definitely second the FOMO and feel for anyone looking support atm. Maybe stupid question but at these times are you feeding him because he’s showing hunger cues? Could he just not be that hungry? What happens if you wait longer to feed?

I had this exact thing with DD at about that age. In the end I used to sit on my labour ball or more usually put her in the carrier and walk round with her feeding. Took a bit of practice but then was fine.

A few weeks later she suddenly stopped, I was able to feed normally again and stayed that way until we stopped at 18 months.

You are doing really well. I hope it will pass for you too.

It’s been a few years since I breastfed but it all sounds very familiar. Babies do seem to get very distracted as they get older generally. But if he’s happy, sleeping well and gaining weight then I think you are doing really well.

Awww bless you, definitely get in touch with a lactation specialist! It could be helpful to hear any suggestions they may have, nothing to lose right? If you have someone living with you they could perhaps record to show the specialist ? Also could baby possibly be having a tummy troubles/colic phase? My baby was really fussy at breast for a while, but i realised she was quite gassy so i gave her infacol/extra tummy time to provide some relief.

Think these things might have been mentioned already, however my LO got more efficient at eating by that age, so didn't want to feed as long. He actually wasnt hungry when I tried to feed and wanted to play or look at things. Also a dark room sometimes helped!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

I think one of the problems may be that he’s gotten more efficient at eating and doesn’t really need to feed as long or as often. The problem is naps.. although he pulls away from me it’s the only way he’ll fall asleep so I need to try and feed him. Maybe I just need to find new ways to get him to sleep.

I’ll definitely phone a lactation consultant tomorrow and videoing his behaviour is a great idea.

I’ll not been able to master the whole feeding in a sling thing but I’ll give that a go as well.

Thank you. Just knowing other people have been through this stage makes me feel less alone.

My baby is also mainly fed to sleep but has recently started pulling off a lot when I've tried to get him to sleep. So what I've been doing is trying to feed when he first wakes up so he's not starving but stopping once he starts looking around getting distracted and then feeding again just before sleep when he is tired. This seems to work a bit better (not all the time) as it means he is a bit hungry and wants to feed before sleep and then still nods off.

Have you tried a ring sling? You can feed in them and its fine if they fall asleep in them too - its fairly easy to lower baby into basket/cot when you unclip it too. We've done it a few times (definitely helps with the distractions) but it's the only thing that works for one of the mums in our NCT group.

@pregnantncnc I haven’t but you’re the second person to recommend one so I’ve just ordered one online. Fingers crossed he likes it!

That was the worst phase of breastfeeding! Even tougher than the pain in the beginning. Starting at 12 weeks DD was so easily distracted by everything and would refuse to latch even though she was hungry, and was too impatient to suck until the led-down. Resulted in many crying fits and sometimes I had to carry/rock her around until she fell asleep and then feed immediately after waking where she was still drowsy. A few times I got it wrong and she was crying because she was not hungry but I fed too much and made her sick. Felt terrible afterwards but babies are robust little things.

Things got much easier when she started solids and the fussiness/nursing strikes disappeared around 7-8 months. I also read somewhere that babies take a majority of their milk at night, so if she's doing good night feeds then a few daytime tantrums or missed feeds shouldn't be a problem.

Try to hang in there! There is no "right" way and there were so many days/nights where I had no absolutely no idea what I was doing. But we somehow muddled through and still going at 18months.

Wanted to add that I ended up creating a "feeding environment" which was side-lying on a bed in a cool, darkened room with a baby music toy playing so she associates the music with relaxation/sleep. No interruptions or distractions at all. Even DH popping in the room was enough to set her off.

This worked well but it meant I was barely able to go out since she would only feed at home. Feeding in restaurants or in public was impossible because she hated all the noise and light. It was difficult at the time but looking back it was just a few months and passed in a blip.

I’m not sure I can last another week never mind 3 months. I have a 2 year old who I can’t leave alone to go into a dark room multiple times a day. I have no family support due to covid19.

I really want to keep going but this might be end for us if it doesn’t pass soon.

Is it still the napping that’s the problem and he’s getting enough milk? Have you managed to find another way to nap?
Dc2 is 4 months and won’t feed to sleep anymore but the pram works for us.
I either push the pram back and forth on the spot or put it beside the kitchen extractor fan.
Dummy’s are supposed to be great for sleep but I could never get mine to use them.

@spicelader yes it’s just naps really. I’m not concerned about him not getting enough.

My eldest would take a dummy, feed to sleep and I could walk him in the pram. My baby won’t take a dummy, I’ve tried lots. He used to feed to sleep but he won’t do that anymore. I can’t walk in the pram because my eldest won’t go in a pram and can’t keep up with the walking I’d need to do to get him to sleep. I guess I’ll need to just push the pram in the house.