Preparing for breastfeeding when you “failed” the first time?

[BabyofMine]

My first baby I intended to breastfeed to the point I didn’t buy bottles or formula.

From the moment we first tried to breastfeed she screamed and screamed whenever I tried. I did manage to latch her sometimes with difficulty. I breastfed here and there, for a few months but she was basically wholly formula fed as my confidence failed, I didn’t know what I was doing, and I had no support. So I more or less gave up without giving it a proper go. It is one of the biggest regrets in my life.

So I’m planning on another baby and don’t want to go in with the attitude of everything will work out - because I know it doesn’t! I feel like I need to research, read some books or something!

So my question is does anyone have any recommendations on things that could help with preparing for breastfeeding that might help me succeed with a second baby? Has anyone been in this position, not been able to breastfeed their first, but succeeded with the second? Any advice would be brilliant.

Nipple shields help with latching. Even if you can’t get this baby to latch you can still express and feed part breast part formula so a double electric breast pump and a hands free bra ( I recommend Medela) could be a good shout. Join La leche league UK Facebook group and Can i breastfeed in it off topic discussion Facebook group for practical help.

Find a good lactation consultant and have them on standby. Use them in the first weeks. Worth every penny If you want to bf but are really struggling.
I had one failed bf baby and I grieved that for months. Almost burst into tears for weeks afterward if I saw a mum feeding.
My second was twins. I didn’t 100% bf but it was at least two thirds bf and one third formula after loads of research and hard work I bf for over a year.
I found the hardest thing was thinking baby was hungry all the time because they were rooting. People constantly told me I didn’t have enough milk. This is so far from the truth and a baby who is bf will root and want to suck all the time. It’s normal as they are sucking to tell your body to make more milk for the next day! Formula fed babies are completely stuffed For a long time after a feed and so won’t root as much normally. My NCT instructor told me that Formula was like a Sunday roast and breast milk was like a salad. Many people compare babies who are ff and expect bf babies to act the same way but this is very often not the case and unfair to compare the two. The comparison can very easily undermine bf and make the women think the baby isn’t getting enough.
I strongly recommend Kellymom website for loads of info. Research now and have all the bf info / websites / support at hand before baby comes

It may seem obvious but put your baby to the breast as soon after birth as possible.

La leche league are amazing. I’d read their book: ‘the womanly art of breastfeeding,’ now, and keep it to troubleshoot.

Good websites: kellymom and la leche league

Note down the la leche helpline too. It’s staffed by experienced bf mothers. 0345 120 2918

Things I’d buy: nipple shields, nipple shells (don’t wear for too long, but great for enforcement or to prevent sore nipples rubbing), lansinoh cream, mam compression pads (expensive but worth it for first few weeks), reusable breast pads from boots (much more comfy), cooling/warming gel pads (incredible for pain and enforcement when milk comes in),haakaa pump for reducing engorgement and expressing effortlessly from one side while bf on the other.

Make sure your bras and tops aren’t tight or pressing on your boobs, to avoid mastitis.

It’s teally rare not to have challenges and obstacles when breastfeeding- I had loads with my firstborn (twins) and without advice and help I wouldn’t have managed. I’d say to listen to all experienced opinions as it’s very much trial and error.

Try and feed within an hour of birth, even if you have a csection (all of mine were csections. Ask midwives for help to feed within an hour and keep reminding!)

Seconding (thirding? whatevering) the recommendation of the Kellymom resources, their site is great.

The one thing I would like you to know is that, if breastfeeding is bad at any point, it can get better really fast with the right adjustments. So, ensure you have as many resources available to you as possible to help figure out those adjustments if needed, but from a mental standpoint please know that when you're having those "I can't do this" moments - which you're bound to have occasionally! - then the route to getting back to things feeling manageable may be much shorter than you fear.

Google 'timeline of a breastfed baby'. That really helped me in those I need to give up moments! Aldo don't let anyone tell you they're feeding too much, you can't have enough milk. It's normal for tiny babies to feed lots, their tummies are tiny and you need them to do that to increase your milk supply x

It could be that your baby had tongue tie. I would ask for your new baby to be checked for it when they are born. You can have younger tie snipped which can help with feeding and also learning to talk later.

The Kelly mom website already recommended is brilliant. Read up on cluster feeding.

Get a feeding pillow and take it with you to hospital. Try different positions to see what works.

Find out if your area has an infant feeding team who can support you.

I bet your baby had a tongue tie. Make sure this one is checked very carefully. I have 4 children. The first I struggled to feed. The next 3 I had snipped and feeding was easy - I fed one of them for 22 months.

I agree with tongue tie... my 4th had it, and I’m sure at least one of my twins did too, but they didn’t check for it then.

You may need to be very assertive to get it checked. Worth googling to find your local tongue tie clinic too.

The in person support is the most crucial factor IME. Suss out where your local support groups are, and visit them before the birth (if possible). Stick the helpline numbers in your phone or on the fridge. Locate your nearest lactation consultant, see if they have a support group or run any antenatal classes, and find out how much it costs to hire them so that you can weigh that up before you're in the situation of thinking "I'm desperate but I really can't afford this...". Look up your nearest NCT branch and see if they run a breastfeeding drop in and/or a prepare for feeding class. Look at local independent antenatal class providers as well. Check a few different breastfeeding support forums online - MN is good or at least used to be - there are FB groups as well, I've heard "Can I breastfeed in it" is good, also anywhere with an attachment parenting lean is often good, I used to go on Green Parent a lot. What you're looking for on a forum is a sense of consensus - you don't want to post and get 100 different confusing answers, but also a sense of empathy and kindness. Some groups can be unnecessarily judgemental and mean towards anyone who doesn't adopt the groupthink immediately I wouldn't recommend staying in any groups like that!

Support groups:

www.nct.org.uk/local-activities-meet-ups

abm.me.uk/find-a-local-breastfeeding-support-group/

www.thebabycafe.org/find-a-cafe/

www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

Helplines:

National Breastfeeding Helpline:
0300 100 0212
(9.30am – 9.30pm)

ABM Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 330 5453
(9.30am -10.30pm)

NCT Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 330 0700 + Option 1
(8:00am - 12:00mn)

La Leche League telephone list (local/national)
www.laleche.org.uk/call/

Lactation consultant search:
You generally have to pay to see a lactation consultant, but some of them offer support groups for a low cost, such as a contribution towards tea and coffee.

www.lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/
(The site is showing a security concern for me ATM but looks like a tech issue their end - hopefully will be fixed soon)

Be wary of independent "Breastfeeding advisors" or any other title. Some of these are quite questionable - IME it's best to stick with someone with an accreditation whether that is a title like IBCLC or whether they have an affiliation to a group such as NCT or ABM.

When baby arrives, if you're having problems or have any questions at all, your first port of call is your midwife. There is a good chance your midwife will have decent breastfeeding knowledge at least in terms of getting started with a newborn. Once you're discharged from your midwife and/or if you don't feel confident about your midwife's advice at any point, move onto something more specialised. I would probably suggest to bypass your health visitor entirely because in my experience, their training on BF is very little and/or nonexistant. You could ask your health visitor if she knows of any local breastfeeding support groups. Likewise, a GP is not usually a good source of breastfeeding advice. There are a few GPs and HVs who have a personal interest and hence are quite knowledgeable but this is the exception, not the rule.

So I would go for a group or local leader/breastfeeding counsellor/lactation consultant as a second option once you've left the midwife. If it's too long to wait for the group and you can't contact your chosen support person directly, use a helpline. If it's the middle of the night and no helpline is open, post on a forum or group online.

There is no point (IME) trying to prepare for everything which might go wrong. There might be a point trying to work out what perhaps happened last time in case you see the same patterns again. But other than that I would not suggest doing anything pre-emptively because most interventions that you put in place can cause problems if used inappropriately. What I would suggest is to spend time in breastfeeding-supportive environments, whether those are virtual or IRL both before you have the baby and after they are born, so that you get comfortable to ask questions and seeing breastfeeding happen.

It is common to have problems (about 2/3 of women have problems, about half of those stop before they wanted to) but I wouldn't say it is very rare to have none! You might get lucky.

Give yourself small goals as well: I will give one feed / I will give colostrum / I will get through the first week .... etc, expand as you go. Then it's viewed more through a lens of "I did as much as I can" rather than "I gave up before I wanted to". Remember BF doesn't happen in a vacuum and stopping can be the right choice, if the choice to continue BF means a lot of pain and inconvenience.

Oh, and I would also recommend to look up safe co-sleeping guidance, and consider getting a bedside cot or converting your cot to a bedside one.

'UK breastfeeding support' group on Facebook is excellent. I haven't posted anything but just reading the q&a from others is very reassuring. It seems that a lot of the issues presented are 'normal' and many women go through that phase or problem.

If you are on instagram, follow the milking making mama. Excellent advice.

Don't quit on a bad day! Great advice. Also in the early days I gave a bit of formula and expressed bottles but ended up back exclusively breastfeeding so just because you have a couple of days without breastfeeding doesn't mean it's over.

Please don't call not breastfeeding a failure. As long as your baby gets fed it doesn't matter how.

I had a terrible time with starting to breastfeed ds1. Struggled to get any support until a wonderful midwife taught me how to feed lying down and how to calm him before starting. I also rang the la leche league who were amazing

With ds2 I asked to see the specialist breastfeeding advisor before I went in for the c section and kept asking different people for help and support,

My top tips would be to keep asking different people for support. Every mother, baby, health worker is different so different things work for different people,

I have 3ds and they were all completely different to feed.

Ds1 took ages to learn to feed but then once he got it that is all he wanted to do!
Ds2 took less time to 'get it' but then only wanted quick feeds - 20 minutes and if you tried to give him more he was sick!
Ds3 took to it fairly easily but wanted 45minute feeds - no more no less!

Just because it did not work out with your first does not mean it won't with your next.

Relax about it. That's my honest advice.

I had a horrible time BF my first so when I got pregnant with twins I thought there is no way. I stocked up on formula and bought some nipple shields and thought 'meh' if it works it works if it doesn't never mind.

In the end it was easier. Twin babies were easier than my first born. I do think the lack of pressure I put on my myself helped.

Also a bit of formula here and there doesn't matter at all.

Great advice already. Also join a breastfeeding support group if you love near one. Having the support from other breastfeeding mums really helps.

So true about about the formula. With ds1 I was completely paranoid about giving any formula but with ds2 when he first came home they recommended top ups with expressed milk/formula. It was only for a couple of days but really helped take the pressure off and after a few days I breastfed exclusively until 6months then carried on until he was 15months.

Try and find a local Facebook support page. Where in UK are you?

I'd be careful about topping up with formula in the early days as it is possible it can affect your supply which won't help.

I totally agree with pps re tongue tie, get them to check in hospital and if possible ask for someone from the infant feeding team to do this as doctors aren't fully trained in spotting them.

And lots and lots of lansinoh cream.

I tried to bf ds1 but it didn't work out, ds2 is still going strong 20 months later! I found:

La lech group SO helpful for asking questions etc. The meetings are fab.

I was strict with minimal visitors the first few days so i could happily sit with my boobs out without having to entertain.

I found the c hold so helpful for getting ds latched. I was told first time round this was wrong!

I really hope it works out for you. I had enormous guilt the first time round, i'm so happy it has worked out with ds2

Oh yes! I forgot but @costacosta just reminded me the rugby ball hold was a life saver for me in hospital. I could only feed my baby this way for a few months. Big boobs and small baby!