Feel guilty for formula feeding my baby

[Fustratedflo]

So my LO is 8 weeks old tomorrow and she has been formula fed ever since she was 3 days old. I tried to breastfeed but really struggled. My milk came in fine but I just couldn't master her latch and my nipples were so sore and would bleed. I didn't even think to get nipple shields at the time and because my baby was crying because she wasn't getting enough milk I just gave up and moved over to formula.

Even now, at 8 weeks, I feel like I'm giving my baby a bottle of poison at every feed. I feel like she deserves the best and after all breast is best and I'm not giving her that. I feel like I've failed at the one natural thing that I should be doing. I also can't help but feel awful for the mums who can't breastfeed due to medical reasons or because they didn't get enough milk supply and then there's me who's just given up because I couldn't get the latch right.

I should be happy that she's happy and fed and that she's gaining weight and overall healthy but I'm just being constantly reminded every time I bottle feed her that I've let my her down.

Also, when anyone asks how she's fed, I can't begin to tell you how much I HATE to say she's bottle fed. I feel like I'm being judged and I'm sure most people turn their nose up at the fact I bottle feed and it makes me feel awful!

I've decided when we try for baby #2 which won't be any time soon but when we do I will 100% breastfeed I don't care if it hurts ill force myself to get over it but I just wanted to come on here and talk about this because it gets to me on a daily basis

Fed is best.

If you breastfed for 3 days, your baby had your colostrum which is the most important bit. Anything after that is quite negligible tbh. Please don't waste precious time with your new baby stressing over this, particularly in relation to other people's opinions. In a few years nobody will even ask how you fed your baby, it will be irrelevant. Please be kind to yourself

Don't worry - I have no boobs I had a mastectomy before my second child so had no choice. Please don't worry. Xx

If you want to try breastfeeding again you can, but I would consult a lactation consultant for support and advice, but you are feeding your baby and that's the main things. Do what feels right for you x

Bless you. I didnt even try to breast feed as was put off by a horror story my mum kept telling me over the years. I dont feel guilty at all. Your baby is fine x

Yes you could try again (can be hard work but it is possible) and no it won’t affect feeding second time around if that’s what you want

I agree - Fed Is Best.

Doesn't matter whether FF or BF.

Don't feel guilty, try again if you want (my SIL is a breastfeeding specialist and was superb in helping me BF my 2 DC - bleeding nipples, the whole lot), don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you.

Someone said to me "happy mum, happy baby" and it's true. Don't stress about it.

And congratulations

You can definitely try again. At my breastfeeding group women who had stopped for months were being supported to restart. If you want help please let me know - I have lots of resources including a lactation consultant who takes video appointments.

You haven't failed your baby.
Society has failed you by pushing breastfeeding to the point you feel like a failure.

It's honestly not worth blood and sweat and tears and biting into things, when you have a perfectly good alternative.

You are doing well and your baby will thrive. Yes, you can try for relactation, but it'll be much harder than bf was to begin with, and if it doesn't work (which is sadly quite likely) you may be even more down.

I didn't get any BF support in hospital (and tbh after an EMCS I wasn't really in any state to try) but went down to the local MLU where we sat for two and a half hours when DD was 3 days old. She was starving and kept latching and then coming off when it was too hard to get any milk out. She was hysterical. I was pretty calm and the midwives were positive about me being able to crack it eventually, but I just thought "this isn't how I want to spend my first few weeks or months as a mother".

We started weaning a few weeks ago and the BF/FF issue seemed to matter even less. I know I am the earth, moon and stars to DD, and she is to me. How she gets her milk doesn't bother her one iota.

In your OP you're very hard on yourself and use emotive language like "poison", talking about letting your DD down etc. I would worry that you might be showing some signs of PND and the feelings you're having are part and parcel of that. Please speak to your midwife or GP about it. I had PNA diagnosed when DD was three months old, and in hindsight I waited way too long to get help.

I breast fed my eldest, but my youngest failed to thrive so I ended up ff him and he reacted to the first one we tried so we had to switch. Just do what you need to do to get through and don't beat yourself up about it.

Thank you all so much for your kind messages! It's really helped me, honestly. Just been sat reading through them all

You are very right, fed is best and as long as she's happy, which she is ... then that's the main thing and it does work for us. I was never breastfed I guess and I am fine and happy there is so much pressure out there from alsorts of people and I guess that doesn't help. I just keep thinking back to when I first gave her a bottle and I remember the look on my LO's face, she was so confusedthat keeps springing to mind and with lockdown I always think it would've been the perfect opportunity to really master it and I wouldn't have needed to worry about bf in public (that always worried me too) but anyway, I'm rambling on. My baby is fine, happy and loved and I need to keep reminding myself that

I formula fed for very similar reasons to you and for a good while I beat myself up over it. I felt I should have tried harder, been better, done more. I can remember being about 2 months in and saying to my mum that I wished I could try breast feeding now when I had my shit together a bit more but in those early days I saved my sanity by formula feeding.

Now, a year and half on the guilt that ate at me is long gone. You’re still in the midst of the haze where every guilt and worry is heightened to the extreme. You do come out of the other side. My son thrived on formula. I made a choice that was right at the time for us.