Help - totally exhausted...

[Madigan]

I feel terrible complaining about my situation (with 4w DD) - but I am at my wits end. I love DD dearly, and we waited for years to have her so it makes it especially hard for me to understand why I am feeling like I do.
I am just completely exhausted - and I am sure all new mums feel the same, but I am not sure I am coping very well. Lately she has been waking about 4 times during the night for bf - and each feed takes an hour or more - so I am getting so little sleep I am permanently exhausted.
Last night, in desparation, my mother tried to give her a bottle of formula in the night so that I could get some sleep - but DD would not take it.
I cannot get the hang of expressing - there never seems to be any "extra" milk. So it looks like I am going to get no sleep for the foreseeable future, and I am feeling pretty desparate about it.
I am crying all the time, and just feel miserable - which I never thought I would. Naively, I thought my life would be perfect once I had our much longed for baby (after years of struggling with infertility, IVF etc). Help! What can I do?

I think this is all normal - if that helps
As far as the night feeds go, can you co sleep? Never worked for me, so what I did was camped out on the sofa downstairs, with DS in the moses basket next to me, lights on low, magazine, tv remote, food, drink to hand. Just drifted in and out of sleep, rested if I couldn't sleep and watched TV while feeding. Can you do something like this - it really takes away that "oh not ANOTHER feed feeling".
I don't think it will be easy to express at the moment, you probably won't have any extra milk or time. If she needs more feeding, just feed her (I know ) your supply ill build up.
Is this your first child? It does get easier, I promise, from about 6-8 weeks DS started sleeping in the night with specific times to feed, rather than it just being an ongiong process. It won't be like this in 4 weeks time.

Aw, Madigan...I am so to hear your story. I think mums who have gone through a lot to get the baby in the first place have another layer of misery when life with a baby is difficult, because they feel they 'ought to' be on cloud nine the whole time.

You are the same as any other mother (as you say yourself) - you will be knackered when your sleep is affected, and frustrated when breastfeeding is less than smooth.

Can you co-sleep? This will make night feeds easier.

Can your mum take the baby for an hour or so each day while you do nothing but chill out? Your mum may need to wear a baby sling and be prepared to walk briskly around with the baby in it, so the movement and closeness keeps her happier?

However : crying all the time which you say you are doing is not right, and goes beyond what would be normal for this knackering newborn time....can you talk to your HV or GP about this? Honestly, this is not a breastfeeding issue as far as I can tell. I hope you'll get help and support.

I know it's probably the last thing you feel like doing but can you get out to a baby group, either NCT or Sure Start tend to be good. You can bf with as much top pulling up as you need and can talk to other people - it helped me feel a bit more normal. It's also really good to see babies just a month older than yours and see how things change.

In my eagerness to tell you about Camp Polar Bear I forgot to say congratulations on the birth of your DD
How close by is your mum? I presume your DH is back at work - does he work long hours? Hopefully other people are looking after the house etc and you are just concentrating on dd and yourself. Shop online if you can, and google for codes to get you money off which covers the cost of delivery.

Thanks guys -
yes, other people are looking after the house - thank God! And my mother comes to visit often (but actually lives in Ireland - so is not here all the time). DH works v long hours, so don't feel it is fair to ask him to help with nighttime feeds.
My mother is v willing to help w giving bottles at night - and If I could express that would be brilliant, so when do you think I will be able to start expressing?
I have read in my book "What to expect in the 1st year" that you can mix breast milk with formula, - maybe that would be a good solution to start with, since I only seem to be able to express a little?
I just cannot go on with no sleep; I was so keen to avoid formula at the start, but now I feel it is a valid compromise for my mother to give her 1 bottle of formula at night (if only DD would take it ....)

I do meet up with my friends from my ante natal class, so that is good therapy - and they have all told me that it does get
easier with time ... I hope so!

xx

Are you warming the formula enough? If your baby is used to breast milk, tepid milk will come as a shock. Body temperature is warmer than you think!

Madigan,expressing takes time and patience.You will start with tiny amounts but they can all be put together for a feed.After a few weeks I could do 5 oz in a morning which was enough for a bottle a day (which I had to do for various complicated reasons.)

I would recommend the Medela electric/battery pump.

It is bloody hard work,but it does get easier.

Message withdrawn

I remember going through this not so long ago, ds now 10 months and used to take ages to feed during the night. Used to feel like as soon as one feed stops and he gets settled it will be time for another one and no sleep for me in the mean time.

I used to cry loads and loads, my first ds was so easy and was not expecting ds2 to be difficult. I also tried expressing and used to get alot in the mornings but not at anyother time.

The clouds did lift though and for me and the feeding time got shorter and it does get so much easier. Those were dark dark days those early months for me and i'm not ashamed to say it!!

Its amazing how a decent nights sleep can put a different prespective on things .... last night DD fed at 12.30pm, 3.30pm and 6.30am - each feed lasted about 15 mins and she settled down immediately afterwards - as a result, I actually got some sleep and feel like a new woman today .... really hoping that she will keep this up!!
Thank you so much for all your advice - you all really helped me get through a particularly awful day.x

Brilliant Madigan.
You;re right.
A bit of uninterrupted sleep works wonders.