Should I try again?

[CleverQuacks]

I am 20 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. My first child I breast fed for 6 days but hated every minute of it. It hurt and my baby was constantly hungry. I was also a young single mum (18) and completely overwhelmed with being a parent.

My second child I breast fed for 5 days and I can still remember the horrible feeling of dread every time he needed a feed. He also had severe reflux which made feeding uncomfortable for him and he was constantly unsettled.

My third baby I was adamant I was not going to breast feed and he went onto formula from birth.

I think it’s important to say that I have had very complex mental health problems my whole life and these have always been made worse by pregnancy and birth. So every time I have had a newborn I have been in a bad place mentally.

I am now in a good place. I have finally found the right medication and i have been stable for nearly 4 years. I am pregnant with my fourth child and actually enjoying the pregnancy and the thought of being a mum again (which is new, all my previous pregnancies have been difficult).

I have begun thinking about when baby arrives and I think I would like to try breastfeeding again but I am scared. I am scared that it will hurt and I will get overwhelmed. I am scared that it won’t work and then I will feel like a failure again. So what do i do? Do I try again or play it safe and accept that breast feeding is not for me?

If I am going to try it again how can I give myself the best chance of success?

Try again.

If only for one day.

Get that good colostrum into them!

If it hurts, it was (sorry) because you were doing it wrong.

Check out the NHS and WHO videos about good latch.

Try going to breastfeeding groups (when they restart) and talk to them about your anxieties etc.

Also, it might be relevant, that I will be having a csection with this baby and I have read that this can affect your milk coming in so any suggestions on how to encourage good milk supply

I would try. If you do might be an idea to have your midwife watch so she can help with the latch. No matter how good it looks from the outside if it hurts there is something wrong - for me it turned out that baby had tongue tie.

I will look up some groups. Baby is due in August so I have time for them to restart

I think it's worth trying again, even if you only give them that first colostrum feed. You might find this baby takes to it better than your first two and it isn't as painful, but if it doesn't work for you then you know you can fall back on formula. That doesn't mean you've failed in anyway (in fact my main reason for persevering through the pain with my second was because I couldn't face a year of faffing with making up formula, far too lazy for that 🙈).

Get yourself some lansinoh lanolin cream to apply to your nipples before and after each feed. If it hurts, unlatches them and try again - don't persevere through a painful feed because it'll just make the next one worse. And ask for help if you need it - I had so much support with my first, literally had someone coming out to see us every day for the first two weeks plus weekly appointments with the infant feeding specialist, never would have stuck with it if it wasn't for all that! I would say though that wanting to feed all the time can be totally normal for a newborn, they're hungry little things.

A section doesn’t alway effect your milk supply. If it does it just comes in a bit later but you still have colostrum. The best thing to do is making sure you are eating and drinking and feed, feed, feed.

I really struggled with feeding DD1 and last 6 weeks of combination feeding and was left with ptsd type symptoms. I’m still bf nearly 9 month old DD2.

Breast feeding is a real skill that you and your baby need to learn and for most not all people it’s much easier with a good teacher, lots of practice and knowledge.

Babies in the early days do feed what seems like a ridiculous amount of time. There is a few reasons for this, there stomach is the size of a walnut so as soon as it’s filled up they need more pretty quickly, remember they normally double their weight by 6 months. When babies are breast feeding they are putting their order in for tomorrow. Beast milk supply is increased by milk being removed from the boob, the more milk the baby takes, the more milk your boy makes. Your body mostly produces the hormones needed to produce milk over night which is why babies feed more over night.

If you decide to bf get as much support as you can. Go to lll meeting and join their Facebook groups - start this before your baby arrives. Get the midwives to help, obviously we don’t know what state will be at with corona virus in 20 weeks but you are under a midwife until day 10 and in normal situation you can ask them to come every day to support you with breastfeeding. Breast feeding is uncomfortable at first but apart from the initial latch it should not be painful. It’s very easy for the baby to cause damage to the nipple and then feeding does become painful. Don’t be afraid for to take the baby off and try again. Remember latching is a real skill and it gets easier as the baby gets bigger. Try different positions, rugby ball is great for little babies. Watch YouTube videos off the flipple technique. Make sure you have plenty of support. When DD2 would get to hangry to latch I would give her 1/2 oz of milk so she would calm down and it gave me a chance to calm down and we could try again without the pressure.

@00100001 utter crap. My let down hurt like fuck for 3 weeks. Baby had no tongue tie, great latch etc. I just found it very painful. I had zero nipple damage, no cracks or visible soreness. But the first 30 seconds of every feed was excruciating. Fortunately I was able to push through confidently because I had excellent BF support. I’m still EBF at 7 months and after 3 weeks was a doddle.

Telling people that if it hurts you are doing it wrong contributes to the terrible BF rates here. It can hurt and be fine.

@CleverQuacks try it, every birth is different and every baby is different.

What @00100001 said, let down was incredibly painful for the first couple of weeks with both of my babies. Luckily I had support and knew that it wasn't something I was doing wrong, so was able to persevere. Once it stopped breastfeeding was a breeze!

Oops, meant to tag @Megan2018 🤭 new to Mumsnet!

Not read all the replies but wanted to share my experience.

As a ftm I wanted to bf but totally understood it may not work. So I prepared for both. I had bottles/ steriliser/ formula all ready but I also spent hours watching random YouTube people bf 😂 and googling it.
I also made a post asking something like what's your top 3 bf tips, to see what others shared.

I had an ASAP csection- not planned but induction failed and they wanted baby out in a calm ASAP. There was a couple of hiccups during my section with baby and then me (nothing life threatening and I would 100% have a c section again) but baby and I were together about 45 mins after birth.
I was so so lucky that she took to bf perfectly. I told midwives i didn't know how to do it and tbh they hadn't got time to explain/ help. Thank god I watched so many people demonstrating.

My tips would be;

1. Be open minded to bf/ formula. If bf doesn't work out then baby is still fed which is all that matters.
2. Cream cream and more nipple cream! As soon as a feeds finished plaster it on and then a breast pad so the grease doesn't stain through all your tops!! Honestly, keep your nipples creamed- again I was so lucky as mine didn't go sore and I swear it was the over use of the nipple cream in a little lilac tube. After the shower, when baby's not fed for an hour all the time lol!
3. Someone told me imagine Velcro is on baby's chin and that must fasten to the imaginary Velcro on you first.
4. Find some bf friends at a similar stage. Even online friends.

Most of all enjoy your baby and don't put pressure on yourself. What will be will be and baby number 4 will be just as perfect as the other 3

Thank you for all your comments. I will definitely take your advice on board. I think I am going to try again with this baby. If it doesn’t work out then I can go to formula (and try not to feel guilty about it).

My baby had a good latch but it still hurt. I was just sensitive and needed time to get used to it. What saved me was nipple shields! The breastfeeding support worker in the hospital didn't really want me to use them but she saw how much pain I was in and how much I wanted to breastfeed so she gave me one and showed me how to use it. At about 3 months I just went cold turkey on them and my LO's much wider latch was no longer painful.

Fenugreek can help milk come in (well it did for me anyway).

Agree with what @Megan2018 said. I felt so depressed and trapped for the first few weeks as things just weren't improving and everyone told me my LO's latch was perfectly fine. For me it hurt. Hopefully for baby no.2 I'll have hardened and it won't hurt again (she says)