Need some reassurance really

[GeorginaA]

I'm not sure if I have a real query here, or just hoping for a few hugs and reassurances that things are going as planned. I've been really pleased that breastfeeding has gone so smoothly this time around, so this has sort of crept up on me and I've just realised I'm not happy with how things are going.

Ds2 is 5 months old on 11th Oct and is fully breastfed (due to allergies in the family I'm really keen to avoid solids until 6 months). He's started waking up in the night again after a couple of months of sleeping from 11ish to 7ish and is seemingly ravenous at that feed. Sort of par for the course, I guess, for delaying weaning.

However... I've just realised that I haven't had a "nice" feed all day. Even though his feeds are fairly well spaced out, he's distracted and not very hungry in the day. He'll have a good feed about sevenish, then 11am, 2pm (sometimes 5ish) and 6pm feeds (all approx) he'll start eagerly enough but be completely distracted by the slightest thing - brother running about, TV on, can't talk to anyone while I feed, can't even pick up a book. He's pulling me in every direction in the process so I'm getting quite sore! It's not practical to take him up to my darkened bedroom for every feed with a 3 year old sibling around!

I've started to wonder if he's actually delaying feeding until nighttime as it's darker and less distractions rather than the delaying solids thing. Is this likely? Is this something I just have to live with or is it something I should just sit out as it's likely to improve at 6 months when solids start?

Could just do with some reassurance or guidelines or anything really - I feel so frustrated that the enjoyment of feeding is going for me really. I got to 8 months with ds1 (in conjunction with solids - he was weaned at 17 weeks ish) when he gave up on his own accord. I'd so hoped that I would go longer with ds2...

Oh Georgina, sorry this is troubling you. FWIW I think they just become more easily distracted as they are more aware of the world around them. I remember ds doing a lot of pulling off to look round at any sound/movement, meant feeds lasted for ages and became very hard to know when he'd actually had enough. I don't think I found a solution, just muddled through. Off the top of my head, do you ever give him a bottle of expressed breast milk? If so, does he get distracted then, too? Probably a daft suggestion but might be worth trying ? if he does get distracted with ebm might be kind of reassuring in a weird way, if not, might be worth giving him ebm from a bottle once a day to fill him up, maybe? But only an idea, hope someone who knows more about it will be along soon to help. If not, could you try calling the NCT breastfeeding helpline? They aren't around past 10pm, IIRC, but if you try tomorrow they might be able to help.
HTH

Sorry, no advice here, can only wish you all the best.
Did find with my ds2 that feeds were so much faster (my technique or his I never worked out) but never really had the loss of attention you talk about.
Best wishes.

Hi, my dd was like this. I just accepted teh fact that I couldn't feed her with any distractions. Obviously with an existing ds this is harder if not impossible. ALso dd had a huge growth spurt at this time and needed lots more feeding which complicated things. Sounds like you are doing really well. I remember days like the one you are describing where I questioned bfing and was I doing it right and was she getting enough. I am really glad I stuck with it. Sorry I am rabbling hope this helps.

How wierd GA - ds has been like this for the last few days - I wasn't sure if it was due to the slight cold he has though. Last 2 days we've had a 3ish waking (ravenous feed and straight back to sleep) 8am feed fine, 11.30 feed fine, 2.30 feed fine (I said I was doing a modified GF)Then from 4.30 - about 20 minutes ago he's demanded feeds every hour or so, and not really enjoyed any of them. And he's tried to read my book! I had to put it down and turn lights off completely to get him to sleep.

I remember this phase well GeorginaA. It is something that will happen whether you are giving solids or not and babe will actually pass through this phase and settle again. I think one of the things to do is to try not to sit and 'flog a dead horse' to get a good feed in, so to speak. If baby starts messing around, just discontinue feed and let baby feed again later. I remember vividly taking DD into a breastfeeding workshop class for a demonstration feed because the mum who was going to attend with her fairly new baby couldn't come. I had been helping out so nipped home to get DD who was 7 months old. Unfortunately she has just had lunch (tomatoe soup and a pudding) so she wasn't that interested in feeding anyway. I sat with assembled mothers to be and started to feed. Everytime someone asked a question, DD would pop off the breast and turn to look at them. Very disconcerting for them and me . I thought it would actually put them off.
I remember all my babies going through e very ditracted dtage but it DID pass. DD fed until 15 months when she self weaned. Just ride it out - it will improve. When the faffing starts just put the boob away and they soon learn. Well done you for getting this far by the way. The night feeds will settle again as your milk supply is boosted by these extea feeds.

LOL @ reading your book prufrock! Actually, thinking about it... we've all got the sniffles too (not badly but still) - that could have a bearing.

edam - he has an EBM at 10.30ish - downs 5oz in about 5 minutes and then needs a top up/cuddle. That's generally a nice non-distracted feed because he's tired and it's in a darkened bedroom again. Not sure if that's reassuring or not!!

Thank you for all your best wishes - must appreciated!

I think the real problem is, ds1 was very much like this, then the second he had solids he really wasn't interested in milk anymore and it wasn't so much of a surprise when he finally quit (cold turkey) when he was 8 months old. I tried for over a week to get him to feed again and he wouldn't and I was devastated. I think I'm just terrified that's going to happen again with ds2 when I'd really got myself into the mode of it was going so much better and a year was within my reach.

Sorry for rambling on so much.

DS is nightmare - he can so unattentive when it comes to feeding that I am tempted to give him 3 out of 10, I remember my school reports saying the same - I think the expression then was "butterfly mind" - who me?!

no way . . . . . . how about a Muller corner?

Thanks mears - I very much hope ds2 follows your little one's pattern! I would be THRILLED beyond belief if we got to 15 months!

libb - what flavour Muller corner?

Georgina, as you know I have begun waving a loaded spoon at DD. Her distracted feeding was one if the things I thought might be an indication of diminished interest in milk. But ctually I might give up on the solids for the time being... she's not that fussed. think as others have said it's the distraction that's the motivating force, not disinterest in b/feeds.

LOL at libb and her muller corners, opening her raincoat to show them all lined up inside...

Georgina - I found my dd regressed in all sorts of ways at about 4.5-5 months. She started waking up more at night and getting very distracted during feeds. I was in despair to be honest, particularly over the sleep thing, but I kept going and miraculously at 5.5 months still being exclusively breastfed she suddenly slept through the night 12 hours without a feed! So somehow she sorted herself out without any intervention from me on the solids front. I'm not saying all babies will do this, but just that sometimes all the fussing can just be a phase, as mears says.

You've done brilliantly to get this far, hopefully the feeds will settle down again. We had another fussing phase around 8-9 months, but then I fed dd till she was 2 when she weaned herself.

Georgina - I've seen a couple of threads on babies getting distracted while breastfeeding at around this age. My dd is just the same. She keeps looking round while remaining attached to my nipple - everyone who sees this winces but I am much tougher now than I was in the beginning . You're doing great. Remember your own words - Andthistooshallpass...

Also, there's no reason it will be the same with ds2 as it was with ds1.

Andthistooshallpass... Andthistooshallpass... Andthistooshallpass...

I really should learn to take my own advice, shouldn't I?

I'm kind of relieved that this seems to be a common developmental stage rather than something just going pearshaped. I was also a bit stunned by the "well done" comments. I thought a bit about it last night and suddenly realised "oh yeah... I've done pretty well to get to here, haven't I?!" - a bit of a new concept for me, I'm usually quick to give myself grief when I think I'm falling short!

Feeling much better and more relaxed about the situation today. I can ride this out, I can...