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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Clare Byam-Cook is getting way too much exposure as a BF 'Expert'

67 replies

kiskidee · 12/09/2007 13:19

People will start to believe this woman knows enough about bf before long.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 14:02

never heard of her or her book - must go google her then get the gen.but in general most there-is-only-one-way-to-do-it-and-it-is-my-way-books-are-total-PITA-best taken-with-dose-cynicism-imo eg Baby boot camp parenting mantras

tiktok · 12/09/2007 14:04

Dunno, fish.....wouldn't like to think a breastpump for a weasel!! It would be a stoatally different thing boom boom.

We use cows milk for formula because we have had some form of a dairy industry for hundreds of years and the dairy cow has been evolved to make loads of milk.

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 14:04

MarinaLaPasionaria - what does SWMNBN mean please - Thanks

MarinaLaPasionaria · 12/09/2007 14:23

She Who Must Not Be Named Scottishmummy.
In relation to a recent legal dispute between a writer of babycare books and Mumsnet.

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 18:28

the type of (but not necessarily specifically) bootcamp mantra there-is-one-way-only-and-its-my-way-so-suck-it-ladies authors who sell shed loads but have fragile brittle egos - so dont dare criticise

VeniVidiVernonHartshornNUMNQV · 12/09/2007 18:30

Yes, that sort of thing Scottie

IlanaK · 12/09/2007 18:40

I have had to clean up Claire Byam Cooks messes a few times as a brastfeeding counsellor, as have my colleagues in this area where she works in private practise. She charges mum's an absolute fortune and then does things like squeeze their nipples and tell them they have not got enough milk for their babies.

I hope I never meet the woman in person as I would not be able to hold back.

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 18:54

feck me thats what the midwife did to me squeezed my breasts shuved my nipples in the babies gob subjected me to a ranty any-one-can-breast-feed-what-do-u-mean-it-hurts-u-inadequate-wimp

i genuineley have an aversion to ranty mantra spouting - there are always many ways not just one way

harpsichordcarrier · 12/09/2007 19:00

god how I agree with you
she spouts utter bolleaux of the highest order imo
and she always touts her books in the most crass way possible.
Bestfeeding is a million times better

ChristmasPud · 12/09/2007 19:10

Surely there are enough baby 'gurus' in the world already? Do we really HAVE to have another one yawn.

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 19:14

Bejesus i agree - parenting would be easier/less stressful with out self-appointed bleeding experts/gurus and ranty santimonious one-size-fits-every-situation makes me want to hurl

when you trust oyur own instincts - then it gets easier

ChristmasPud · 12/09/2007 19:18

The bit that annoys me is that probably most have us have given them some of our money at some point in time. Just to buy ourselves a stick to beat ourselves with.

If we met people like this in the street and they spoke to us in the same way we'd just ignore them.

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2007 19:25

yes i am that worried 1st timer who bought the She Who Must Not Be Named book - it made me cry....threw it out

fared better after that

pseudonym1 · 13/09/2007 00:38

As an indication of how MN is these days, I am here with my disguise on...

.. and I just wanted to say I read CBC's book and it was enormously helpful to me.

ScottishMummy - I agree with you, wholeheartedly, but it was the standard bf advice that I found to be very "one size fits all" and it didn't fit me. I had horrendous problems getting bfing started and had to mix feed in the early days, on the advice of the hopsital bf counsellor and paedeatrician.

I read tons of advice at that time and her book was the only place that seemed to accept that problems could happen, that mixed feeding could happen and how to deal with it, that breast shaping, which finally did the trick for me, was something acceptable, and that bfing could bloody hurt. I was ready to scream with being told that if it hurt I was doing it wrong, and if my baby was lying on his back to feed that I was doing it wrong, and if I didn't offer both breasts I was doing wrong, when I was just delighted he was latched on at all.

For example I was told that if I held my breast I was doing it wrong, and to put my hand on my ribcage instead. I am currently sporting J cup breasts and hand on the ribcage is utterly pointless. I have to actively support my breast with my hand or DS can't get anywhere near my nipple, but I was repeatedly told by my HV that I was not to do it.

I find things that appear to say " everyone can do it, it's easy, all problems are you doing it wrong, it won't hurt, it you can't feed you're just not trying hard enough... to be very very demoralising.. and that's what I feel is coming through from the standard bf advice.

I found that a book accepting that it may not work for me was a much more sympathetic approach to what I was going through, and as I saw it, being told it was OK if it didn't work meant that I could keep trying without the pressure that I would feel like a guilty failure and bad mother if it didn't happen for me. It has a lot of commonsense in there rather than trying to fit everyone into a set of rules about how it had to be. FOr example, it was the only place I could find decent clear instructions for sterilising bottles and storing milk, which was important when you have to bottle feed a mix of formula and expressed milk. Every other book I read just seemed to assume that I wouldn't dare put a bottle near my baby.

I was also told that I was

8 months on I am still bfing very successfully, but I have broken nearly every one of the standard "rules" about bf to do it.

Sorry for the extended rant, but I get very upset about this. I feel that women should do what works for them in bfing if it is to be at all successful, and this author allowed me to do that, without the pressure and guilt that I felt from other sources.

ScottishMummy · 13/09/2007 08:23

pseudonym1- morning!Yes i liked your post and i agree MN can get very emotive/heated/contentious when BF/FF and their permutations discussed - shame really. of sourse your experiences as valid as anyone else

as i said never hard of clareBC, but if she worked for you that is fantastic, so good result.after all it is our individual needs that matter - not some fashionable psuedo-guru mantra

i bought GF book when pg as a work colleague hubby returned from his pat leave and he was positiveley efferfescent and really worked for them - so again horses for courses

i do hope this thread does not mutate into the usual BF Vs FF diatride

ChristmasPud · 13/09/2007 09:42

Hi pseudonym1,

What Scottish mum said. And I'm glad it worked for you. I had the opposite situation with the baby whisperers advice on BF. In the end the peopel that helped were at my local Breastfeeding network. What helped most were that they were calm and accepted things as normal. Rather than making a big fuss like a few of the HVs over weight charts etc.

I suppose my baby guru fatigue is partly aimed at the gurus, a lot at the media for building them up to an unrealistic level and also partially us for continuing to get so worked up about them. Though I include myself in this as one that had a screaming baby and instead of cuddling it was trying to find the right page on a book that told me what his body laguage ment (He's pissed off) and then gave me little clue as what to actually do about it. I regard myself as being daft now, but at the time really thought that was where the answers lay.

morningpaper · 13/09/2007 09:44

I agree, there is defintely a Baby Guru Fatigue.

I'm really glad the advice helped you - but I do think that if new mothers flagged down a mother in the street and had a chat with her for half an hour, they would probably benefit just as much as from the book of a 'Baby Guru'.

It's a tragedy that we don't do the former more often.

ChristmasPud · 13/09/2007 09:54

Perhaps we could sap their power by starting and campaign to only get childcare books from the library.

ScottishMummy · 13/09/2007 10:00

so called baby experts self appointed gurus they undermine a lot of our natural instincts and confidence. an insidious self doubt creeps in (did for me) and an anxiety of well if everyone else is reading it/doing it by the book i must be wrong

pseudonym1 · 13/09/2007 10:15

I have to say I agree with you about BG fatigue. While the book in question was helpful to me, I never went near SWMNBN, not my style of childcare at all, or any other "gurus" for that matter. I find them quite annoying too. I just found CBC's book to be very helpful to me.

snoozer · 13/09/2007 10:34

was Dr. Spock popular in UK? He was/is (think was) an old-time pediatrician and "baby expert" whose motto was "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." His underlying theme was that parents have instincts and should follow them.

When I told my MIL that my parents recommended that if I HAD to read a baby book (they think these books are ridiculous) I should read his, my MIL, a GF devotee, told me that Spock has now been largely discredited. So I shouldn't trust myself and I don't know anything. LOL.

morningpaper · 13/09/2007 10:40

So I shouldn't trust myself and I don't know anything.

lol snoozer

hanaflower · 13/09/2007 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 13/09/2007 10:45

Was talking to my mother yesterday about parenting. She said she thought it was sad that often it seems people don't trust their instincts.
She said she modelled her early parenting of my older brother on that of her cat, Millie, who had just had kittens.
So if she found herself worrying about what to do for the best, she'd ask herself "what would Millie do?"
Was slightly shocked to discover that we were raised on the model of cats and kittens. But PMSL at "what would Millie do?"

snoozer · 13/09/2007 10:47

yeah, i think my MIL would prefer that for every decision I make regarding my db i provide a footnote citing factual support of a suitable best-selling-baby-guru-author.