Breastfeeding in public - help.

[mustangcanwait]

I don't want to be one of those women who's life is limited by breastfeeding, but I'm struggling at the moment with feeding in public.

DD is only 18 days old and I have managed to go until today without needing to feed in public. One day, she got hungry just as we were leaving somewhere so I fed her in the car, other than that, she has been fine as we haven't really been anywhere for long enough.

Although today I had to go to a coffee shop in a busy shopping centre so I could feed DD. I tried to feed her with a Muslin covering but she was struggling to latch properly, kept coming off the boob and trying to latch again, the muslin kept falling down and DSD (12) kept asking "is she feeding yet?" (Which was obviously a great help ) and both me and the baby were getting frustrated. It worked out eventually and actually nobody batted an eyelid in the coffee shop about me feeding which made me feel a bit better but it was such an ordeal I don't want it to put me off trying again in future.

Does anyone have any tips on how to discreetly breastfeed in public, or should I just get over myself and whack my baps out so the world can see my nipples? (Genuine question, if you did this and have tips on how to build confidence with it, please share!)

Congrats on your new arrival!

I have a couple of feeding scarves that are essentially big snoods that you can wear round your neck and then use to cover yourself up. Zero chance of them falling off, and if you want you can wear them as a scarf so no faffing when you have a hungry newborn.

I just get on with it. What are you wearing?
I don’t find much boob on show and have never used a muslin-there’s just a brief flash of nipple then baby is on.
Just go for it, I think the more you try to cover up the more attention is drawn.

Thank you I didn't even know that feeding scarves existed, such a good idea, I'm heading online to have a look for some right now, thanks!

The more you fiddle and try to cover yourself the more difficult it is because you can't see what you are doing and the more people end up looking. Just feed like you would at home. Nobody will care and in any case you have the right to feed your child wherever you and your child have the right to be.

I bought something off eBay that was like an apron so I could see to latch DD on but feel covered. As my confidence grew though I just fed with my top up or whatever but it helped early on or around people I didn’t want to see my boob

Feeding scarf with a rib is an absolute life saver!!

Go on Amazon and buy a breastfeeding apron. They literally loop round your neck so no need to fiddle around tieing it up etc

Hi OP - I am currently breast feeding DS2 as I type! In a very short time - say another 3 weeks, your baby will be very confident about their latch and you'll be latching them on in the dark with no need to co-ordinate nipple/mouth opening etc. However, right now, while you're both learning, gettinh a good latch is really important, and if you need to look at what you are doing that's totally normal.

In terms of being "discrete", it's very hard to avoid nip slip. Easy things to do are use nursing vests under your top (top goes up, nursing vest comes down). You could also get baby latched and then drape a light scarf/muslin afterwards but some babies just won't feed under a cover.

The most important thing is that it is your legal right to bf in public, it is natural and normal and no-one is allowed to try and stop you.

If you have a local bf group, I would try and go along - sometimes it really helps having the moral support. Congrats on your baby!

Yes just wear a square scarf (everywhere sells them) that you can drape over your baby like a tent, and a loose top.
I fed everywhere with my babies and no one really paid any attention. Yes I can see if you are self conscious it makes the whole process difficult but really just practice a bit at home and you'll soon be able to do it without fuss.

One way is two tops, pull one up and one down. I got nursing bras that were two layers so only showed your nipple. It gets easier. I was scared at first but it got loads easier.

I agree that fiddling about and trying to cover up did make the situation worse as when I'm at home things tend to be a lot easier. I think I probably just need to bite the bullet and whip them out and tell myself that it's either that or DD goes hungry which obviously isn't an option. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm anxious about it. Before she arrived and I decided I wanted to EBF, the thought of feeding in public didn't phase me at all but now she's here, it's easier said than done

I promise it gets easier! Psychologically I think it's quite a difficult barrier to get over initially because revealing a breast in a coffee shop is something you obviously wouldn't do in normal circumstances! It's funny how it becomes normal quite quickly though.

Couple of things that I think help. First of all if you use a pillow or anything at home to help with positioning, take it out with you for now and stick it under the buggy. It's much easier in the early days if you're comfy and if baby can latch easily you'll be more relaxed about the whole thing.

Get some nursing specific tops. You don't need loads just a couple. I had one with a flap that lifted up which meant pretty much everything was covered. There is once called a Breastvest and a company called Happy Mama do some fairly inexpensive ones. Also check out New Look and H&M.

You can also do "one up, one down" where you wear a vest under a normal top. Pull the vest down and the top up and again pretty much everything will be covered. Have a try in front of the mirror to build some confidence.

Come and join us on the "Can I Breastfeed In it" Facebook group. Loads of great tips for friendly feeding clothes.

If you're having a tricky feed try a nursing room. Most big shops and shopping centres have them. Sometimes if it's all getting a bit much you just need to re group and get baby fed.

After a while baby gets much better at latching and you get much more relaxed about the whole thing anyway! You sound like you're doing so well with it! Honest!

It gets a lot easier, and quickly as a) you and the baby get better feeding and b) the baby’s head grows so covers more things up. I always positioned baby in front of boob before lifting up top (had very few designated feeding tops) and it just sort of worked. The very first time I fed in public in front of my mil, she stood in front of me holding up a huge muslin. She might as well have held up a neon sign “chance of seeing breast here”. I have breastfed for over four years and I’ve never caught anyone apart from very young children staring.

I just wop a boob out and stick them on anywhere tbh. It really shouldn't be an issue at all. You have enough to worry about with the latch and whatever, you don't need to worry about what every other person is thinking. Most won't notice or care. Most won't even glance in your direction. Some will be remembering when they did it, or will remember seeing you do it when it comes to their turn. There might be the very occasional jerk who fancies taking offence, but I've never encountered one in 4 kids all fed to 2yo, and I wouldn't let that put me off anyway. Just go for it.

Some great advice here.
Just to add, sit in front of a mirror at home and watch yourself get baby latched and feed. There’s really not much to see. Until they’re older and unlatch to look around and you don’t notice until it’s too late

Hi OP I've breastfed 4 of mine and the easiest way I've found to be discreet is to wear two tops. A strappy vest under a normal top. First top pulled up to cover the top half of the breast and the strappy top pulled down under the breast your feeding from. There will be the odd nipple slip until baby is a bit older and confident. ( and maybe even after that) . I found most people didn't even realise I was feeding most of the time . Have a practice at home and congratulations on your baby

Scarvs and mussies can get in the way for you and baby. But if it makes a difference betweern feeding or not, then just get a normal scarf. A vest top under a t can help as well. Some clothes do become out of bounds. I think confidence comes with experience, a breast feeding support group is really helpful, childrens centres often host them but also your local national childbirth trust might have one or there may be othergroups around. You can sometimes find out through your health visitor or a local library.

Try it in front of a mirror at home. You'll be relieved how little you see. Have a top you lift so you don't expose the whole breast. People might notice you're feeding but they're unlikely to get a full eyeful. Once the baby's latched, their face covers the nipple and you see more looking down than someone would looking at you.

Are you worried about people confronting you? I've breastfed for about three years total, never had a comment. I don't tend to look around much to see if anyone is giving me a funny look.

Over time it seems totally normal, my nipples don't really seem rude any more, it's like getting my elbow out or something! Not sure if that's a good thing.

If scarves help that's cool, by 6 months or so babies often have other ideas though and just pull them off.

I am no wallflower but I found feeding in public really hard in the early days. As you get better at bf it becomes so much easier.

I just whip them out nowadays. Who wants to eat with a scarf on their head? Noone has ever said anything to me.

With my first I did as a PP said above, I pwuld wear a long vest top from H&M with thin adjustable straps under a loose fitting t-shirt. I would pull down the vest top and then left the t-shirt forwards and put the baby's head under it. I could see her face through the neck of my t-shirt. Not long before she didn't need help latching on anyway.

Plan to do this with next baby at first although they will be born end of March so won't be long until weather too hot for two tops (hopefully!) so then I will just wear a loose fitting t-shirt I suppose!

It is a bit awkward at first, and I expect to go through those feelings again as I remember how to do it and when the new baby is learning.

Gap do great concealed zip jumpers. Very discreet and easy to feed in

I always wore two tops. One to pull up and one to pull down. More because I didn't want people seeing my big wobbly belly if I had to pull my top up.

To build your confidence feed in front of the mirror to see how discrete it actually is. I never once had any comments about feeding.

Thank you so much everyone for such good advice! I was half expecting a few "suck it up you wimp" type comments if I'm honest so thanks for all being so nice!

I definitely think I am going to go to my local breastfeeding group this coming week. I kind of thought since things were going quite well at home that I didn't really need to go but I think it will help me, if nothing more than just to gain confidence in front of complete strangers.

I'm definitely going to try out a lot of the ideas on here, and feeling much more motivated to keep at it and not chicken out and take formula out with me.

I've been breastfeeding DD for nearly 2 year. Took about 10 weeks before I could do it without too much of a faff. Go to wardrobe is a nursing bra, vest top and top over that that can be pulled up. Sometimes I wear a top that can just be pulled down but she's older and can just sit across me as I don't need to worry about latch anymore.
You'll get there and honestly people aren't really watching you as much as you think they might be

Congratulations on your new arrival!

Just one thing to add is to see if there's a La Leche League or other breastfeeding group locally or a "breastfeeding cafe". Basically any group of women all feeding their babies in a public place! This really helped me initially to get over feeling self-conscious.

As others have said, it does get easier! I found from about 8 weeks I could just shiver her under my jumper, pull down my t-shirt/bra and she's latch herself on quite happily!

Good luck :)