Formula Feeding, worries and guilt.

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OK. This might be long but I need to get this out and hear some other thoughts. (DISCLAIMER: I am obviously newborn emotional so be kind to me!)

So. With DS1 I really wanted to breastfed. It became a weird obsession and it took up SO MUCH headspace and I am sure contributed to some post natal anxiety i was struggling with at the time. He was such an inefficient feeder and I had supply issues and he would just snack for hours and hours and hours. Until he would only boob during naps as he was too busy otherwise. We supplemented with bottles from the start as he was jaundiced and sleepy and didn't wet enough nappies. When we stopped breastfeeding lots of the fog of anxiety cleared and I don't know if that's the reason it cleared or just a coincidence, but I definitely felt more myself after stopping.

Now I am sitting with my 5 day old DD. I hoped breastfeeding would be different this time and wanted to give it a go, but i can feel the old thought patterns coming back, the obsession and the worry. We have given some supplemental formula as she was also a bit jaundiced and was taking ages to feed. Today we are combo feeding, but she's started refusing the boob when she's really really hungry. which i get, who wants to sit for an hour and fall asleep, when you can have your dinner in 10 mins AND spend time looking at all the stripes on your sleepyhead? I also just want to be able to be there for my big boy too and I don't want to end up having to lay or sit for hours feeding her when I could be sharing the load with her dad.

I think i want to formula feed her, but my hormones are making me feel sad about that. I also know this time there is milk there unlike last time which is tearing me up as i feel like i should breastfeed.

I'm also just worried about formula feeding. I hear so many stories of constipated babies and babies with tummy troubles from formula and I don't want to make more trouble for her. I also feel guilty about all the antibodies that she won't get and the fact she won't get what her big brother got... Mum guilt central.

anyway. TL:DR : I feel guilty about wanting to formula feed and my hormones are messing with my head.

Tell me your positive stories of formula feeding. Tell me about the times it was lovely to formula feed your kid. I need to hear some good stuff to take my mind off the hormones and guilt...

I formula fed both my babies from day 1 for my sanity, I'd read lots of stories and listened to lots of women who had bf and I felt it was best for me and my babies. I knew I'd be constantly worried about how much they were getting, I'd worry any little niggles (like dd's silent reflux) was down to something I did/ didn't do and I knew I'd resent being tied to sitting still and establishing it. I felt terrible often, that I'd prioritised myself over 'being a proper mum' and at least trying but now, with hindsight I know I made the right choice. They're both happy, healthy and although I won't have a third if I did I'd ff again. I did struggle a lot when my first was born and ff was the right choice.

I felt the same as you. I wanted to try and breastfeed but my DS would not latch. He was crying with hunger so I caved in and gave him a bottle.
I was fine with this until I got a call from the infant feeding team to see how I was getting with breastfeeding. I felt so awful at the time. Had I known they were available i would have persevered.
Turns out he had a tongue tie which is why he wouldn’t latch.
He’s doing great on the formula, he was 8lb 11oz when he was born and is now over 12lb. He does have the odd day with a sore tummy but mostly he is fine. I like that my husband can help me feed him and he enjoys it too.
Formula is not bad. A Fed baby is a happy baby not matter how you feed them.

I had a negative experience with breastfeeding my first and have decided not to breastfeed my next one (due June). I do sometimes have little doubts similar to what you are thinking about getting the same as older sibling, but I know in my heart of hearts I don't want to breastfeed again. Your DD already got antibodies from you when you were pregnant and from the breastmilk she has already had so you've done great.

There was a cool study that showed babies from Mums who wanted to breastfeed but didn't, had the same outcomes as babies from Mums who did breastfeed. Apparently it's the influence of Mum that is most important! Your mental health and wellbeing as a Mum is more important to your baby than your breastmilk.

Whatever you decide is the best decision. Take care xxx

You could express and bottle feed. Prob not every feed that's an unbelievable faff unless you have gallons of milk. Best ish of both worlds if you are concerned about sole formula feeding?

Could have written your post, totally get it. Do what works for you personally and as a family.
I did combination feeding for both with expressing for DD2 as a bit early, jaundiced and small and basically could not be arsed to breastfeed. For family history/allergy reasons I wanted her to have some breast milk. So we used formula and expressed milk, with a few mins on the boob at most feeds so she kept an idea and then as she got stronger she got much more efficient,
Eventually she turned into a bottle refuser just in time for me to return to work.
Bleddy children. So much stress.

Formula fed from birth, baby never had any tummy trouble or constipation, I really enjoyed her first weeks and months, got enough sleep as DH was able to take it turns to do the night feeds. We bonded beautifully and closely and I feel bottle feeding helped with that as I never had any pain or breastfeeding angst. It was 100% the right choice for us. Hope our positive experiences help Op, but do what is right for you, be it breast or bottle.

I formula fed #1 from birth as breastfeeding just wasn't for me then. He is a lanky streak of a teen now and has never had any issues that could be attributed to how he was fed as a baby.

I went on to breastfeed #2 for 16 months and found it mentally exhausting because I struggled with sole responsibility but easy otherwise. She's 6 now and is also healthy as far as her digestive tract is concerned.

Ultimately I really don't think it makes a difference and in a years time you really won't care - do what you feel is right for you.

I was ambivalent about BF, I just felt with no. 1 I had enough to adjust to and we'd it see how it went. When I wasn't offered any BF support in hospital I (exhausted after a failed induction, significant blood loss during my EMCS, etc etc etc) didn't push it. I had loads of milk though, and the guilt got me to head to the MLU on day 3 to give it a go. We were there for three hours with two midwives, DD crying hysterically, repeatedly latching then coming off the breast when it was too much effort to get any milk out. I felt really detached from the whole scenario; I didn't feel anything when I looked at her other than "I'm not happy, she's not happy; why am I doing this?".

Because I had so much milk I persevered with pumping for a few weeks and collected it in breast shells. She maybe had one feed a day of expressed milk for the first three weeks. At four months she's not only "fine" on formula, she's thriving. And I think me being happy, relaxed and (reasonably!) well rested in the first few weeks contributed to that.

With any subsequent DC I will try in hospital- I now have more confidence in myself and my instincts. But my priority is, and will remain, a fed baby and my own MH.

There is more to motherhood than breastfeeding. I found it incredibly difficult to deal with the guilt of not being able to breastfeed but I can now say, it didn’t make a significant difference, he is tall, he is clever, he rarely gets ill. No difference between him and his breastfed friends, the bottle didn’t damaged him.

We did a bit of both when DS2 was little.

I will admit I quite liked the whole shopping ie going and choosing a brand part. We didn't stick to one brand religiously, we are not in the UK and they didn't stick to one brand in hospital, we frequently got Aptamil one day, Milupa the next, unmarked another etc. So I didn't worry too much about having the same brand box every time and had a bit of fun choosing and deciding in the shop.

I also enjoyed the sciencey aspect as in the ritual of making it up, marking the time (or date, when we were still doing ready made), working out the right temperature etc.

It was handy for weaning too. I hadn't quite had the same experience with DC1 because DC1 enjoyed BLW but DC2 pretty much demanded to be spoon fed, and it was very useful to have some safe and nutritious milk to thin down and warm his food with which I hadn't had to express etc. In fact apart from a little bit when he was tiny in special care, I have not expressed AT ALL with DC2 which is an absolute win because expressing (literally) sucks.

Have you heard of paced bottle feeding? I followed this as it had some of the aspects I felt were important from breastfeeding and I am definitely happy with that choice. I would recommend looking it up and seeing if you like the idea.

Also, my 11yo was breastfed until he was 4 but he now lives off a diet of toast, coke, haribo and doner kebabs. I wish I was exaggerating. His farts can clear a room, and I dread to think of the state of his insides Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all. I have no idea which of his classmates were breastfed. Don't beat yourself up about it :)

Also - feeding doesn't happen in a vacuum. It is never as simple as one is best and the other is second best. There will be advantages and disadvantages to weigh up which are personal to you, your family, your baby, your situation - and it is your business only.

If breastfeeding goes along with anxiety for you, that would be a weighty disadvantage IMO. If you find formula feeding more convenient, that's an advantage in that direction. These things aren't true for everyone, which might be why another choice may be better for somebody else. There is no shame in saying this is the right choice for me. (Or there shouldn't be) :)

We were forced into formula - DD was really ill at a month old and the paediatrician took her off breast milk while they worked out what was wrong. By the time she had the all clear I had expressed lots but my milk had gone.

She’s happy, healthy, gains weight well, developmentally excellent and has zero tummy trouble.

She and DH have an amazing bond as he has been able to do feeds, and I was pretty well rested because I could sleep alternate nights while on mat leave and he dealt with the baby.

All you can do is what is best for your baby. I was made to feel pretty shit by some people for not bf-ing but it has been fine. Don’t beat yourself up!

I breast fed my first and all was fine.
I then had to have a bilateral mastectomy so I've physically not got any boobs so had no choice but to formula feed my second child. Formula isn't the devils work, and there are people like me out here who literally have absolutely no choice what so ever about using formula - and guess what.... it's been fine! Better in some respects as they fill up more!

I do breastfeed... I'm very lucky that it hasn't been problematic at any point BUT it has been incredibly restrictive at times; I have cried because I couldn't even pour myself a drink , I have had times where I resented my husband because it feels like everything rests on me at the end of the day.
I also considered switching to formula and was happy with my decision because, realistically, I don't think you can tell the difference between BF and FF babies/children/adults.
There's nothing wrong with FF, and if it gives you more time with your other child/chance for your partner to be more involved/is just the better decision for you then that's reason enough.
Parenting is sp hard and filled with unnecessary guilt... Don't put extra guilt onto yourself for making a choice that's right for you

Firstly don’t feel guilty for wanting to do the right thing for your baby. You choose what you think is right and sod anybody else.
My first baby was massive and a massive feeder. Over 11lbs. I wanted to breast feed, ha ha hilarious I couldn’t fill him. So tortured myself by mix feeding. He started to refuse the boob within a month. I felt guilty as hell, but he was fine I was fine, and actually I wasn’t able to satisfy him anyway so it worked out well. Baby two breast fed up until 3 months. Started badly. I had a c section, the milk wouldn’t come in, so she cried and cried in hospital and the midwives wouldn’t give me formula for her even though I’d been nil by mouth. The night before the section I walked the floor with her it was really awful. Eventually got a cup feed out of them in the mornkng after several distressed phone calls to husband over night. Eventually stopped breast feeding because of the night feeding it was killing me. Baby would feed for 45 mins and take a break for an hour or so and then back on, I had a toddler and it was all just too much. Baby 3 I couldn’t face the idea of no milk after the section and a sad hungry baby after a section again so I took in the ready made up bottles you just warm though to hospital. I mix fed from the start he was a hungry newborn tiny amounts but often and I didn’t have milk. He stays mix fed for two weeks the went over to formula. No regrets he slept through from 3 months it was amazing. My only change if we ever had another would be to look for a formula without as much sugar. My daughter and first son were a bit chubby as babies and young kids- not anymore though. I think hipp organic used to be the lower sugar one. Just do what works for you and yo ur baby. If breast feeding stresses you in anyway you can choose not to xx

DS and I struggled to bf, we really tried, and had a huge sound of support, but he was not interested and mostly refused the boob. I was gutted, it’s the only way I ever imagined feeding my baby. He lost 26% of his birthweight in 6 days and was on his way to SCBU when a midwife said (very kindly) “shall we try a bottle?”. She brought him back half an hour later, sleepy, smiling, totally sated and happier than I’ve ever seen him. I felt a huge wVe if relief and bottle fed from then on. It made us both very happy. I wasn’t without guilt, but the happy bottle fed baby was such a different one to the one I was trying to bf. He’s 11 now and has never had much interest in food; he’ll have just enough to keep him going, it’s fuel to him, he has few emotions around food. He’s also very tall, strong, healthy, happy popular and bright.

There are many ways to nurture a child. How you feed them for their first 6 months is just one of them.

With DD I bf for 3 weeks and hated it. I had proper flu when she was born and wasn’t recovering with all the feeding,, she fed about twice as often as her brother and I had a full on 3 year old to look after. I felt no regret about formula feeding her either.

If you go to a Receptuon class, you can’t tell who was bottle fed or formula fed.

Last line should say “breast fed or formula fed”.

I have 3 DC and have been lucky in that breastfeeding has been fairly easy for me. I EBF my first and second for 6 months then mix fed from 6 months onwards until I stopped feeding at 12 months.
However... I hated it. Absolutely hated breastfeeding. I wanted to love it, I just didn’t.
I mix fed DC3 from day 1 and switched completely to formula at 3 months. I had a few pangs about not giving him what I’d given the others but he’s a year old now and I don’t even think about it. He’s healthy, happy and thriving.