Not sure what to do now...very long sorry

[tirednewmum]

Help! My DD was born 5 weeks ago and was very big at birth (over 11lbs). I have been breastfeeding her from the start with no problems but am now wondering if I am doing the right thing. At 4 weeks her weight was just back to her birth weight and I was really disappointed as I thought she might have put on a few ounces. My HV has been brilliant and very reassuring. She explained that because my DD was off the scale (as it were) at birth that she may well still be settling down onto whichever line she's going to follow on the weight chart. She reviewed the feeding with me last week and all seemed good. I had loads of milk and was feeding DD on demand very regularly, DD was also having lots of wet and dirty nappies.
This week though when DD was weighed she was under her birth weight again by a couple of ounces - I've gone over the feeding again with my HV and now I come to think of it the wet and dirty nappies have decreased. My DD also slept through a couple of nights which of course, with hindsight I think is because she hasn't been taking enough.
My HV has suggested lots of skin to skin contact and to continue feeding on demand during the day. She's also advised me not to let DD sleep through the night but to wake her every 3 hours and feed her, all of which I am happy to do BUT - I care for my brother's children every weekday and have an elderly relative to care for. I have discussed all this with the HV and we have looked at ways around some things - am going to ask my brother to arrange other childcare for a few days for example.
However, I am now starting to think that bottlefeeding might not be such a bad idea - my Mum says she "ran out of milk" with me at six weeks and had to bottlefeed and I think I am just following the same pattern.

I've left a message for my HV to phone me tomorrow so I can talk to her about it - she has rung me a couple of times since DD was weighed to see how I am and has said several times that she is certain that this is a simple feeding problem that will resolve with increased breastfeeds. I am sure she'll be equally supportive if I want to bottlefeed but I just don't know what to do. All the extra responsibilities I have are making me think that bottlefeeding might just be an easier solution for my life at the moment. There are times when all I want to do is lie down with my DD for a sleep and to feed in peace but it's hard with my nieces and nephews around. I want to do the best for my DD but have reached the point where I no longer know what "the best" is.

Any ideas?

I bottle fed my 4 children and loved it. I would say you're doing all the right things. I don't really see a problem with dd sleeping through the night - its what we aim for!! Maybe she's settling now and isn't going to stay a big girl like you may have expected as she was big born. My nephew was over 9lb born but very quickly showed he was going to be small. He's now 2 and is tiny compared to my ds2 who was born a week later. Personally I wouldnt worry. Just feed on demand, dd sounds pretty content to me, why change that?

Thank you for that. I am not too worried about giving formula - just want DD to be settled. She IS fine but is obviously hungry during the day and I am finding I cannot keep up with her because of everything else going on.

I have a couple of ideas.

• The first is that you need a babymoon, feed continually for three days, just get in food, stay in bed and nurse your DD continually - I had to do this because my DD hopped from the 50th centile to over the 99th and was making demands my milk couldn't cope with to start with. See if that helps before you make any further decisions.

• The second idea is that maybe, just maybe you had gestational diabetes or something and that your DD is meant to be smaller and her weight is just equalising. My DD lost I think 17% of her birth weight within a month and the HV was starting to worry, but then she leapt up the centiles starting at eight weeks and continued off the charts! Five weeks is not a long time really. What centile is she on now?

• Third - are you sure she is getting the calorie rich hind milk - ie are you completely emptying the breast each time she feeds - or is she getting the low calorie foremilk and then dropping off? Perhaps you could try doing two concurrent feeds from the same breast and only switching when you are sure that breast is empty.

• Fourth - you sound like you are doing way too much for a new mum - I know you have these extra responsibilities but let's face it you sound bloody knackered and rightly so - you need at least a week off doing all this stuff so you can make a rational decision, not one fuelled by utter exhaustion.

Whatever you decide, you have done a great job so far and I'm sure you'll continue providing love and care for your daughter and congratulations on her! Little girls are very special (as are their mums!)

I breastfeed my dd and can't imagine choosing the hassle of sterilising bottles, making up formula and all that jazz! Maybe that's me just being lazy

it sounds like you're doing fine! the weight growth charts are based on ff babies who gain weight much faster anyway.

my ds was 8lb 13oz bw and he lost loads. my mw suggested waking him to feed every 3 hours and it did the trick over the next 3 weeks he regained his bw.

ff is fine too though if you feel like bf is getting too much. you could combine if you wanted to carry on bf.

good luck xxx

Thanks for that - she was above the top centile and is now on the 75th.

Maybe it would be easier on you if you did bottle feed. Don't know if i'm allowed to say this but they say now that you can't make bottles up and store them in fridge. But i've bottlefed 4 and stored mine in fridge for each of them. I don't understant why they tell you not to do that anymore. I used to make up bottles, store in fridge and use them within 24 hours. This was instructions on the box. When baby was hungry i just heated bottle up. i'm just thinking if you follow todays guidelines and have to make bottle as and when baby requires it then it may be quite hard work. You've done a great job bf her so far so whatever you decide, just be proud of yourself!

The babymoon sounds fantastic - my DH is very supportive and I can talk to him about things. I know he'd do everything in his power to support me.

They checked my DD at birth for any sign that I might have had diabetes but there was nothing to indicate that this was the case.

Yes - she is dropping off to sleep after about 15 mins - have talked with HV about this and have changed strategy by re-waking her by changing her nappy etc.

She's just woken up again so am off but thank you so much for the suggestions.

Think I am going to persevere but won't mind if I do introduce bottles.

Poor you, a new baby and all those extra people to care for as well! I agree with the other messages mainly that as she was so big to start with she should be fine and doesn't sound like she's hungry or not getting enough. She would presumably cry more if starving! I have just started to combine breast and bottle with my 15 week DS, for many different reasons, but I think doing both will actually make me bf for longer as I feel more free sometimes knowing that someone else can take him and feed him if I can't! So it may ease the pressure on your time etc to give some bottles. However, bf def best and you have to be careful bottle feeding doesn't interfere with bf. Sometimes we want to bf with all our heart and know it is best but life gets in the way! other kids, work, family etc. So don't beat yourself up either way, the most important thing is you are both happy and not too stressed.

Tirednewmum I would be very surprised if your mum 'just ran out of milk' at 6 weeks. Probably what happened is that she was given really bad 1970s advice like only feeding every 4 hours for so many minutes per breast and topping up with formula, so the supply and demand system broke down and she began to lose supply. It was really common. So don't think you will be the same.

It really sounds to me like you have far too much to do. When DS was 5 weeks old it was as much as I could do to keep us all clean and fed, let alone looking after other people's children and caring for an eldery relative. Is there no one else who could shoulder some of this responsibility? (sorry, have just read the bit where your brother is going to arrange alternative childcare - good for you!) You need the time and energy to look after your DD and spend time with her.

Someone else will be along with helpful advice about the BF I am sure but in the meantime you are obviously doing a fabulous job and you're lucky to have what sounds like a great HV. It would be a shame to get this far with the BF and then start bottle feeding just as the BF gets easier, or so everyone tells me. Bottle feeding is such a faff, I find, and adds so many extra jobs with the sterilising etc. But good luck with whatever you decide

TNM...you sound as if you have a great HV!

Your dd is probably undergoing 'catch down' growth - perfectly expectable and physiological with 11 lb birthweight.

Feeding more often - and arranging your life to enable this to happen - is a good idea, and while it is going to be more labour-intensive in the short term, in the longer term bf is less hard work than ff, especially if you prepare bottles according to current guidelines.

(BTW - Emzy, the charts are not based on formula fed babies. In the UK, they are based on babies whose feeding is not differentiated (though the majority of them are likely to have been ff, it's true) and ff babies tend to grow slightly more slowly than bf babies in the first months. It's only after 3-4 mths that ff babies grow faster)

tirednewmum...
at 4 weeks you start to see less dirty nappies. it is just that her gut is getting more efficient at digesting breastmilk so there is less waste now.

mothernature doesn't do leftovers, i say.

as tiktok says, bf is so much easier than ff once they start to feed faster. i should think by week 8 or 10? can't remember quite when as dd is now over 2.

oh soon enough you may start to get 1 poo 4 or even up to 10 days. afaik, ff babies poo much more often than this...

Thank you all so much for replies. I've just managed to log back in.

Have spoken with my HV this morning and am definitely going to persevere with breastfeeding for at least another week and will see how I go then. HV advised me not to make any rapid decisions unless I am really sure that ff is the way I want to go.

tiktok - you are right - my HV is fabulous, I have heard horror stories about HVs so wasn't sure what to expect but I seem to have a really nice one - she's very supportive and friendly.
Am all set for a weekend babymoon - might even start it early. DD seems a little more content this morning which is lovely because she just hasn't been sleeping at all during the day over the past week.

tirednewmum - congratulations on your DD! Glad you have decided to carry on for now. Just a warning - you will need some time for you and DD in the next week or two as she is likely to go through a 6 week growth spurt. My DD went on for days and days feeding almost constantly. She will very likely wake you up every hour or so at night as well. This was the point where she really began to put on wieght. Please get some help with the other dependents so you can concentrate on DD.

Good Luck!

And your HV sounds great! Glad someone else has a good one - they are few and far between

tirednewmum - just wanted to send you a big virtual hug because you sound like you're doing amazingly well. My baby is also 5 and a bit weeks old and I can't imagine having other children and a relative to care for right now, so I'm really glad you're getting help sorted with that. It's great you're going to persevere with the BF too - I bet your LO's weight settles itself and you will be really glad you hung on in there. And I agree that you mum 'running out of milk' was probably the same as happened to so many women at that time (my mum, like most of her generation, was told to BF me for 10 minutes each side every 4 hours - thankfully she was a rebel and totally ignored that advice ).

You're doing great, it will be fine!

tirednewmum - some great advice on here. Re keeping your dd awake enough to get a long feed, apart from changing her nappy, you could try taking off her babygro (but put it back on after the feed!), stroking the soles of her feet or the palms of her hands. With ds1 I also used to just move slightly so the nipple moved in his mouth, and that would often stimulate him to start sucking again - however make sure that your latch doesn't slip or you'll get sore.

Hurrah for supportive HV's!!

Just wanted to let you all know that having followed my HV's advice to wake my DD up 3 hourly overnight she gained 10oz this week.

So glad I decided to persevere. Was so anxious but HV said as soon as I took DDs clothes off that she looked bigger than last week. Am so pleased.

Thank you all for your support last week.