I'm losing hope - should I continue to BF?

[RedPandaFluff]

I have an almost 4-week old baby girl and I've breastfed since she was born by emergency section (pre-eclampsia). She lost 10.5% of her birth weight by day 5 and it's been a huge struggle to get her to gain weight - we only just got her past her birth weight a week ago, and did this by offering a bottle of expressed milk after every feed. So, that worked, but slowly.

I'm at the end of my rope, though. The days are an endless cycle of breastfeeding, bottle-feeding when she isn't satisfied, sterilising, expressing etc. I've had a lactation consultant visit twice - there's nothing wrong with her latch, she doesn't have tongue-tie, I'm doing hand compressions and switch feeding and following all the advice the consultant gave me and yet now that I've started to try to rely more on breast milk and less on bottles (with the ultimate goal being to exclusively breastfeed) I'm finding that she's dissatisfied and I'm convinced she'll have lost weight (or plateaued) when I weigh her tomorrow.
I'm also still finding breastfeeding painful, which I thought would have eased by now.

I strongly feel that breastfeeding just isn't working for us, in spite of all my efforts and how much I want it to. I don't think I'm getting enough milk out of my breast into her when she's feeding, in spite of doing compressions and checking she's swallowing etc. I also have concerns about my supply - I can just about express enough per day to satisfy her, even though I'm using a hospital grade pump and timing expressing carefully. I followed all the advice available on how to increase supply and it hasn't made much difference over the past couple of weeks.

Do I just need to accept that it's not working and move to formula? Life would be so much easier and I'd know for sure my daughter is getting the nourishment she needs . . . but I'll be so disappointed in myself.

I'd really appreciate any advice - I feel so sad at the moment, it's just such a grind and it doesn't seem worth it anymore

Do NOT make yourself feel bad for going to formula! You gave it a good go, you need to do what's best for you and your DD

I was in a similar boat, DD would have boob, expressed milk top up and still not be satisfied, it was stressful and I could tell it was going to start affecting my MH if I didn't stop. She's been much happier and contented since being FF, as have I!

First of all if you want to stop it’s perfectly ok and you have no reason to feel disappointed in yourself. Breastfeeding is a tiny part of motherhood and it’s not something you fail at. The same way you don’t fail at birth if you choose a caesarean.

Secondly if you do want to carry on there are options that don’t involve a dissatisfied baby and a life focused round feeding. You could decide to mixed feed and give some bottles of formula, breastfeed at other feeds and nix the expressing. You could use a supplementer at the breast with or without some bottles or expressing.
Maybe have a chat with someone about the many middle ground options there are and work out what is best for you and your baby.

Sometimes the advice is very focused on EBF as the outcome but while an schedule of feeding, expressing, supplementing and trying to increase Supply is doable in the short term it quickly becomes impractical for lots of us.

I have 2 DC. With my DS i breastfed for almost 6 weeks and it was mostly hell. I got mastitis twice and I was miserable, but I beat myself up about it all. When I switched to formula the relief was immense and my son was absolutely fine and is now a thriving 3 year old. My DD is now 15 months and I'm still breast feeding her.. what a completely different experience this time round it's been and I have no idea why. But there's no difference in how she is and how my son was at the same age.
Formula or breast fed it's all nourishment. You've done amazing, but if you're instinct is to move to the bottle then your DC will be 100% fine and if you are happier then it's a winner all round. If your instinct is to continue with breast feeding then just keep seeking out all the support you need until it clicks.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. The support and reassurance really helps, as does reading about your experiences. Especially interesting that BF could work well for one baby but not another!

My logical mind totally knows it's fine to stop BF and move to formula, but my logical mind seems to have checked out of this entire conversation

I think I need to give it a few more days and see how the next couple of weigh-ins go, and then make a decision. Mixed feeding might be the way forward.

This is waaaaaaay harder than I thought it would be! Not quite the natural, beautiful, easy activity you think it is . . . certainly not in the first few weeks, anyway!

Sometimes it happens that breastfeeding doesn't work. I had no problems at all breastfeeding my first two DC, but it just didn't work with DC3. He just didn't gain weight. I mixed fed from 6 weeks but it was exhausting, so i eventually decided I had to stop breastfeeding altogether and switched to formula. He thrived on it, was a much happier baby and we were a much happier family as a result.

It's OK to stop. You've given it your best shot. Don't be surprised if you're emotional about stopping, just have a good cry if you need to then let it go and move on

❤️ @redpandafluff

Whatever you decide to Do is absolutely fine. Feeding is just that. Feeding. Making sure they have enough to eat. It doesn't matter how that's done.

On the pumping side... you said you were just about getting enough but it wasn't the best supply. Are you eating and drinking enough? I solely expressed with both of mine and the hospital grade pump was the business 🙌🏻. But if I didn't drink at least 3l a day and eat high calorific foods (cheese and yogurts!) I noticed a massive drop in supply. It takes, in my experience around 2/3 days for changes to be made either way so if you decide to continue just give it a week to see if anything changes.

Whatever you decide to do, well done on how you've gotten on so far. It's tough in the early days. You're doing great

Just wanted to point out the amount you can express isn't always indicative of your overall supply. I could hardly express a drop but could feed my baby and did so until well over a year.

Also have u tried the National breastfeeding helpline?

Good luck, it's hard work

I'd wait for some more weigh ins. Lack of wet nappies and weight gain is a sign of low supply. The baby being a miserable sod who wants to feed constantly isn't necessarily.

Obviously it's your choice how to feed in the long run though.

I could of written your post 8 weeks ago lovely. I’m a FTM to a lovely now 12 week old. I tried so hard to breast feed- saw endless professionals and went to many groups. My little one could not latch well and it never improved despite what I tried.
I was in the same cycle of feed, bottle top up, express and was getting very little sleep. I became more and more distressed, tearful and I was dreading feeds. We switched to bottles at 6 weeks as that was my deadline of if it was going to work that would be the point. It didn’t work. I exclusively pumped until 8 weeks then introduced formula. We are now 50/50 formula and breast milk. All via the bottle. I don’t regret this at all as I now have a happy content baby. I’m now phasing out the breast milk as pumping is time consuming and as my baby become more active it is harder to do.
I wrote exactly what you said about logical mind via emotion. Feeding is an emotional topic- I cried when I gave up feeding from the breast directly. I am sad and tearful at times about the thought of stopping expressing but I know I am doing what is best for me and my baby. Breast is not always best- happy mum, happy baby. You need to do what works for you and your baby. If that is stopping then do that or if you want to keep going, keep going but whatever you do you are doing a great job mum.

Thank you so much everyone. We weighed her again last night and she's gained 60g over two days, which isn't much but follows a general slow trend upwards. I've had a look at WHO growth charts etc. and it doesn't look as if she's in any red zones.

I'm going to give it another week and see how things look after that. Having said that, I have a blocked milk duct now that I just cannot clear (I've done EVERYTHING - hot and cold compresses, massage, vibrations, you name it, I've tried it!) and if that develops into mastitis then I think it would be the last straw

That's great news you're feeling more positive and that's she's gaining weight. Have you tried getting her to feed to clear the blocked duct? As I said in my pp, I don't know why it's been easier 2nd time round but the second I've felt anything I've got my DD to feed straight away to clear it. A warm shower before feeding her might encourage things along too. Keep seeking advice, you're doing amazing!

Hi everyone - just thought I would post an update, in case anyone else is in a similar position and comes across this thread.

I've persevered with breastfeeding DD during the day but given her three bottles overnight of 3oz each. I've been really vigilant about making sure she's actively feeding (compressions etc.) and it seems to be paying off as she's now in the 82nd percentile for weight/age (she's previously been in the 95th). So there's improvement. Feeding her still bloody hurts though, but at least I know milk is actually getting to her!

As for the lump, it's still there, and no amount of feeding, expressing, compressions, massage, vibrations, compresses, hot showers etc. are budging it, so in view of the fact it's been almost a week I've made an appointment at the docs tomorrow.

So, tentatively, I might keep going with BF . . . don't feel like we're out of the woods yet though. Thanks again for all your advice and support.

How you getting in OP?

Personally I found fenugreek tablets really upped my milk levels. My shockingly high blood pressure levels or the meds for it seemed to reduce my milk flow despite best efforts.
Made me smell a it garlicky but helped me breastfeed long term with one bottle of formula last thing at night (by hubby while I was asleep)

Well GUESS WHAT . . .

It turns out my little lady has a tongue tie after all, in spite of my GP and a private lactation consultant both saying she doesn't. A lady from the local breastfeeding support group kindly came out to visit us the other day and said she thought DD might have a restrictive posterior frenulum - sure enough, she did, and we had it snipped on Friday. Feeding is still painful but less so than before, and I'm hoping that's another obstacle overcome!

I'm taking fenugreek, @happytoday73 and I agree that it can help with supply issues. Drinking lots of water seems to have helped too.

I'm feeling a lot more positive now - we'll keep weighing her, because that's the real indicator of whether she's getting enough from me, but it's worth persevering at this point. My nipples are still sore but I think it's from all the feeding and expressing!

Part of me longs to switch to formula though. It just looks so much easier . . .

Thank you for your words of wisdom and support, everyone - the last few weeks have been a real mental and physical challenge!

That's ace well done for persevering and finding out about the tongue tie. The people running peer support groups are amazing!!
Having done both breast and bottle it's funny because bottle feeding is easier in those first few weeks, but breast is sooo much easier long term as there's no sterilising, prepping etc.

I ordered some things on amazon called Hydrogel Breast Discs. They weren't cheap but they were so soothing and better than anything else I tried to help me keep going.

Great news!

Oh my goodness! Most of this post is like I could have written it!
Honestly it made me cry 😢

We are 4 weeks in and my baby girl still isn't back up to birth weight, although we are getting there with the help of expressed top ups after every day feed and formula aft night.

I think I have plenty of milk and no pain, and baby girl seems to latch well pretty much most of the time. She just doesn't take the milk once latched. I'm losing my marbles!

I'd love to drop the expressing, it takes SO LONG but I don't know how I will ever trust I can feed her with the boob alone. Especially seeing as when I last did she lost 12% of her birth weigh, despite being on the boob all the flipping time!!

My midwife doesn't think she has a tongue tie, but does have a very small tongue (mine is the same). Wonder if it's just that and I'm fighting a losing battle.......

@elvis4nuts if there seems to be an issue with milk transfer I would get your DD checked for tongue tie. My GP said he didn't think my DD had one, an independent lactation consultant (whom I saw twice) said she didn't think she had one; it was only when I saw an NHS breastfeeding support lady that she said it was a possibility. I then got a proper consultation from a dental surgeon who is a member of the Association of Tongue Tie Practitioners and who specialises in this area, and he spotted a posterior tongue tie straight away. It has made such a difference - I can see DD swallowing milk now.

I completely understand what you mean about trusting breastfeeding - I'm thinking about reducing the supplementary expressed milk down to two bottles, which is really scary but DD seems to have turned a corner and is slowly gaining weight in small increments. I would recommend taking your DD to a specialist - even if it's not a tongue tie, there could be something about your DD's mouth anatomy that is preventing her feeding properly. I'm sending you mental hugs because it's so stressful and upsetting

@RedPandaFluff Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot.
There is so much help out there I don't know where to start.
My midwives don't seem to be concerned with working out what the problem is, she's putting on weight now so they have discharged us.

I don't know if I should pay for someone to come round to the house? I get the impression a chat at a breast feeding cafe won't cut it on this one!

How do you go about finding a dentist who knows what they are talking about?
X

@elvis4nuts our midwives were exactly the same - all they cared about was getting her back to birth weight so they could discharge us

I found someone who came out to our house - it costs more, but at least you're in a comfortable environment to feed and comfort them after the procedure (which is totally fine, by the way - worse for you than it is for the baby!) Look on www.tongue-tie.org.uk/ for qualified practitioners in your area.

I chose a dental surgeon out of our available options based on advice I got from the NHS breastfeeding support lady who said they know a lot about mouth anatomy (naturally!) Whereabouts are you? I'm in the North West so if it's useful I can tell you who we saw.

Just think of this: you need to feed your child and if that means formula, do it. My breastmilk did come until 3day after ds was born. So I did formula. I got criticism from one nurse at mat ward saying if you give him formula, he will have formula always, well that's a lie. You can feed baby both and if breastmilk runs out, use formula. Just make sure your baby is full of nutrients and is healthy.

I mixed fed my first and when they turned one I ditched the formula and used cows milk as a drink and bf for every nap, comfort, whenever they grabbed at my top, to go to sleep at night etc. Using a bit of formula to help ease things for you does not mean the end of bf! It saved out bf relationship and we fed until he was three.

My second didst have formula for 3 months - and took 6 weeks to regain birth weight and at 12 weeks was only 300g above birth weight! After a trip to hospital I had to start formula top ups, I wish I had from the start as she’s barely back to 9th centile at 9 months after being born on 75th.

Hope things improve after the snip!

I hadn't seen your thread until today OP, and when I read that it was still hurting despite an apparent good latch I wondered about tongue tie - how annoying it was missed by so many people! Glad things are getting better now though :)

To PP, breast milk doesn't normally one in until around day 3, before that there's just colostrum.

@RedPandaFluff
Just had a private lactation consultant come out and guess what....
Posterior tongue tie!!!
I'm so relieved!