A cry for help from a first timer

[MamUpNorth]

My daughter is 3 weeks old and our feeding journey has been really difficult so far. We were readmitted at 3 days due to low weight. She did amazing and was back to birth weight at 10 days. In hospital I was advised to express top up feeds. She now doesn't need the top ups but I have a huge over supply. I also have flat nipples and we're having to use a shield. I think these issues are causing problems with milk transfer - my boobs still feel uncomfortably full even after a feed. I'm seeing my local feeding clinic and have been advised to express just for comfort, but even for comfort I'm having to express several times a day and getting 100-200ml every time. When I was expressing to empty I was getting 300-400ml several times a day. Feeding her is very painful, I try to express a little before feeding just to soften and in the hope that this will help her latch. At my last feeding clinic appointment I was adviaed to try to get off the latch but she won't stay on without it. I'm not sure what my question is here, I'm just really struggling. I feel like the odds are against us and I really want to breastfeed. I think about giving up daily (hourly) but it breaks my heart to think of bit doing it anymore. I'm giving a couple of bottles as substitute feeds every day to give myself a break.

First of all congratulations on breastfeeding for this long already with baby no1, it really is an achievement even with expressing, expressing is double the work. You will be producing extra milk because of the expressing and your milk supply hasn't regulated yet. It's one of those damed if you do, damed if you don't things, don't express = heavy painful boobs for a couple of weeks, do express = over supply of milk which causes painful boobies. I switched to exclusively expressing after about 3 weeks with my first. I would completely empty both boobs first thing in the morning and get about 600ml from each (I had a lot of milk) then express about another 4 times during the day and get another 400/500ml at each session so I know what you mean about getting comfort. Just keep doing what your doing, it gets easier, and it's still very early days.. If you wanted to you could express for a day or two and let your partner do the feeds so you can get a bit of a break.

Thank you so much for your reply . And thank you for the encouragement! I feel such a failure for wanting to give up so soon. Our last feed today was awful. My breasts and nipples are so painful I had to take her off after a couple of minutes and give her an expressed bottle. I'm feeling really anxious now about her next feed. So did you end up feeding her exclusively with expressed bottles? I find expressing much less painful than feeding her.

Hello!

My breastfeeding journey has been extremely difficult for the first 8 weeks. I had massive oversupply, constant engorgement, mastitis twice (2 courses of antibiotics), thrush, and super painful nipples. I thought my supply would never regulate itself.

I did express a little before each feed as due to the engorgement my baby couldn't latch. I also expressed a little in between feeds for a little relief.

After those 8 weeks mastitis cleared, supply regulated, nipples healed. Now I love breastfeeding. I get sad thinking that this breastfeeding period will be over soon :(

If I could change something I would express more to avoid engorgement. I was too scared to produce more milk so I expressed as little as I could. But now I think that if I had expressed more I would have felt more comfortable, could have avoided mastitis and supply would regulate itself anyway.

You are doing great.
I'm so sorry it has been hard but honestly the worst bit is over.
With my first, the first 3 weeks were an absolute torture and I fantasised about quitting. Then suddenly overnight everything started working.

I am absolutely sure it will for you too.
You desperately need to ease up on pumping. I know it's hard but missing a couple of feeds will mean things start to calm down. Massage your breasts when they get sore and maybe hand express a little for relief, but put down the pump. I had to do top ups with my last 2 babies and it was exhausting.
You've got this mama. You do. I'm sorry it is so hard. You'll turn a corner soon. Don't give up on a bad day.

Yeah I switched exclusively to expressed bottles as my nipples where in bits and postnatal depression had started to kick in, I felt awful about switching to bottles but in the end I made the right choice for both of us, I was able to start enjoying feeding times rather than get a feeling of dread anytime she would start rooting. Maybe try different holds? I found my second baby fed better when in the rugby hold. Don't beat yourself up, there's already so much pressure on new mothers, just do what feels right for you. Boob or expressed bottle it's all the same. If you wanted to give formula then that's up to you to, no one will judge. A fed baby is a happy baby.

Make sure when expressing that you feel around your boob for nodules, the mammary ducts, as if you are feeling a bit full still it could be that ducts aren't emptying properly. Massage any ducts that feel a bit hard when expressing and they should soften up and help you to feel emptier. If any are particularly troublesome massage in a hot bath, when milk often leaks anyway. Hope that helps!

Thanks so much everyone! The advice about massage might really help - I often feel very bumpy even after a feed. I've had a terrible day today. I had to abandon 2 feeds as I was in floods of tears with the pain and bleeding nipples. The guilt is unbelievable but I just couldn't do it. I'll definitely try different positions too, I've got a bit lazy and just sticking with the same. In really hoping we'll turn a corner soon. I see people who are 6 months in and have had such a lovely journey and I so hope that will be me.

@MamUpNorth I totally get where you are coming from I was like that when I started feeding Dd. Definitely other holds helped a lot, the rugby one for us worked as she just wouldn't latch correctly on my right boob. Oh and the massage technique can obviously be done whilst they're feeding to. Hoping you turn a corner soon. I know what it's like to have relatch them half a dozen times to, but remember you're both learning how to make it work.

You are doing amazing! And have done so much hard work already. It will get better.

Massage and also warm and cold compresses in bra will help with the pain.
I also have flat nipples, tbh I didn’t realise they were until I saw it written in my maternity notes! With practice every day, and as dd got bigger she found it easier and easier until the whole nightmare became a distant memory. I found once we got lying down feeding things really turned a corner. Have you tried that? She also latched better evenings/nighttime so embrace the cluster feeding. xx

Hang in there! It's been a few years since I was in your shoes, but don't babies often have a growth spurt around the 4 week mark? This is a time when they need to feed more often. Maybe this will come at a time when you need it to help with your current oversupply. I totally agree that expressing the excess will be keeping your supply above what is needed & pp advice about massage can really help.

Mumsnet was a wonderful resource for me when my last dc was the same age. I felt really down and alone about breastfeeding (my third child) and couldn't get hold of anyone in real life. Someone on mumsnet gave me great advice and I never looked back. We survived & actually went on to keep breastfeeding until she was nearly 3. I'm forever grateful to that poster & hope you get the same support on here. Good luck. It gets better. You are through the worst.

OP hope you're doing okay. I had a really hard time feeding my one too but we are 13 months in and really enjoying it. Took me about 10 weeks though to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'd say 12 weeks before I felt like we could do it indefinitely.

Sounds like a long time when you're in the thick of it but in the grand scheme of things you'll get through and it'll be totally worth it. I cried a lot and had really badly damaged as DS had an undiagnosed tongue tie until he was 7 weeks and then we had to relearn how to do it all over again.

I found 'laid back' breastfeeding or 'biological nurturing' the best position for us - was a lot more intuitive and baby led and much less intervention on my part and it made a huge difference. Not so much to his latch but to his mood and that helped relax me too as he wasn't as stressed.

There's a big growth spurt around 6ish weeks and they have a really weird rapid head expansion and it helps MASSIVELY to the point it just became bearable for us and we muddled on to now.

If it's something you really want to do you definitely will manage to get there but your little one has already absolutely had the best start and so many benefits from you so I really hope you don't lost hope and get the support you need. I found HV visits and going to BF support groups kept me going and also took him to baby chiropractic sessions - I'd try to arrange appointments spaced out so I had one every few days. I found it was easier to manage in 3 day chunks and then I'd see someone and get a renewed sense of hope. Over time I just didn't need to see many people.

Best of luck - Mumsnet here for support!