My mil has made me slightly doubt myself - BF

[Duggeeismysaviour]

So I'm ebf dc2, who is 4 weeks old.

Ebfd dc1 for 14 months, all went well, so I'm not brand new to this.

My mil is very pro bf and supportive but also strongly opinionated and will let you know what she thinks, always.

I was enjoying this second newborn phase as I was going with the flow, and not being influenced by anyone else/Google.

Now mil is staying for the week she had had insight into what I do and has said, multiple times, that dc2 doesn't need bfing (eg when fussing, or mouthing towards whoever is holding). This is never to me, it's either to dc herself or today, to someone holding her who said she thought she was hungry. In these instances, mil says dc:

• needs something to suck for comfort
• has had so much milk she has tummy ache and just thinks she needs to suck for relief.

So I am bfing very frequently. At times its every hour, just a little session. She can easily go 3 hours other times . Now I am doubting this. I basically offer it for comfort (no concerns about rods and backs, managed with dc1). She is growing Very fast (which makes me wonder if mil thinks I'm overfeeding), and takes on a decent amount at each feed. Feeding time varies from 5-25mins.

I keep telling myself you cannot over feed a bf baby. Right??!

I do try other things first if she is fussing but ultimately, if she needs comfort (from discomfort, from busy house at Xmas). Surely bf is the ultimate place for her to get that?!

She's old school, my mum (who bf me and was very supportive) comes out with similar comments. In her day the advice was every

I would carry on doing what you feel is right. At that young age I put both of my DCs on the breast whenever they were fussing.

She’s four weeks old! Just carry on feeding on demand as you are. You’re doing brilliantly.

“Advice now is to feed on demand. She’s too young to be on a schedule”. And repeat.

You are right. You cannot overfeed them.

They will feed for comfort, without taking loads of milk, if anything. But it's comforting and wonderful and the best place to be, at 4 weeks old thats the perfect place to get away from a noisy, busy and bright world (hold on, it will get quieter!) and you are doing it right.

Comfort "feeding" is perfectly valid... goodness, I did it with my 18 month old this week as she is getting overwhelmed!

You carry on doing it right and comforting that baby right ~hugs~

Argh sorry posted too soon... advice was to feed no more often than 3 hourly or else the baby was basically running rings around you. I've been feeding my lo like you are, don't mind if it's for comfort, so far so good, you can't overfeed! Just ignore her and do it your way

You can’t overfeed a breastfed baby. Simply because unlike formula it isn’t just food — it’s water, medication, and changes consistency depending on the baby’s needs. So if the baby is feeling windy or overfull drinking more will help correct.

I think it sounds like you're doing fine :)

It took until DC3 for me to feel fully confident to ignore PIL and parents comments. Although I did claim my own living room back with DC2 after leaving the room every time to feed DC1.

Well your mil might be right (no one can tell) but since you are available for sucking on its all irrelevant isn't it. If baby wanted to suck but not feed they would do so - on you (since you're happy with it and all).

Don’t let her make you doubt yourself. My mum told me to only BF for 20 minutes at a time every two hours.... obviously advice now is to BF for as long as baby needs!

Carry on as you are. Ds (first baby) fed loads and grew like a weed. I fed him on demand. Dd fed every 4 hours, her choice, (I still fed on demand but she didn’t want much milk), and grew very slowly, she was and still is tiny, she didn’t need much milk. Big bruiser Ds did . You can’t over feed a bfed baby they will have as much or as little as they want.

• • needs something to suck for comfort

• has had so much milk she has tummy ache and just thinks she needs to suck for relief. *

Unless your four-week-old is such a prodigy they can talk already, MIL has no way of knowing this. And what's wrong with your baby needing something to suck for comfort? That's what feeding is for, as much as food!

A baby won't feed if it doesn't want to. If you're happy and DD is happy, carry on happily ignoring MIL. Smile blandly, feign deafness, feed away.

I went into a coffee shop once with DS1 when he was a baby and got told the same by an older waitress who worked there when I went to put him on the boob when he was fussing. If it was the DS2 I would have told her where to go but was a bit shocked at first with it being my first ever "negative" BFing comment.

Anyway, DS1 comfort fed, cluster fed, latched on through the night for months and months. Whenever he wanted it he got it, and that has always been the MW/HV advice I've got. Especially with a newborn. DS2 funnily enough has never fed as frequently as DS1 did, but still very much on demand.

Sounds like you are doing a perfect job. Keep it up!

To be polite, it's old school advice she's repeating which she probably heard herself. To be frank, it's none
of her bloody business. Is it stressing you out or can you just ignore her? I had some of this from my MIL but it's intense when they're staying with you. You're doing bloody fabulously- please don't doubt yourself. And merry first Christmas little one!

This sounds like what my mum used to say to me. "He doesn't need more food, he's using you as a dummy." It's just the advice they would have been given and that advice has since changed.

Just do what you feel is right.

Dummy is short for 'dummy tit' meaning when babies are sucking one they really want to be on a nipple. There is nothing wrong with feeding for comfort, it's how babies are designed to be soothed.

Thank you all so much for your advice and support, it really helped me feel more confident in my choices again. Sorry for the delayed response, in a bit of a sleep deprived Christmas daze!