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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

When will I get a cuddle?

14 replies

Tissy · 02/09/2002 10:29

This is related to breastfeeding in a way!

My dd is nearly 8 mos old, and loves to sit on Dad's knee and be cuddled/ read a story/ watch the football on telly. She WILL NOT be cuddled by me! Dh insists its because I smell of milk (midwife in hospital told him that i would have difficulty settling her because of the smell!). She is happy to play with me, and of course happy to feed from me... but I WANT A CUDDLE!! Am I going to have to wait until we have given up b/f? It's making me feel like I've spawned a real Daddy's girl, and that my only use is as a milk bar. We're not having any more children, so no chance of having a Mummy's boy next

OP posts:

mears · 02/09/2002 11:00

Tissy - you will get cuddles while you are still breastfeeding. Even bottle feeding mothers have babies who prefer to be cuddled by daddy for a while. Remember as well that B/F is a way of cuddling at this age anyway. It is not just food but is great comfort too.
BTW - my daughter loves a cuddle much more than my boys

Original poster

Tissy · 02/09/2002 11:11

Thanks, mears. Unfortunately, b/f doesn't feel much like a cuddle at the moment- dd has discovered what she can do with fingernails and spends most of her time pinching/ scratching sticking them up my nose..... I've tried cutting and filing them, but they still can cause damage. My boobs/ chest/ neck and face are covered in scratches and bruises ATM. I attempt to hold her free hand while she's feeding, but she just wrestles it free and gives me an extra specially big pinch for my efforts! Maybe I should go back to scratchmitts for a while....

OP posts:

Joe1 · 02/09/2002 14:11

My ds too went through a stage of pinching and scratching and at approaching too we have really just stopped bf. My dh was convinced that because I was breastfeeding that he wouldnt want to settle with him to sleep etc. But he has turned into a real daddies boy infact a little shadow, climbs onto him to fall asleep etc etc. I too sometimes felt I was only there for feeding and comfort but I now get lovely great big hugs and kisses and likes nothing better than to cuddle up with me at night in bed and fall asleep.

SofiaAmes · 02/09/2002 16:35

Tissy, my son is 21 months and still prefers to "cuddle" daddy than mummy. However, when he hurts himself, my kisses on the "hurt" spot seem to work better than daddy's. I wouldn't take it too personally. My poor mother (who I am very very close to now) insists I used to push her away as a new born baby and didn't start sitting on her lap and cuddling her until I was 16 years old.

ionesmum · 02/09/2002 21:34

Tissy, dd and I do cuddle but she still spends much of the time scratching, pinching, sticking her fingers up my nose and pulling my hair. I take it as a sign of affection

Cha · 03/09/2002 17:48

Tissy - my dd was the same until about a month or two ago (she's now nearly 11 months) and although she still does the pinching and digging up my nose into my brain stuff, she is now much more tactile. Don't know what changed her - maybe it was crawling and the realisation that she and I were not one and the same being? Who knows? Anyway, she often comes slap slapping across the floor on all fours and throws her arms round my neck and even strokes my arm when b/fing if I'm lucky.

She has, however, just said her first word, which she repeats for hours on end. It is, of course, "Dad-dy"...

slug · 04/09/2002 14:00

It's so irritating isn't it? The sluglet is such a daddy's girl. She had a bug last week, vomiting everywhere, MIL and I spent hours with her, but as soon as daddy arrived, well, a cuddle from him and she was belting around the floor rearranging the CD's and wine bottles as normal. I also get the pinches and scratches, but I take heart from the fact that she regularly inflicts pain on her father trying to undo his nipples.

If it's any consolation, at 10 months she has suddenly started giving me speed cuddles, a 5 second cuddle then off to destroy something else.

manna · 04/09/2002 14:37

lol slug - I get speed cuddles too!! big sigh, thumb in, head turned to side and rested on my sholder. BLISS!!! then, he's off.....

bundle · 04/09/2002 14:42

weird, this attachment business. little bundle is very much a mummy's girl at the moment, daddy's attentions particularly reserved for 'rough' play, mummy for cuddles, quiet moments and when feeling upset. I'm sure it'll change

genia · 08/09/2002 20:54

Hi everybody
I am feeling a little sad today because ds is also showing HUGE amounts of affection for his Daddy and taking me much more for granted. Only today he wanted to be picked up by him MANY more times than by me. It could be that he is with me ALL the time so his Dad, as well as being lovely and his Daddy of course, also has scarcity value? He is still breastfed at almost 10 months so I too feel a little like a milkbar whereas the entertainment is found elsewhere? I know this sounds immature in a way - I'm sure babies and children go through every phase under the sun in terms of attachment to both and or either of their parents, and I am very glad that he gets on so well with his Dad, but it taps firmly into my own insecurities that I have had for YEARS now about being "boring" (to put it bluntly). I think it's also that I desperately want to be needed and have realised that I am not as needed as I thought. Also, having spent ALL my time with ds since he was born I'm beginning to think maybe I need to do my own thing too - I think in a sick kind of way I was trying to secure ds's affection (yes, sad!) but have realised you don't have to spend every minute of your time (due to dh's job) with your baby and that maybe the baby/child is better off seeing you with a life of your own?
Anyway, any thoughts appreciated...
My neighbour reckons Dad's are there for when the child is well and Mum's for when they are not feeling well...
Eugeniaxx

musica · 08/09/2002 21:10

Genia - you have my sympathy - my 14 month old ds spends most time with me, and so not surprisingly, when dh comes home, ds gets very excited, and won't come near me. This afternoon we went to the zoo, and ds wouldn't sit on my knee, and even when we were walking round, and dh was holding one hand, he very firmly did not want to hold mine. So I know how you feel. Do you ever go out leaving your ds with his Dad? Whenever we do that, ds is all over me when I get back, and if he has a bump then it is me he wants. Dh doesn't get a look in then. So I think it all evens out. I think mums get a rough deal here - they are the ones at home all day, setting the rules, and then Dad comes home and it's FUNTIME!!! I hope you feel better soon - it's horrid when you feel rejected by your baby, but they love you really!

JayTree · 08/09/2002 23:20

children can be so fickle! For months my dd would refuse to go to anyone other than myself which became very frustrating for me as I felt I could never have a break other than when she was asleep. My poor dh who is such a loving and active parent became so disillusioned and felt totally helpless. It made life quite tricky for a while as he felt really embarrassed and rejected. My dh thought I should be flattered and feel pleased I could do something for her...I actually felt knackered and sorry for him!!
Now she is the ultimate little daddy?s girl, face lighting up when he comes in the room, pushes me out of the way and runs into his arms!!
Do children ever manage to hit a happy medium and treat their parents with equal affection at the same time?? I hope so!

Azzie · 09/09/2002 06:28

Genia, both my children sometimes want me and sometimes dh. Dh's scarcity value does add to his attraction sometimes (although after a long day of just me and the kids I'm quite happy for them to go eagerly off to their bath with him ). However, when the chips are down, such as when they're ill, or ds's first day at school, it's mummy they want. It's hard when they're little and you do everything for them and then they seem to want dh rather than you, but try and focus on the fact that your ds has two parents who he adores and who adore him. You're dong a good job - I think that if your ds wasn't totally secure about your affection he wouldn't go happily to anyone else.

genia · 09/09/2002 19:53

Thanks.
I'm feeling better today and a little sheepish at having reacted in the way I did (upset). I think it just took me unawares and on a day when I was a bit low anyway. I think it's true that it takes a secure baby to show affection to more than just one or two people. JayTree, I can also understand that your dh must have felt rejected in the period when he was being "ignored" - he must feel better now.
Eugeniaxx

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