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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

How do I stop breastfeeding?

16 replies

SugaryBits · 23/08/2007 12:41

DS2 is 17 months and still feeding as much as he was at 6-7 months! I decided a little while ago to stop feeding. I have been trying to cut down but just can't seem to do it! He is continually rooting, pulling my top up and down and having screaming fits if I refuse to feed him. I usually give in.

I have been trying not to feed during the night but again he becomes hysterical and will not go back to sleep. If I put him into bed with me and let him feed he will suck for hours! I know this is comfort not hunger but don't have the strength to say no!

DS1 seemed to self wean around 13-14 months so I haven't experienced this before. I love feeding him but it is becoming a bit much now, also I am going away for a girls weekend in 5 weeks!

Any advice gratefully received. TIA

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 23/08/2007 12:48

Obviously you must make your own decision, but comfort is important and not to be dismissed. Your ds is telling you how much he needs and wants the comfort and pleasure of breastfeeding, and stopping at a time when he wants to continue so much, could be very difficult for you both.

Breastfeeding a toddler can be a very positive experience, but you need rest, help around the house, and time to yourself if at all possible. Can you change other things in your life so that you feel more available to ds and less stressed by his constant demands? I honestly have been there myself and know how desperate it can feel, but continuing to feed ds until he was ready to wean is one of the best experiences as a mother, and made life so much easier in many ways (feeding calms down fractious toddlers, and mothers too)

FrannyandZooey · 23/08/2007 12:48

sorry should have said "one of MY best experiences"

I know it is not that way for everyone

numptysmummy · 23/08/2007 12:54

Sugarybits,i'm in exactly the same position as you with dd2. Dd1 and ds1 weaned themselves at about 12mths but ds2 didn't stop until i was hospitalised at 16mths. Dd2 is now 13mths and feeding as much as at 6mths and although part of me loves it i can't cope with the constant night feeding. No help to you but you're not alone! My biggest concern is that she isn't getting enough proper food (although,ironicAL3ZY she is the chubbiest of all 4 of mine!)

CantSleepWontSleep · 23/08/2007 12:55

No advice, but empathy. I had a similar thread a few weeks ago. DD is now 18 months and we're on another 'feed all day' phase (tend to coincide with teething). It's even harder to say no now that she can actually ask for it (boo-bee, boo-boo, bee-boo)!!

Thankfully she doesn't feed at night, so you definitely have my sympathies there.

I have started taking a cup up with us for bedtime feed, and letting her have a combination of that and breast - I know a few people who have managed to wean over a few weeks this way, but there's no sign of it working for us yet. Maybe you could try that?

CantSleepWontSleep · 23/08/2007 12:57

Oh, meant to add, go away as planned. dd had her first night away without me the other week (at in-laws with dh) and she was fine .

Original poster

SugaryBits · 23/08/2007 12:58

I completely agree with you Franny. I love breastfeeding and have been very lucky that I have found it easy and had no problems with either of the ds's. It's my trip away that has prompted me to think I should give up. If it wasn't for that I would continue to feed until DS was ready to stop.

I have considered just continuing then going away and hoping he would be OK without it for the weekend as I wouldn't be around so he wouldn't want it. He is fine if he is with my mum for the day but as soon as he sees me he wants a bf. I can't help thinking this would be cruel though. I would love to think he will be fine and would continue to bf when I got home but am worried this would be too distressing for him.

The trip was booked ages ago and I had assumed I would have stopped feeding by now. To be honest I wish I wasn't going and none of this would be a problem!

OP posts:

Original poster

SugaryBits · 23/08/2007 13:01

Sorry cross posted- thanks nm and csws, nice to know I am not alone! I have tried offering water at night but that makes the wails even louder!

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 23/08/2007 13:10

Well I think he will miss you, whether you are still bfing or not. I think that he may miss bf less while you're away, than he would do if you were around - and if he is used to spending time with your mum anyway he will probably have a fab time. Does she ever look after him for the evening and put him to bed and all that? Maybe do a trial run?

numptysmummy · 23/08/2007 13:11

Tbh,although i had kind of had enough with ds2,i was gutted when i got out of hospital and he hed forgotten all about boobie. I felt (and still feel) that it wasn't time to give up for either of us and it was hard for us both. Do you really want to give up? If not,do you have to go away? Once they're weaned there's no going back.

Original poster

SugaryBits · 23/08/2007 13:21

Franny, The DC will be at home with DH. Although most of the time I put him to bed with a bf, somethimes DH puts him down without a problem. I know they will have a lovely weekend with DH but am still worrying!

nm, I guess I would be quite sad to come back and find that he's not interested in bf anymore. I think I am telling myself I want to give up because of the weekend away. Yes, it is hard sometimes with the constant demands but I love it all the same! Most of my friends and family are of the "isn't it time to get that boy off your boob" brigade so I suppose I have let them talk me into feeling its time to stop.
I do have to go away, all booked and paid for and I would be letting people down if I backed out. I also feel that I deserve a little "me" time. Sorry if that sounds selfish.

I think I will continue to feed and just hope he is OK while I am away. It is only two nights and DH can usually settle him by bringing him into bed with him and giving him a cuddle when I am not there (in the event of a very rare night out!)

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 23/08/2007 18:03

Sugary it doesn't sound selfish at all! I am glad you want to go, it sounded as if you didn't want to but had to.

My bet would be that he will be mostly ok (maybe slight wobbles at usual feeding times) while you are away, and resume heartily when you return! I was the only one who could get ds to sleep until he was about 2 or 3 or something ridiculous I think, so I think it is great that your dh can do this. It all sounds as if it will work out fine, and IMO it's not worth weaning on the offchance he may be upset - he will DEFINITELY be upset if you wean him now, anyway, and you won't be able to 'make it up to him' afterwards with milk, which you will be able to do if he is upset after the weekend.

As for family's well-meaning but insidious pressure, I find this link really helpful and inspiring. I think this age is the hardest for pressure to give up - by the time they get to 2 or so, everyone has decided you are beyond help and they stop asking about it

Original poster

SugaryBits · 23/08/2007 21:47

Lol Franny, yes I think people are coming to the conclusion I am beyond help!

I had a really bad day today which culminated in me bursting into tears in the middle of a shopping centre. Very embarrassing. I felt so much better after a lovely cuddle and BF with ds.

Thanks for the support and advice!

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 24/08/2007 21:37

Oh you poor sod

what was up? Are you just generally fretting about things atm?

I think it is easy to forget how much breastfeeding does for us, and many women don't even know about the calming hormones released in their own bodies while they are feeding their children. This message that bf is a chore and a nuisance, is so strong

I was in misery once with a mouth full of painful ulcers - couldn't eat, felt like crying. The only thing that stopped the pain was to breastfeed ds - it was almost miraculous how the pain stopped altogether within a few minutes of him starting to feed.

wishingmummy · 24/08/2007 21:55

can someone else get up with your son in the night? and explain that mummy is asleep and offer a bottle of water or b/milk in a bottle- sometimes its the sucking that is pacifying, and not so much the b/milk. i didn't have a problem with giving a bottle to mine, but i know some women don't like to give a bottle to their children.

Original poster

SugaryBits · 27/08/2007 18:38

Hi, sorry been away camping for the weekend, thanks for replying! DS1, almost 4, is at a very...umm...shall we say "trying" stage. He had been pushing me all day and finally punched me in the head in the shopping centre. Hormones, tiredness and a feeling of hopelessness left me in tears. I really don't know what to do with him sometimes. Anyway a cuddle with ds2 calmed me down, I am trying to forget he will be hitting the terrible twos very soon!

Wishingmummy- I have tried giving ds a drink of water at night, from a cup, as I don't want to introduce a bottle at this late stage, he is not interested. Dh has tried to comfort him a few times but he is inconsolable until bf. Anyway thanks to Frannys encouragement I am just going to carry on for as long as he wants too!

OP posts:

bigmouthstrikesagain · 27/08/2007 18:58

I relate to your mixed feelings sugary I am still feeding my dd at 17m (her brother weaned at 22m) and she feeds about the same amount asyour ds - she has her hand down my top right now!1 so i will have to go.

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