Breastfeeding aversion can’t cope

[breastfeeding]

I’m still bf 1 year old ds
I can’t stand it anymore he wants feeding so much and he screams if he can’t fiddle with the opposite nipple but I hate it. It really hurts I try to cover it but he fights and screams to find it.

I feel agitated and I want him off me I hate it that he won’t lie still. He has a horrendous cold and wants feeding all the time or for me to hold him and I want to walk out. I absolutely hate feeding him now.
He doesn’t eat well and although he will have 1 bottle of formula a day he won’t take more and he’s really not well so I feel it would be mean of me to stop now but I’m going out of my mind
i want to be alone with nobody touching me for at least 24 hours that’s how I feel

If you don’t want to stop have you tried giving him something in his hand to fiddle with. Ds had a nuby loop thing with beads type things on it.
Offer him food before bf e.g a favourite pouch of savoury or fruit. I used to give ds a pouch of Lidl beef stew and he sucked it straight from the pouch
Offer water (or juice I did I was desperate) before bf

I’m still bf he’s two but it’s two or three times now, bed time, 4 am ish and 6am if I’m feeling kind!
I was really struggling when he was one, it’s really hard

He won’t eat much. Clamps his mouth shut screams and cries or throws all his food
I’m just exhausted by it and I think if he didn’t keep catching things and being unwell I’d just stop he feeds like a newborn and is so fidgety and wriggly and pinched I tried a necklace that was meant to help but he didn’t like it. I hate feeling like this but I feel like there’s constantly someone in me and pulling at me and I wmat to be on my own and not touched

Bless you. He's a year old, give him some food and milk, reduce the breast feeding and tail it off. You don't have to bf forever and you've done well. The cold will pass but they are horrible while they last.

It’s just the guilt on top. I feel like I’m just counting the minutes down till dh is back from work to hand him over and run upstairs to do nothing except sit there and not be pulled around and drained physically and mentally. Ds is lovely but I feel so so exhausted

It is totally exhausting. Is your mum or mil nearby and could they feed him. DS took food much more easily from my mum as he couldn’t smell milk on her.
Don’t worry about feeding food that would normally be considered unhealthy just feed him what he’ll eat. Baby crisps or skips, homemade ginger bread men (most recipes can be frozen) other homemade biscuits, custard are all things I feed probably too often but it got him of bf in day

Nobody except dh but he’s just got home and has given him a bottle wrapped him up and taken him for a walk and told me to rest as I’m just totally overwhelmed by 24/7 feeding and it really has been due to ds being unwell. I think it’s just got really intense I’m going to try to stop once he’s better it’s too much for me now

Op you have done amazing to feed him for this long. If you want to stop, stop. DS will not remember and it won't hurt him for you to stop now.

You sound done in and this is clearly getting to you. Could DH do all parenting for the rest of the weekend including night feeds? My youngest was like your DS and it got to the point where I couldn't be touched anymore. DH took over for a couple of days other than a bed time feed and in that time my youngest stopped waking for night feeds and started eating better and I felt human again.

You’ve done so well, and if you’re ready to stop then it’s time to stop. I will share with you the words of my health visitor, who breastfed 4 kids: “I knew it was time to stop when I felt like they were actually sucking out my soul”

Nighttime’s I think he will want me as not well But he fiddles a bit less then and that’s easier but daytimes I’m just so done with it all now I’m exhausted.
Dh isn’t working tomorrow so said he can look after him etc just to try and break the cycle as much as possible.

Yes that is exactly how I feel, like my soul is being sucked out thats so accurate

Mine are young teenagers now but wanted to comment as I really feel for you. Do not feel guilty for stopping, you have done brilliantly to breast feed for this long. You sound completely exhausted, I only breast fed for 3 months, found it extremely difficult and much much harder than giving birth!

I hope some younger mums can give you practical tips. Some one suggested something to put in his hands to squeeze might help.

I think you should just express or stop. When you are less tired the baby may pick up on this and relax a bit too. Good luck.

It’s a shame you’ve no one to do daytime feeds. It took me a week to daytime wean ds
The aim is to get plenty of calorie dense food in ( advice from dietitian as my ds has allergies) and to offer food before they are hungry as I said before just give him whatever he’ll eat even if it’s 3 coconut chocolate pots in one day which mine has had on a particularly bad day
Could dh take a few days off or can you change your routine so you’re somewhere different and he’s distracted. eg lunch with another mum and toddler, lunch in a cafe
Another useful distraction is to stick an iPad in front of him when you’re spooning the food in. It seems like a bad idea but it’s easy to get them on proper food and remove the iPad later.

@breastfeeding you have my sympathies. It is so hard. You have done so well. Be proud. Do what you need to do to look after yourself. Is he going to nursery? Being away from me for some days a week really helped mine reduce feeds. There is no easy answer but 1 is a hard age. Weaning might not be as bad as you think. But agree wait until he is better to try. Daddy will need to take over as much as possible until it's down to a manageable level or stopped. Good luck xx

I hear you OP- I've got a one year old and am currently expecting again. My one year old won't go to sleep without nursing and I'm beside myself with the whole BF aversion thing- I sometimes dig my nails into my thighs to cope with the disgust (?!) and discomfort I feel or curl my toes so much, they hurt- just so I can focus on something else. I can't advise anything other than- it does get better? At least the baby is getting some comfort from you? I dunno. I'm pretty sure my milk has dried up and mine is just sucking for comfort- which makes me angry- but I'd rather suffer in this way than him screaming the place down and me being stressed with that. I would've loved a break from BF before the new baby arrived but doesn't look like that's happening :/

Don't worry about quitting while he has a cold - there is always something like a cold, teething or not sleeping well to postpone weaning but remember he will still get comfort from you from being there and giving him cuddles and attention. It's great to get to a year of breastfeeding! I don't think you should have any qualms about quitting at all.
I quit at a year and thought I'd done really well! I went back to work a couple of days a week and weaned off feeds over a couple of months until it was just the bedtime one then my boyfriend took over that one until she was used to having a cup of milk. Good luck, it will be hard for a few days but worth it.

Magnesium oil!

Magnesium deficiency can make aversion worse. I had it horribly and this definitely made a difference. Just rub it into your skin every day (oil is much more effective than a tablet).

I feel for you, it's so horrible.

I’ll try the magnesium thanks x