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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding mum says I'm disgusting.......

25 replies

Kimi82 · 18/11/2019 04:14

Hello,
So a comment that a friend of mine made recently during a lunch date has got me thinking.

I'm a mum of two boys, 2 year old & a 4 months old. Both were breastfeed for a short time as newborn babies but for my own reasons I decided to go on to bottle feeding them both.

I have been finding it tough with both boys as the 2 year old is finding it difficult to adjust to being a big brother and therefore I'm choked with anxiety about going out and about with them both. So one morning last week I found myself with a babysitter for my eldest so decided to brave it and take a few friends of mine up for an offer of lunch. Just me & my 4 month old.

We went to a local tea room which is always really busy and proceeded to order lunch. One of my friends there is a big big advocate for breastfeeding and is very involved in the local breastfeeding support scene for which I'm very proud of her for.

As lunch was about to be served my son started to get very grizzly and fidgety so I made him up a bottle and quickly began to feed him. The anxiety getting stronger at every second as he chugged and chugged but continued to get give off and wail at the top of his lungs. Feeling that everyone was watching me and willing him to stop crying, I quickly realised what was wrong. The teat of the bottle was blocked and no milk was getting out. So I instinctively put the teat in my mouth and sucked the blockage away and quickly gave the bottle back to a very hungry boy who happily chowed down.

However my solution was met with horror from my friend who proceeded to tell me that what I had done was "disgusting" and she wanted to "boke".

Asking her what her disgust was she answered that formula milk tasted disgusting and she didn't know how I did that. But what was I supposed to do. I had a crying baby needing feed.

So I just want to put this out that all ridicule is not aimed at breastfeeding mummies while feeding their child in public. Us formula mummies are getting it too and from the most surprising of people.

I know they say that breast is best and great for those mummies that do it but feeding is essential and that's what I was trying to do.

I personally am not offended by what my friend said, but it did get me thinking and I feel it's an interesting side to the feeding in public experiences that many mums breastfeeding or not have to deal with every day.

So what do you think, was what I did disgusting?

OP posts:

UhareFouxisci · 18/11/2019 04:17

of course not. you did what you had to do to feed your hungry baby. you did nothing wrong.

NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 04:18

My husband has done the same as you

I don’t see it as disgusting.

Just problem solving

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 18/11/2019 04:21

That's not disgusting, I've been known to do that with both formula and breast milk (I express and mix feed)
You did what you needed to do, baby was fed, no harm no foul.

blackcat86 · 18/11/2019 04:22

I think you're friend is pathetic and immature. I cant say I'd want to be spending time with them again if they criticised me for feeding for my child. Formula does stink (my baby was FF due to be to poorly to latch) but I also know that overwhelming need to help your baby when they're crying and I have done the same thing. Your friend wasnt exactly being supportive of you.

ObtuseTriangle · 18/11/2019 04:28

In your position I would probably have done the same, you were just trying to feed your hungry baby! If I was in my own kitchen I would have washed it as an adults mouth does contain a lot of bacteria. However your riend mentioned the taste which indicates she is judging you with the formula more than anything else. It certainly wasn't discussing what you did but her attitude is.

Limpshade · 18/11/2019 04:40

I'm not sure what this has to do with breastfeeding though? Weren't they just a bit "ew" at you drinking formula (which is ridiculous of them) rather than judgmental of you using formula?

I've breastfed and formula fed in public and never encountered any negativity either way. I'm sure it does happen but are you sure you're not looking for criticism where there is none?

WhatTiggersDoBest · 18/11/2019 04:47

Formula does taste disgusting, I had to taste some earlier this week while giving my baby a bottle. But even with a milk protein intolerance it didn't make me want to boak lol. But your friend needs to separate out the fact that formula tastes bad to adults (I guess it must taste good to babies) and her own obvious prejudice. She shouldn't have attached a value judgement to that.
I'm combi-feeding now due to reflux after 11 weeks of EBF so I can't win either way, lol. We're mothers so we're always "doing it wrong" to someone. My MIL had a go at me when baby was 8 weeks because I was feeding on demand and she was insistent that I ought to have a feeding schedule (I still don't, and the baby's head hasn't fallen off yet).
Next time, ask her what makes her think the bottle has formula in it. I often bottle feed expressed breastmilk to my baby because he has to have medicine in it which means I can't put him on the breast at every feed and people often assume there's formula in the bottle but they're only right 20% of the time.

Original poster

Kimi82 · 18/11/2019 04:56

Thanks lampshade for your comment and yes you have a point that it may not be regarding breastfeeding. Perhaps the title could have been worked on. I just thought it interesting that bottle feeding mums have experienced comments that may make it uncomfortable or dent their confidence in feeding in public. Like I say I personally wasn't offended but just felt there was an irony there as she was a breastfeeding mum, who supports people feeding in public.

OP posts:

IWantADifferentName · 18/11/2019 05:00

You need to rethink your friends. She sounds like a judgemental cow. Would she rather your child starved?

Nillynally · 18/11/2019 05:01

Watched a friend struggle for 20 minutes minutes trying to unclog a teat with a screaming baby in a restaurant. She would not suck it herself in case it was the wrong thing to do. Your friend sounds like she has a weak stomach but I wouldn't say she's bottle shaming you..

Soon2BeMumof3 · 18/11/2019 05:03

You post has nothing to do with breastfeeding? I'm not sure why you're jumping on that.

Your friend's statement was a bit weird but I don't think it's judgemental about your feeding choice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/11/2019 05:19

Out of curiosity I tried my breast milk. Now that tasted disgusting. Like mouldy blue cheese in liquid form. Never tried formula as an adult as I expressed.

Your friend is plain weird and needed to keep her mouth shut. I’m struggling to see the correlation between bottle and breast feeding though. And no, I don’t think that is the same as being shamed in public for getting your tits out to nourish your baby. This was your friend being a prat, not some stranger, who thinks they have the right to say what women - ie second class citizens - do.

HUZZAH212 · 18/11/2019 05:23

If your friend was ff vs breastfeeding would you have felt the same about the comment? It was tactless of her, but I don't read it as any judgement being made on you not breastfeeding.

nachthexe · 18/11/2019 05:30

she was commenting that formula tastes gak. It does. she would probably have said the same thing if you had ordered an adult foodstuff she also finds gross. If she had looked at your hummus sandwich and said how can you eat that, it’s disgusting, would you be accusing her of vegan shaming?

Notabadger · 18/11/2019 05:34

I think it tastes a bit like vanilla ice cream

bellinisurge · 18/11/2019 06:09

She should be your best x-friend.

Foldinglaundryisnotforme · 18/11/2019 06:14

I think perhaps the reason it was "disgusting" is because you were sucking away clumped up powder rather than total liquid hence the blockage? Just the same as when we get blocked milk ducts you get a lovely thick milk worm come out not envy!

Sibello · 18/11/2019 06:18

The comment was stupid, nothing to do with breastfeeding.

Waiting1987 · 18/11/2019 06:18

For some reason the smell of formula used to make me boak, so I can see where she is coming from. I have nothing against formula but making it up the smell was horrible.

custardbear · 18/11/2019 06:24

I'd wonder what else she expected you to do under the circumstances to be honest, it's not like you could do much with a crying child and blocked bottle - ignore her She's being stupid

MumofTinies · 18/11/2019 06:33

I FF DS1 and BF DS2. Formula does taste a bit grim, especially SMA. I also tried my breastmilk once out of curiosity and it wasn't the best drink I've ever had either.

bellinisurge · 18/11/2019 06:39

Make sure this person is on your list of people you don't need to be around much or, if you do, because she shares a friendship circle with you, you don't need to interact much with her. Being a parent is hard enough with that kind of unhelpfulness. In my head, that post has a lot more swearing in it.

Autumntoowet · 18/11/2019 06:43

This has nothing to do with breast or bottle though OP does it?
Your friend is an idiot.
End of issue.

SnuggyBuggy · 18/11/2019 06:45

She doesn't sound like a nice person

Howtosupportmyfriend · 18/11/2019 06:47

I don’t see what the other mum breastfeeding hs to do with it?

Formula does taste awful; I’ve tasted it myself when feeding my children. The temperature and the taste actually did make me heave. I possibly would have said the same as your friend - not because bottle feeding is disgusting but because the milk actually does taste horrible.

I don’t see any bottle shaming in your friends comment. I do think perhaps your post is goady. You could have put across your point without mentioning the other Mim was heavily involved with advocating bf.

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