Bottle refusing

[Hangingofftheboob]

I have a 9 week old DD who is currently EBF. I am a FTM.

When she was born she struggled to latch so most of her feeds were EBM from a bottle.

I wanted to mostly BF but I didn’t have my heart set on it. However, we got a lot of excellent support from both the hospital and community midwives to establish BF. By about 10 days old we had stopped using bottles.

I enjoy BF my daughter. It’s easy, free and we have a lovely bond. However, we decided to try and reintroduce a bottle at around 5 weeks to make sure we had that option. I wanted to be able to mix feed.

Well she’s never taken a bottle since has she. We have tried all sorts and she is simply not interested.

If you have any suggestions I will gladly but to be honest the point of this post is to moan.

No one warned me this could happen - midwives and HV would bang on about nipple confusion if teats/dummies/shields were introduced before 6 weeks. They kept encouraging me to establish BF and as a FTM I wanted to do things the “right” way and wait 6 weeks.

None of my friends who mix fed from birth have had an issue. Their babies will happily switch between the two. I am the one left with a baby hanging off my boob.

The longest I have spent away from my daughter is 15 mins. I just want the option of going out for a run or popping out for dinner with a friend. Or letting my husband do a feed when I’m not feeling 100% (like the last 10 days where I’ve had a terrible cold).

Not to mention she’s been diagnosed with milk intolerance so I now have to have a dairy free diet which will be especially crap at Christmas. If she would take a bottle I think we would probably finish our BF journey early.

I feel so trapped.

Have you tried making sure the milk is quite warm. My wee guy won't have it at all if it's not warm enough hes only 3 weeks old. We are having to do top up feeds.

Thanks @NotSoThinLizzy we have tried warmer, cooler.

Me feeding her. My husband feeding her. Me being in the room. Me not being in the room. Feeding her upright. Feeding her more lying down. Feeding her whilst she faces outward. EBM. Formula. Slow teats. Fast teats. Paced teats. MAM. NUK. Minbie. Tommee Tippee. When she’s ravenous. When she’s not. Morning. Evening.

I am not feeling very hopeful at this point. She won’t take a dummy either.

My DD was like this. She is now 3 and never took a bottle or a dummy.
I'm sorry.

We spent over £100 on different brands and teats.

Thanks @Contraceptionismyfriend

I’m starting to accept it. But I’m bloody pissed off about it. Just need to moan.

Which formula are you using? Some of the dairy free ones are vile.

I also have a bottle refusing baby with CMPA and soya allergy.

Aptamil Pepti. But she won’t take freshly expressed milk either!!

How long did you try with the same kind of bottle before changing? My 2nd was a complete bottle refuser like you I waited the whole 6 weeks "myth". I had to wait untill 5 months to use a cup

I think that’s what I’m going to have to do @NotSoThinLizzy

We’ve persevered with MAM most because we spent a small fortune on them when she would only take a bottle and not breast. She just doesn’t seem to like anything in her mouth at all. She gags and chokes if we try a dummy!

Have you tried medula calma baby bottle?

@Hangingofftheboob you could be describing my DD.
I now have DD2 who is 4 months. And it looks like she's the same.

DS took to a bottle at 6 weeks with zero problems. He would feed from anyone and I never had a problem going from breast to bottle. He would take the Bm at any temperature as well.

Not going to lie this Bs pisses me off 😭

Honestly I resorted to if I know DS has had a decent feed then I'd leave him with other half for 15 mins to shower or whatever otherwise I would never have been detached. Hes still feeding now at 2 as hes just not ready to give up but now only feed 2/3 times a day.

@MsChatterbox not one I’ve tried, no, but I don’t want to keep spending money on countless bottles and teats. It’s just money down the drain.

I am so angry and fed up. I feel awful for feeling like this but I can’t help it.

What if she needed formula top ups? What if I became seriously ill or hospitalised? What then? What do people ACTUALLY do?

Last week I was at a 1:1 counselling session as I have mild PND and obviously I had to take the baby. She fussed through most of it, did a huge poo and I spent the rest of the session changing her on the floor of the room (including a full outfit change). It was so stressful and the last thing I needed when I was trying to get some much needed help.

Is there anything I can do? Will the HV care? Will the BF helplines care? Why did the midwives not warn me? Was I just a statistic to them? Another mother who they supported to EBF?

I love my baby more than anything but this is really testing me and I am worried about my mental health.

I can tell you're so exhausted it with it. Why not buy just one of those bottles and give it a go? It's worth a shot.

www.actionforchildren.org.uk/in-your-area/services/online-parenting-support-for-0-5-year-olds/

Give them a message. If they cannot support you they will point you in the right direction. They have been great with me.

www.actionforchildren.org.uk/in-your-area/services/online-parenting-support-for-0-5-year-olds/

Link not working. Search "action for children online chat"

Thank you @MsChatterbox I really appreciate it. I’ll certainly get in touch with them and see how they can help.

I'm more than certain they will be a great help to you. You may not get a reply straight away, but they will send you an email with a link to the chat when there is someone available.

I know it's easy for me to say as I'm not in it right now.. But I had so many issues like this that seemed ginormous at the time. Now that I have a toddler I do not even think about it. One day you will have a 2 year old and this problem will not matter. Focus on that!

You’re right @MsChatterbox

I know this won’t last forever. I know I have to accept it. It’s just so hard. Thank you for your support.

Just wanted to add some words of support, Hangingofftheboob, as I was in your position, and it did work out in the end. Like you, we had originally used MAM bottles and then when DD started bottle refusing, we tried lots of other types. None made any difference. I tried formula, she wouldn't have that, nor would she have EBM.

The things I think helped her to get used to a bottle again in the end were:

1. Warming the teat as well as the milk. I used to put the teat in a bowl of hot water for about 30 seconds immediately before offering the bottle. Obviously check the temperature of the teat before you offer it, but silicone is not a very good holder of heat, so as soon as it's out of the water, it cools quite quickly. It should still be quite warm (blood temp) when you offer it though. I think this makes the teat more pliable and also makes it feel less "foreign" to the baby's mouth.

1. Having DD in quite an upright sitting position on my lap, facing away from me. This was quite different to the BF position and I found she was more likely to accept the teat into her mouth when she couldn't make eye contact with me.

1. Have the milk really quite warm, but not hot (obviously).

I had to persevere with this for weeks, and once she did start taking a bottle, for a while she would then only take it from me, which sort of defeated the purpose, but I kept doing it at least once a day and eventually she would take it from other people too.

If you weren't there, she'd be upset and refuse the bottle at first. But some time in the first 12 hours she would become so hungry that she'd accept the bottle.
You are her life support, but if something got in the way of that, her instinct for survival would kick in.

Thank you @1Wanda1 we will give those tricks a go. We have tried the outward position and she didn’t scream or push the teat out like she usually does - just played with the teat with her mouth but we saw that as a good sign.

@Footle I haven’t dared let it get to the point where she’s desperate as she’s still so young. It does, however, put my mind at rest that if anything were to happen to me she would be okay.

We were in this position too. At 5 months I bought a Minbie and she finally tolerated it a bit in her mouth. But I had to refuse the breast entirely to get her to start drinking from it. Within 24 hours she was 100% bottle fed and we could move her on to the mam bottles. I would say keep persisting and try to resist offering the breast for as long as possible without her getting overly distressed. If she is hungry she should get the hang of the bottle.

Don't bet on her getting so hungry tho

Sorry baby kicked the screen!

Don't bet on her getting so hungry that she will eat.

I did that. I went to a friends birthday sleep over. Husband had DD.
She never took a bottle in the 15 hours I was gone. He managed to get a cup and get a bit into her. But at no point. Even when she must've been extremely hungry did she willingly eat.

There's a very short window to introduce a bottle, and it may cause confusion so that breast is rejected. Bottle feeding is much easier for a baby work wise. Short of starving the baby there's very little you can do.