16mo won’t let me stop breastfeeding!

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

My daughter is 16 months old and still breastfeeds twice a day. Generally, she has a cup of milk when she wakes properly for the day at about 6.30-7ish, cup of milk mid-afternoon at about 3ish, I breastfeed her at bedtime and then if she wakes in the night I breastfeed her. I am now at the point where I really want to stop. I only feed on one side and although she never bites me, it is quite toothy now and I keep getting a split nipple which is agony when feeding and takes quite some time to heal fully.

My problem is that she won’t let me stop. She loves breastfeeding and sometimes she will not accept anything other than breast and if I refuse she just screams and screams and screams, she pulls at my top, my bra, lifts up my top, if I offer her her cup of oat milk she swipes it out of my hand...it’s awful, especially if we are out. It’s not that she doesn’t like her other milk, there are just times when she wants the comfort of the breast, but even if I’m cuddling her while giving her the cup it’s just not good enough. She doesn’t have a dummy but she does suck her thumb.

For the past couple of nights I’ve been giving her a cup of milk at bedtime instead of a breastfeed and she’s gone down fine but during the night she won’t take water or milk from the cup and she gets really upset if I offer it. Increasingly she want to breastfeed in the morning rather than take her cup and screams and persistently pulls at my top if I don’t. She also gets a bit anxious if I take her to a playgroup or somewhere new and she’ll want to breastfeed for comfort and again will get really upset if I don’t.

Right now I have my fourth split nipple in about 3 months and it is so sore. I just want to stop for good now but I feel like she senses it and is just all over me more than ever.

I really need some help! How do I wean her off without the major upset and hissy fits?

Just keep saying no and make your breasts unavailable. May also help if your DP did the bedtime routine for a while.

Sarah Ockwell Smith has some helpful weaning advice.

Ultimately it's about her comfort and there is likely to be upset unfortunately unless you do it veeeeery gradually.

Is it just the spilt nipple that's making you want to stop? If so it's worth finding out what's causing this. Is she actively biting you or has her latch changed?

Look at Dr. Jay Gordon gentle night weaning method

@Teddybear45, I’ve tried, honestly I have, but it’s not as easy as it sounds when she is screaming at me, clawing at me, pulling at my top and bra, lifting up my top, climbing all over me, won’t leave me alone, screaming some more...she just won’t give up! Distraction doesn’t work either. My husband often isn’t home by her bedtime so that’s not really an option but as I said, she will take the cup at bedtime and go down fine, it’s the night waking and increasingly the morning feed. And sometimes if she’s particularly tired she’ll want to feed in the afternoon but I can usually avoid that one and she’ll take the cup.

@TapDanceJazzHands, the split nipple is a huge factor now as it keeps happening and always in the same place and it is so painful and seems to get worse each time. She doesn’t bite but she has a lot of teeth and they constantly graze when feeding. But it’s not the only reason...I just feel like it’s time. She also has CMPA so I’ve cut dairy out of my diet for over a year and for possibly selfish reasons I want my normal diet back. I miss it. I will look up Sarah Ockwell Smith. I’m not sure how to do it any more gradually as I’ve been doing one feed at a time but I just can’t seems to stop completely!

Thanks you @moreismore, I will look it up.

@CoffeeChocolateWine you're allowed to stop for whatever reason you decide don't worry about selfishness. 16 months is a great sacrifice for your child.

And yes to @moreismore suggestion the Jay Gordon method is great. I'd forgotten about that one!

I rushed my last post so I'll add.. With my DS I did try Jay Gordon & Sarah Ockwell Smith but it was almost too gradual. Instead I cuddled a lot and empathised a lot whilst reiterating that I loved him and he was safe. After about 2 nights it got easier. But it was hard going.
Don't be tempted to get your partner to swap as your child wants you more than the milk and the whole process is about reassuring them that you're there and you love them still.

Can you stay with your parents/a friend for 3 nights? Get dh to take a day off work and come back Monday evening after she is in bed..

I completely sympathise and empathise. I was/am in the same situation with my almost 18-month old. Feeding a couple of times overnight, and numerous times during the day, whenever she was upset or bored. No amount of cajoling, distracting, playing, or talking it through did anything.

My health visitor (this week) suggested giving DD the choice between a cuddle and sitting on the floor by herself (which she doesn't like) every time she asked for milk. The first few times she went absolutely berserk but I kept offering the two options. It wasn't very nice to see, but actually after a day she has now learnt tantrums get her nowhere. She still asks - a few days later - but doesn't tantrum anymore and just accepts a cuddle. Worth giving it a go??

Thanks for the advice @AriadneO, I will try this.

Almost a week later and I'm pleased to report DD has almost stopped breastfeeding entirely. No more tantrums. Still tentative requests during the day, but completely accepts it when I gently say no.

We still feed twice a day, when she wakes up and before bed, but that's a choice for us.

We do keep her tommy tippee cup topped up with cow's milk and offer that regularly. Which she guzzles with relish.

All the best with your little one!

Well done! That’s great that it’s worked well. It gives me hope!

My little one refuses all forms of milk bar breast and I want to wean soon which I'm dreading.
So looking for. Tips too!
If it helps I have to re latch ds a lot now as he's got teeth and his latch cnaged. Would that help?