FTM feeling lost about how to feed

[gingersnaps14]

FTM here - my DD was born last Tuesday so is 8 days old today. The short story is I have no idea what I'm doing with feeding - due to struggles with breastfeeding and total lack of support with position and attachment, DD lost over 10% so we've been on and off 2 different feeding plans. On the second one, from 5 days old, we were told to use bottles for topping up feeds which has affected her taking milk from my breasts. I'm trying to combat this using nipple shields but every feed is still a huge battle and I never know if she's managed to get what she needs, so offer her some expressed breast milk which she always takes.

She's gained weight and is off feeding plans which is great, but I now feel utterly lost with how to proceed - do I continue to struggle with getting her to breastfeed even if it means she gets too tired to finish from the breast and needs the bottle anyway?

I've been up all night with her tonight (I guess last night now its 6am!) as she just wouldn't settle and seemed hungry no matter what I do!

I can't help feeling like switching to formula would give us more of a routine and help both DD and myself feel more settled when it comes to filling her up?

Anyone have any advice or can point me in the direction of information on combining breastfeeding with either expressed bottle feeding or formula?

Ultimately you do what feels right to you, it's a shame if you feel your choice is sort of forced through lack of support though. I assume you were at a bf clinic if you had a plan, did they not suggest what you should do next? Give them a call, or I'm pretty sure the la leche league has a phone advice line. I was advised to do the top ups of ebm with one dc, he wasn't really strong enough to get enough bfing at that point, and then he did become so and I could stop the top ups. I'm sure they said top ups could be ebm or formula, I didn't use formula but if the situation had continued I might well have done. 8 days is really so tiny, bfing isn't really established at this point and I think looking for a routine with a one week old baby is like looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow! You've done really well and those nights are a killer, I think you should get more advice specific to your situation from someone in real life - or hopefully one or the more knowledgeable people on here will be along soon.

It’s such early days, what would say is that topping up will have slightly reduced your supply for now, and I would expect a baby to feed a lot for a few days coming off a feeding plan. That combined with the 10 day growth spurt where again they feed a lot to bring in enough milk.

Whatever you do is up to you, but if bf is important to you, there are some days/nights as you describe in the early days where the baby gets in their ‘order’ with your body. So if you add in a FF (which is fine I’m not saying you shouldn’t), you need to know that your body won’t ever make enough because it doesn’t think you need it.

Why not see how it goes today? Babies sometimes settle down a bit after a mammoth session. And keep experimenting with dropping the shields - I know they can be a godsend (I used for a few weeks) but they can impact your supply too.

Good luck congratulations! 💐

Congratulations!

Find a good lactation consultant.

Alternatively, look at stuff by dr Jack Newham, lots on YouTube.

Power pumping can increase supply.

There's a type of supplementary system which is a very thin tube you attach to your nipple that the baby takes with your nipple; you can give formula top ups this way. Ultimately what ever formula baby takes reduces your supply but as a stop gap or even longer term that can help.

Look at breast sleeping. Find out from YouTube how to do biological nursing or laid back breastfeeding. They like to have their feet on something to push against like your leg or a pillow. Get really comfy with a good box set and loads of flasks of tea and oat biscuits nearby and just let baby spend as long as they need. It might be a hour or more; my second would cluster feed for 4 hours in the evenings at around 4 weeks!

This will both increase supply and help baby to link to you more. The 'fluttering' of their tongue is designed to stimulate supply; they don't seem to get much more but they're putting the next order in!

Congratulations!

Oh breast-feeding can be so hard!
My DD would always fall asleep on my boob after a few sucks and it was impossible to keep her awake to feed - she just liked the comfort so much and nodded off!
I was EBF for about a week then combi-fed with expressed milk untill 2 weeks then it all got too much and i was worrying so i switched to formula.
You really need to do what works for you both and please dont have mum guilt if you stop BF because i did for a little while but DD is now 4 months and absolute fine!

I'm a formula fan. You know what they are having and can establish a better routine for baby. I personally hated breast feeding. I fed dd15 for a while. She was never content. You have to do what's best for you and baby. Dont feel pressured into breastfeeding it's not the be all and end all.

Thanks so much for your advice everyone, you've given me such good information that I found the confidence to solider through another day. Offered the breast at every feed, but DD still struggling so followed each with a EBM bottle.

@girlmummy25 that literally sounds like my DD, she also falls asleep after just a few sucks - it makes feeding such a battle doesn't it. Did stopping BFing bring you some relief and reassurance that DD was definitely getting what she needed from FF? Are you glad you stopped when you did?

@Mumshappy thank you for your reassurance, it's nice to know I'm not the only mum hating breastfeeding!

I’m with @mumshappy.

If it’s really important to you to keep going and you want to do that, great, get in touch with a breast feeding expert (google local one) or usually your local children’s Center has one.

I much preferred formula, she settled more easy and I absolutely refuse to feel guilty over it. Worked for me, worked for her. Perfectly healthy child now.

You do what works for you and what you want to do and, it ultimately gets easier whichever one you do!

Breastfeeding was a struggle at the start and like you I was on lots of different feeding plans . It took me a long time to build my confidence with latching etc . For a while I was expressing only . My other half hired me a hospital grade pump to help with this . I also had to hire a lactation consultant to help me .

This week I achieved 6 months . I haven't always loved every minute of it but I really believe in the benefits of breast feeding . I've had lots of chats with other mums and health professionals about my experiences and I really think there needs to be better support for mothers at the beginning . My advice would be get as much rest as you can when the baby is asleep . Also if you have difficulties the breastfeeding network were amazing .

Congratulations on your new arrival .

My DS1 was sleepy - I used to switch sides every time he drifted off, it was a bit of an annoyance but they soon wake up enough to stay awake, it’s a short phase.

Op, you’re doing a great job, seek support and do what feels right each day.

Breastfeeding does get easier. Much much easier.

But, as others have said, don’t feel pressured into it. Your mental health is also very important.

Have you considered pumping so that you can bottle feed breastmilk? It’s worth it even if it’s just for a few more weeks and then you could gradually switch to formula.

Either way, you need to speak to a qualified lactation consultant.

Has she been checked for a tongue tie?

Doing breast compressions will keep the milk flowing and keep her from falling asleep

Just to add breastfeeding g can be really hard in the beginning. It took a few weeks to get going with both of mine. Do you have a breastfeeding group near you? I

@gingersnaps14 yeah im glad i stopped when i did. I was just so worried about it all and it was right when I had baby blues so was adding to my feelings.
Even the midwives said I had a lazy baby - you just could not wake her up for love nor money!

www.laleche.org.uk/get-support/

www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

Both these services are amazing and available on tbe phone. I wept and wept down the phone at one of these lovely women when dc1 was 5 days old and feeding was an horrific nightmare!

Hello @gingersnaps14 congratulations on your baby daughter.
I have DS2 and DD 12 weeks. With DS our routine sounded similar to yours, he was just so sleepy all the time, he didn't have the energy to latch and we were doing top ups. I was expressing, and we were adding a bit of formula too. It was very hard going because I was feeding him three ways, I felt so drained, body and mind. I remember pumping milk on holiday when he was about 11 weeks, and thinking 'why am I doing this?' It was like feeding two babies. Plus as had all the stuff that comes with formula feeding. So all the washing up, sterilising etc. I decided to stop breast feeding him and felt so much better. He was fine, and continued to gain weight and stay on the same centile.

With DD, she was born at a bigger weight and fed from day 1. It's as if she came out knowing what to do. I'm breast feeding her but not exclusively, she has one bottle of formula a day.

I think you've got to do what is best for you and baby. People will say 'it's worth it' about breast feeding and it definitely is, but it's not worth risking your health. Don't allow others to make you feel weak for not continuing. If you continue, my main advice is to get a breast feeding cushion, keep putting her back on if you don't think her mouth is open enough, use lots of nipple cream and drink a ton of water, drink a big glass as you feed her.

Enjoy her.

We had this and I struggled for about a month but persevered with a lot of support from a trained BF councillor and then turned a huge corner and it was a doddle after that. I'm so glad I kept going.

Things I wish someone had told me:

• babies feed a lot!!!! Especially newborns. It doesn't mean they're not getting enough.
• cluster feeding is a thing. Yes he's only just had a feed 20 mins ago but yes he can be hungry again so just feed him instead of spending a horrid hour shushing and rocking thinking it must be something else

Things that helped with my sleepy baby:

• take off a layer before a feed so they aren't all warm and cosy
• nappy change just before or half way through if no time before
• breast compressions
• tickling his feet
• swap sides frequently

Definitely push for more help - phone La Leche League and see if they can send someone out to you.

Google 'breastfeeding 'town' or search on Facebook to see if there are local groups you can join / approach. We have a charity specific to our area that are hugely active and give loads of virtual and practical advice. There may be similar in your area.

8 days is still so very very early so it's very very normal to find it tough!!!!

Generally, if you keep topping up, it decreases your supply which makes all of the feeding issues worse and is more likely to result in a move to formula feeding sooner rather than later.

Which is fine!!! If you don't mind or are really really struggling then formula and tip ups are a great way to make sure baby is getting what they need and takes away the battle for you. It means you can focus on the million and 1 other things that having a newborn means and takes the pressure off food. So each option has its merits.