Breastfeeding Nightmare

[NeatFreakMama]

I am 33 + 3 with my second son at the moment and I am terrified of trying breastfeeding again.

My first son went into NICU a couple of days after he was born because his glucose levels dropped because I wasn't feeding him properly. I had the sheet at the hospital and I would feed him every 2-3 hours (or so I thought) and for 45 minutes a time. I had no idea he wasn't getting anything!

Fast forward to when we got home I had a really aggressive health visitor who would insist on shoving my boob in by son's face while he was screaming and honestly it was such a terrible experience for us both I just don't think we ever settled into it. I only ever produced around 2oz at an absolute push (I expressed). I had to stop at 6 weeks because he just wasn't getting enough.

So I was reading threads on here and I desperately want to breastfeed but I'm so scared I'll end up sending another baby to NICU.

Plus i've seen on here people think having a low supply is not possible, so what was I doing wrong? I tried every 2-3 hours. Also what does 'feed until he's finished on one boob' actually mean? How do you know he's finished?

Any help so massively appreciated, I'm so scared to fail again x

I have no advice on breastfeeding because I also failed with DS1 and I know you are desperate to do it this time, but I think you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure and getting upset before anything has even happened.

People will be along soon with lots of breastfeeding advice, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel and as such I decided to formula feed my second child. I just couldn't go through it all again. Formula isn't poison, it exists for a reason and is an option for you. You might feel better just to consider that it's on the table as an option (even if you never use it) and your baby won't starve as a result.

I wish you every success with breastfeeding this time, but there are choices if it doesn't work out and that does not mean you have failed.

Get face to face advice and support now- see if there is a local breastfeeding cafe which had volunteer trained specialists to help advise you and reassure you and perhaps even help you figure out what might have gone wrong before. Research the art of breastfeeding as it’s not just a natural and easy thing for many women (partly as we don’t see our aunts, mums, sisters etc all breastfeeding like we would have generations ago) and partly because after you’ve had a baby it’s bloody hard work to breastfeed and not be able to hand over the baby... so forearmed is forewarned.

If you want to breastfeed, there's lots you can do. Identify face-to-face support before baby arrives for starters - peer supports and breastfeeding specialists are going to be better than a HV.

Don't wait 2-3 hours between feeds - in those early days baby brings your milk in by being on the breast. The more frequently he feeds the better for yourmilk. Feed every time he shows hunger cues.

In terms of emptying the breast, I always think that's crap wording. I let my babies feed until they doze off, then if necessary strip them off a bit and offer the other side. Again let baby unlatch.

And wait and see, you don't know if there will be a problem till baby gets here. With DS1 I had an emergency c section and it took 8 days for my milk to come in. With DS2 it was there on day 3.

Oh and I can't work out if you wanted to express and bottle feed or if you were pumping to top up, but either way it's no indicator of supply at all. That said, if you get a hakaa pump (they had an Aldi version in the baby event the other week) you can feed and sort of express at the same time.

Firstly, don't assume this one will go the same way. It may be completely different! Please relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Secondly, look at your dc1 and realise hes survived being fed formula and that's the worst that can happen. And that really would be ok! Thirdly, I've been where you were with the failed breastfeeding and it's so hard, and it wasn't your fault. Be kind to yourself, give it your best shot, but please don't blame yourself if it doesn't work out. I have 3 dc the first breastfed wonderfully and the second and third ( twins) didn't, it was horrific, and they were formula fed. I feel no guilt and anyone who thinks I should can fuck off.

Ps meant to add , there is no obligation to try at all! Enjoying and loving your baby and recovering from the birth is quite enough! Good luck whatever you decide xxx

Thank you all so much! @mistermagpie @Bubbletrouble43 I know you're right, I actually stopped at 6 weeks because my DH said it was just making us both miserable with the stress and I do know that bottles are alright really, I don't know where the guilt comes from.

@Isadora2007 thank you that's a good idea about face-to-face support, I need to find something in the local area.

@Crochetcrochetcrochet so would you always feed from both? Again thank you.

x

Ah, op, don't let this ruin the end of your pregnancy. If you don't want to, don't feel guilt, you tried, but shit happens and your baby is fine!

I'm very lucky with bf, my dd had a lip tie which shredded me but we forced our way through and ended up bf til 4yo, my ds at 9 months was and is still an easy, champion milk guzzler, so I guess I've covered a fair few bf bases. Your 2nd might just take to it very easily.

Echo pp, find a good peer supporter pre birth. We had them attached to the hospital but ask your midwife.

Defo don't be tied into a 2/3 hour schedule. Breast milk is lighter and easier to digest and so they may be hungrier sooner. Offer lots, as often as you can manage. Skin to skin is very important, plonk on the sofa with bare baby inside your top, snacks and remote to hand, and feed feed feed.

Good skin to skin in the first hour can lead to an easier, instinctive first feed which then helps onwards.

I'd let baby feed and fall asleep on first side, then wake him with a change and move him over. In the very early days this will help the milk come in and then later keep stimulating supply.

Expressing is no indication of supply. I'm like a dairy cow now but struggled to get much at all first time around even with an excellent pump. Output in terms of wet nappies is what you need to look for.

Good luck either way.