Help please. Minutes away from giving up bf

[Nobhobs]

I have a 3 week old DS and breastfeeding has generally gone on, had some troubles with engorgement when milk came in but got past that. I think I have over supply or fast let down as he's pulls off, coughs and splutters and generally struggles during feeds. Copes better in day but night feeds are a nightmare for him.

Today I just don't know what to do. He's been feeding for two hours straight, pulling off every 5 seconds crying. We're both soaked, as are my bed sheets and two towels. He just won't stop latching back on and pulling off. He's so upset and I don't know what to do. This close to sending DH to buy some formula.

I've tried breastfeeding lying down, he used to do this but won't anymore without screaming the house down. I've tried reclining but he can't seem to latch. We usually do cross cradle/cradle hold but even in that position it's making a clicking noise and I think he's just taking loads of air. We are both in tears and not getting anywhere.

OP. I'm far from an expert, so really just posting to keep you company in the hopes an expert comes along.

Sounds like everything is going brilliant, but today does sound tough. Also sounds like you need a break. Is DH there? Could he take the baby for half an hour while you get a shower and get yourself cleaned up? The baby might get less agitated if he can't smell your milk, and you can try again after.

Look at his tongue. Does he have thrush? When my dd had thrush this is what she did.

Ok, two things - ring the NCT Feeding helpline on 0300 330 0700, they will be able to help or will signpost you to someone who can. Second- google breastfeeding cafes in your local area, most LA’s run them daily in different towns so you’re likely to be able to find somewhere you can go. It sounds like you need to have some specialist feeding support.

Also OP, re-reading your post - maybe the first thing you need to do is take a break. Can you get him in the buggy/sling and go for a walk? Then maybe try a feed again when you’re home and both a bit calmer?

Are you sure he's not got wind? Spend half an hour or so burping him.

If my LO is hungry but windy she'll keep latching on and pulling off.

Thanks for replies. Mouth looks fine no sign of thrush. I've tried taking a break to settle us both but he's just screaming and doing all his hunger cues and latching on to anything and everything. Won't settle at all just acts like he wants to feed but won't feed properly. My heads about to explode

Sounds like you both need a break, maybe a walk for 30 mins. Then have a hot shower, hand express some milk so that they're not engorged, and go somewhere quiet to feed together. Skin to skin in bed might be a good idea.

I don’t have any children so I’m sorry if this is a stupid suggestion, but could you pimp your milk and bottle feed, then you could get a tight teat for the bottle and control the flow

*pump your milk, bloody autocorrect

Desperately want to pump so DH can help with nightfeeds and I can get more than an hour and a half uninterrupted sleep but midwife said to wait until 8 weeks to ensure breastfeeding is established. I've not bought pump or anything yet and I'm in too much of a state/he's too hungry to figure it out right now hence why I'm nearly giving him a bottle of formula. He just seems so upset and hungry and I don't understand

Trying skin to skin and he's crying less but still trying to latch on to any body part he can. Won't actually latch though just grumbles. I've got some dummies here we've never given as again was advised to wait 8 weeks but should I just try it. I feel like I'm losing my mind!!

Sounds like he's uncomfortable - trapped wind perhaps. My DD used to constantly latch and unlatch when she was uncomfy. Just persevere - there's no guarantee formula will help. If anything, if his tummy is sore or he's windy and uncomfortable, it could make it worse as he won't be used to it.

Also try not to cry and get worked up - he'll be feeding off your emotions and if you are distressed then he'll pick up on it and be distressed too. He isn't going to starve in a few hours so try not to worry. Sometimes babies do things like this and you just have to power through. If your husband is there, get him to take him for a bit. You could also try hand expressing in case the letdown is too strong with him at the start.

If you decide to give formula for one feed that does not mean that you have given up breast feeding.

Reflux?

I would buy a breast pump now if it were me. Also could you afford to have a private lactation consultant come and help?
Definitely look up breastfeeding support groups as well and ring one of the helplines, if you can’t get through, the another.
Has anyone checked for tongue tie? That can cause a clicking sound.
Good luck, and remember one bottle (ideally of expressed) doesn’t have to mean you stop breastfeeding. I also agree that he won’t starve for a few hours though. A walk with his Dad might calm down while you ring the helplines?

Can you call your midwife? Even if you're signed off from them I'm pretty sure they'd help. Are you local to a community midwife office?
I was desperate to breastfeed but struggled and the amount of support I got was amazing. I ended up mix feeding for the first week but now we're just on the boob with shields. Next job is learning to come off the shields :)
Like a pp said, one bottle to calm the situation won't lead you to give up breastfeeding if it's what you want to do long term.
If you'd like some help googling support let me know your location. Good luck.

It sounds like it’s just today he’s struggling to latch? If so I wouldn’t start worrying about tongue tie etc. There’s good days and bad days just see how it goes and keep an eye on them having wet and dirty nappies etc. Mine’s struggled to latch from the beginning for a good few weeks and every feed felt stressful - would they latch? What they not and therefore would they starve?! Don’t exhaust yourself and get in a tailspin trying loads of new things. Do the opposite - low key, back to basics. take a deep breath, put something on the tv you like watching and cuddle them up with boob out and access If they want it. Sometimes they fuss sometimes they don’t, just keep an eye on things. You don’t need a pump or a bottle, you could simply hand express and put some in a small cup, like a shot glass or egg cup and let them lap it. My health visitor said the same re 6 weeks but it’s really just want you feel you’re supply is settling and many people pump before then without difficulty you just need to see what suits you. I hand expressed a little before each feed in the early days for some relief and to help with oversupply to get rid of the first burst and try to stop them spluttering. But generally try to relax, and remember bottle feeding isn’t free from troubles, I’ve heard and read on here too mums who can’t get their baby to take formula and are climbing the walls with it! You’re doing a great job, you’re both trying to get the hang of this and it’s not an exact scientific method that you can perfect immediately. in a few weeks it’s very likely it’ll be second nature and they’ll be latching on without you giving it any thought or worry.

My DS did this with silver reflux. It was a nightmare to get diagnosed because he continued he's to gain weight, but it was miserable for both of us. Tongue tie can cause or exacerbate reflux as well so definitely get that checked.

Agree with pp who said get a pump. Even if you don't offer him the milk now, i be good in the freezer for future, for weaning, for a milk bath if he gets dry skin.

You are doing amazingly. It's hard

*Silent reflux

3 weeks is the WORST for breastfeeding. I remember sobbing in the spare room at 3am after dramatically handing DS to DH and announcing 'I can't do this anymore' at the same age!!

Ok - first of all, giving a bottle of formula is NOT going to ruin your bf-ing journey. As a one-off, it's insignificant and it is also perfectly possible to combi feed. Even if you do decide bf-ing is over - that's ok too! You do not have to feel guilty! If a bottle would give you a break right now, then do it. Get your DH to buy the pre-made ones with the sterilised teats - ready immediately and no commitment to buy any more (if you'd rather avoid formula feeding). DS had 3 of these when he was in hospital after I had them and I bf-ed for 18 months. No harm done.

Also - babies like to suck. It's natural. He probably wants the comfort of sucking and the milk is annoying him. Give him a good and proper winding, then let him suck your finger/dummy. He might be tired - I learnt that my son's feeding cues were very similar to tired cues - see if you can rock / walk to sleep (or get someone else to do it while you have a break). Once he's had a good break from the breast and is (hopefully) calmer, then try to re-latch later.

Definitely seek medical advice if you suspect all is not as it should be but babies do fuss at the breast - I always envisioned a peaceful scene of gently nursing a baby in a rocking chair. The reality was it was more like wrestling a very angry eel. Good luck OP, you are in peak shit-show time but it does improve.

Hey op,

Hang in there, I bet you’re doing a brilliant job but this sounds so stressful.

There’s a lot of (very good) but conflicting advice on this thread, I’m sure everyone’s just speaking from their own perspective but I also think it’s one of the great problems with bf is so many voices.

In the short term I’d call La Leche League and speak to an advisor this afternoon. I did this and it really helped.

www.laleche.org.uk/call/

In the medium term, look for a breastfeeding support group and contact your health visitor. Also, push for a tongue tie check - if your baby has been looked at, ask for a second opinion.

Good luck

Just popped back to agree with @KatnissK. Week 3 was the week I almost caved too.
It gets SO much easier I promise.

This sounds similar to an issue I had, when I tried something I read about on here. I had a very fast let-down and great supply, but I think it was hard going for my dd. I pumped each side until I was empty (keeping for bottle feeding), then started again, with a breastfeed. This somehow slowed my supply and let dd get the fatty back-milk - rather than constantly being sprayed with the watery front supply. Worth a try, if you try all else. Three weeks is heavy going though - WELL DONE. You sre doing great, and if you can keep going, take it easy on yourself and baby. This is tough, but you're doing an incredible thing for you both.

Get some help, if you can, too. Clean sheets, warm shower and a cuppa whenever you can.