Getting desperate - BF 8 week old screaming & not feeding enough

[aquasea]

Hi... I hope someone can help me. I have a darling little 8 week old son who has always been a little "spirited" (!) but the one thing I could always rely on was that he fed a lot. Each week he put on lots of weight and was going up the percentile lines. Last week he weighed 12 pounds. But for the past week he has suddenly almost stopped feeding. He may feed for perhaps 5 mins but then his little arms start flailing (like he is hitting me), he starts kicking and arches back until my nipple comes out of his mouth. Then he screams until he is put over my shoulder and I walk around. It has got so that sometimes he screams when I just put him in the feeding position (I have tried other positions but to no avail). When he was weighed on Thursday he hadn't put on any weight for a week (although he hadn't lost any). However, the weekend was so bad, I am sure he may have lost weight by now. He isn't sleeping much because I am sure he is hungry but he just won't feed. He takes a bottle of expressed milk but I really don't want to give up on breast feeding yet. I have tried Infacol and we are currently trying gripe water but nothing seems to help. I am so exhausted from dealing with him all day and night and trying to get him to feed/stop him crying/burping him etc. I just don't know what to do. I am holding back tears nearly all the time (I can't hold them back now though!). I feel so rejected by him (I know that's stupid). I am trying to stay strong and calm but I feel like I am losing it a bit. Please please, if anyone can offer any help or advice, I would be so grateful.
Sorry for the long post - I don't know what information is relevant and what isn't!
Oh, he also suddenly started drooling a lot.. . I don't know if that is connected or not.

I understand your concern - my inlaws house always reeked of smoke and I hated visiting them when my babies were small. FIL gave up smoking eventually which made things much easier. He hates the smell of smoke now.

TBH, I don't think the smell of smoke is the problem - sounds as though your DS does not enjoy being over handled. You may also feel tense and that can transmit to him.

For the length of time he is in contact with them, it is unlikely that their smoking will make a difference to him. HTH.

Thanks Mears, I read your post yesterday but didn't have time to respond (as they were here!). I think I had got myself into a state and was getting paranoid about every little thing. It really helped to read your post and put things into perspective a little.

Aquasea, whwat a hard time you've been having. Do the PILs pick your LO up while he's sleeping? If your LO normally sleeps where you are (moses basket, pram etc) how about moving him to his nursery with a monitor so that the temptation for PILs to disturb him while asleep is removed. And when things are getting a bit boisterous, reserve the right to remove LO for feed/sleep/nappy change. Are they going home soon? Otherwise you may have to drop the diplomacy and say directly "I would rather you didnt do that, please, I know you want to spend as much time with him as possible, but he actually doesn't like too much fuss" Your baby, your rules.

Oh Kitten, I know. My baby, my rules... I just wish I could be like that. I used to be a strong, capable woman and suddenly I feel like such a wuss! We had a really good day today, I took him to the cranio sacral guy and he has been really calm and fed well and so I was over the moon. Then as soon as he'd had his big long feed (like he hasn't for ages) my MIL swooped him off me. I just wanted to cuddle him for a bit as I was so happy and felt close to him. Then my FIL was all in his face with the "smile, smile, talk talk" stuff and I just wanted to keep him calm. I was getting wound up by it but didn't know what to say. I knew he was getting tired and was hinting that I wanted him back to put him to bed as I didn't want to just grab him off them. Anyway, needless to say it ended with him being totally overtired and screaming! ARGH! Why have I turned into such a doormat over this?! I just don't seem to trust myself to be his mum.

this is a bit cheeky, could you tell them you are going away for a couple of weeks and just hide out at home till the thrill of the new baby thing passes for them. They might calm down a bit and stop the bouncing thing.

grr annoying inlaws, he prob is overtired, and over stimulated all three of my boys got like that as babies and were then a nightmare to settle

incidentally the smoking thing, i read when i was preg with one of mine, that if someone has been smoking, even if they were outside they shouldnt hold or come into close contact with the baby for 30-40mins after having the cigarette because of the smoke etc on their breath and on their clothes, i cant remember where i read it, or what else the article said, but i did tell my parents, who were both smokers and they agreed not to hold the babies when they had been smoking, they have both now quit

Hi aquasea,

I have just read your thread, and although I'm of no help I just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing brilliantly - and with the in-laws - you must have the patience of a saint....perhaps your DH needs to tackle this one?

There is a June antenatal thread here where we all help and support each other as we're all going through things at the same time (i have an 8 week DD) - why don't you come and join us......?

Laila'smum, I can't because they are over from Australia and are only here for another week and a half... not long I know but it feels like an eternity... argh gotta go, theyre here again!

Just try and make it through that week and a half. At least you know its not a permanent state of affairs.

Could you get a sling and keep him in it all the time unless you want him to be in bed, etc? Your in laws are behaving very insensitively towards you and your son, however unintentionally. I accept that they are excited to see him but his needs come before theirs, and what he needs is YOU cuddling him and being close to him, not his grandparents. Their time comes later.

I completely relate to how difficult you find it to be in control of the situation - I had similar problems when my DS was a few weeks old. I found putting him in a sling and leaving him there was the best way to deal with it. And you need to ration the amount of time your inlaws are in your company, because it is not good for you, your DS or your relationship with your in laws. Your DH should deal with this for you because they are his parents and no matter how excited he/they are, as I said before, your DS needs come before any others at the moment.

You are clearly doing a fantastic job in difficult circumstances. I had tears in my eyes when your DS started feeding well again

aqua, I had/have exactly the same problem with my ILs, re: coochy-cooing in both the DSs faces. Every time they did it, and the DSs got upset, I simply said that the noise and fuss was upsetting him and took him to another room.

Aquasea, my dd used to do exactly what you described in your first post when she'd had too much excitement for her little system. So really really cut back on "events" and made sure that we spent lots of time just being, rather than doing.

FWIW I have friends in Oz who had his parents over for a fortnight when their little girl was about the same age as your ds, and they found it hellish because their previously relatively predictable and calm baby seemed so unhappy most of the time. It all calmed down massively when the in-laws came back to the UK.

Think there's been lots of good advice on here about taking your ds out for walks in his pram with your in-laws, and most particularly, trying to make the most of what skills they have. But it must be a really hard situation for you all. They want to bond with him, but it musn't be at the expense of your own bond. And they really should try and undersand that babies of this age don't really form "relationships" with people other than their mum and dad. TOf course there's the extra pressure of them living so far away...

Could you get a sling and keep him in it all the time unless you want him to be in bed, etc? Your in laws are behaving very insensitively towards you and your son, however unintentionally. I accept that they are excited to see him but his needs come before theirs, and what he needs is YOU cuddling him and being close to him, not his grandparents. Their time comes later

My dd2 is always in the sling when theres people around! and she is 5months.. i had one evening when they over stimulated her and it took about 2 hours to settle her.. i ended up calling NHS24 it was that bad - i was freeking out! It will never happen again as my sling is always on sandby!

My son (now aged 4.5) didn't like anyone being in the room when I was feeding him. He is a very "nosey" child. I live in a very small house (two up two down) when it was feeding time I would move into another room and not let anyone in with me. My mother was very upset at the time but I was quite strong. By the time (18 months later) my daughter turned up everyone was OK. At one point with my son my mother said that maybe I should try him on a bottle!! My husband was equally as strong (and trust me my mother is v.v. pushy) and we eventually made her understand. Now, with hindsight, I am very angry that she behaved that way. But such is life. Keep going it's your baby and you know best .

I am SO tired I can't believe it. They are STILL here. I have gone to bed (fed up waiting for dinner which is being cooked by someone else in my house...I know, I know, they're trying to help but when you have had about 3 hours disrupted sleep in the past 48 hours being up at 9pm when the little one is finally asleep is NOT appealing!). They prob think I am really rude but I am beginning to lose it. I just feel they have no respect for me, my baby, my marriage, my house, my car etc etc They never f*ing give him back! I feel like screaming. I know I am overtired (like my little man!) and hormonal and thats why it's getting to me so much but I just feel like screaming at them to F OFF!!
Sling idea good one. Maybe will say cranio guy told me to do it or something.
thanks so much for all your comments. better go. Paranoid I am going to get caught bitching on here!!

You could just say that you have been advised by the cranial osteopath that your ds NEEDS a strict sleep/wake/feed/sleep routine. Then thats it.. By 18.30 it is time to get him ready for bed... take him to bed.. feed him.. you have a nap then come back down stairs.

He NEEDS approx 18hours sleep per day and you are ensuring he gets it for his own good.>> and yours

But, you need to be very assertive. Remember, they are going to go back home and leave you with him completely unssettled and 'out of routine' and you will be left with it. It is you baby - you know him more than ANYONE and you are the one left to deal with him... so it NEEDS to be your rules.

You are not supposed to be sociable and entertaining. You MUST make sure that when your ds sleeps, you rest.

I feel so sorry for you. Also feel very sorry for your in-laws too. They're trying to cram lots of special times into a short (though must feel like aeons long to you) visit. But when push comes to shove, you need to put your needs and that of your ds first. But as politely and in as friendly and warm a manner as possible.

You have my full sympathy. God it's a knackering and hormonal time. If there's any comfort, I found it much easier 2nd time around