DS won't take bottle, regret BF, prisoner in own home, sad

[MummEE2]

Just sitting and sobbing. Sorry for the lengthy post.. I have a 4.5 month old DS who has been EBF since birth. I had been going to gym twice a week for some 'me' time and was expressing BM and my DS was taking it in a bottle whilst I'm gone. He also had formula from a bottle on one occasion and polished all of it off.
For the past month DS has started refusing the bottle. We've tried Tomee Tippee but he never liked that, tried MAM and they were ok up until a month ago. He is now refusing those as well. Also tried NUK with latex teet and he refused that one too. I told my DH to feed him with a spoon or a syringe type thing but he also spits all of it out straight away.
I've been avoiding going to gym now in case my DS is hungry. I'm a prisoner in my own home!!! I've been invited to 3 different friends birthdays etc evenings out. I'd love to go!! My friend also offered to baby sit one evening for a few hrs so me and my DH could have a date night. Again my DS is not letting me as he won't take a bottle.

My DH has managed to go on two nights out and I can't lie I'm very jealous 😞yes I know having a baby is a commitment like no other and it's great-I love it but I need to go out now and then without the child for 3 or so hrs at least. I'm still a person not just a mum.

I also BF my son to sleep almost all of the time. Again I just feel trapped. I was proud for BF my son as I never managed to do it with my DD. But now I regret it. He feeds every hr or so. Yes I know it might be growth spurt. He's a big and healthy baby. I'd feed him every hr happily if I could have s break now and then. I need a break.

I went out for a lunch with a friend recently and my DH messaged me saying DS is not taking any milk and is screaming clearly hungry. I even told him to try give him yoghurt in pure desperation but he spat that out too. So I cut my lunch short and rushed back to BF. And he was hungry.

Please any advice how do I get DS to take a bottle? I need a bit of my life back. Wish I'd never BF, didn't realise it'll give me so many problems. No one else can settle him to sleep (DH rarely can rock him), no one else can feed him. Feel trapped. If only he took to a bottle.

ColeHawlins it's going to be 6 long weeks as two of the events I've been invited to are one next week and one in 5 weeks so I'll have to miss both. Then the birthday meal I've been invited to after (strictly no kids) will be when my DS is only just 6 months. There's 2 people traveling for 3 hrs to my city for this meal. I'm dreading it now 😭 I agreed to this when my LO was taking the bottle.

Spudlet I've actually got some faster flow teets I've not tried. I'll try those next. Thank you.

Wallywobbles you must have nerves of steel to try that! I'd feel too guilty

I’m on my second bottle refuser but am getting less stressed this time. My little one can do 7/8 hour stretches at night so I know she won’t starve if I leave for 3 hours. Also as everyone said weaning will be upon you before you know it.

Look up ‘nursing aversion’ it may help you make sense of the feelings you have about breastfeeding. The pressure does ease off a bit when they can start having solids alongside feeds and also 4 months is peak time for frequent night waking, this may improve too. Once my baby was on solids (9 months) I night weaned. I also was able to go off in daytime for 2-3 hours between feeds, I just accepted that I needed to do lunch near home and come back to do feeds, but I did have asocial life.

I think most EBF babies struggle with the bottle. I also think most get over it eventually but it's a struggle.

Mine hated it, but we would persist once a week at least. I cried with joy when she first took one properly as it meant I had some element of freedom.

When we left her overnight for the first time at 8 weeks it took 1hr for her to take it. She basically cried for one hour (!). Luckily my DM has only just told me this.

My point is that you have to keep trying. They won't like it initially, but eventually they will get used to it. Also make sure you aren't in the room, they can smell you/your milk and are less likely to accept it.

As a reassurance once she got used to it she would happily have it, and we switched from BF to bottles at 9 months without any issue.

My second had a bottle a day from 3 weeks on dr recommendation and this was much easier.

I think introducing a dummy helped because she struggled with having things in her mouth (v sensitive gag reflex) and we are trying to do a bottle a day now to keep it up but it's not problem solved here.

It is a bit of a drag knowing that I can't do anything without her atm. Was really looking forward to going back to an exercise class and I have been ready for a couple months but can't yet . Also been trying to do some work but even when DP is here I can't be left to it.

DP struggles with her crying, she cries more with him so I end up giving her bottles which is progress but not the point. Need to get him to give bottles to time rather than waiting till she demands food. I don't thinks desperate enough works because she loses her mind, throws up or goes back to sleep and then the screaming starts again

My cousin just went out and let her baby be hungry if her wouldn't take a bottle but I can't do that and DP would be upset too.

Definitely try the faster flow teats. We're not fully there with the bottle bit I feel this has helped a bit.

HotpotLawyer thank you for advise, I'll definitely try that and will tell my DH the same. Makes sense to try when he's not hungry rather than hungry and distressed.

Seeine that sounds like my DS! I can absolutely bet if I left him at home with my DH all day he'd still refuse to feed all day. Strong characters in the making I guess eh

KatnissKringle I've actually bought a sippy cup in preparation for when he's 6 months but I think I'll get it out sooner to try. Thank you

Both of mine refused a bottle - as far as they were concerned, they knew what a nipple was supposed to taste and feel like and a bottle wasn't it. However, by the time DS2 arrived, doidy cups were a thing and he accepted a cup no problem at all. Could you maybe try a doidy cup?

I just saw it as one of the things about having a small baby a bit like when you’re pregnant and uncomfortable and only 28 weeks- you can’t just opt out and get pissed and park the foetus off somewhere no matter how much you might want to. Sometimes babies are like that too- but it’s not forever. Find a gym class that’s baby friendly, embrace being “mum” for now as before you know it you’ll be back at work and at social events and your baby won’t even be a baby any more. The more you look at what you’ve NOT got the worse it all seem. Look at what you DO have and CAN do...and know this phase will pass very quickly and you’ll actually miss it.
Friends should be understanding and if they’re not, screw them. Your baby has to come first and they’re not doing it on purpose. They don’t even know that they are a separate entity from you so when you’re not there they actually can’t bear it. It’s not manipulative it’s nature.

I didn't read all the replies, but I've bf both my boys. One took a bottle of expressed milk or formula from 6 weeks. The second refused bottles until 8 months old. I won't lie, it was hard sometimes but I promise you it gets easier. I had friends round alot till 6 months for sleepovers etc and just tried to relax at home. My youngest is 14 months now and things are way easier it doesn't last forever

I had a bottle refuser too but she would take small amounts of Hipp Organic formula from a free flow sippy cup. It always had to be on the hotter side of warm too. It was by no means a full feed bu enough to get by on and because it was so different from a teat I think that's why she took it.

Had to comment as I remember feeling so similar when DS was four months. He was going through a growth spurt and I was stuck on the sofa feeding every hour. It was so exhausting. I realised I hadn't left him for more than an hour in his whole life. I found it really hard. He was also going though a biting phase (and had one tooth- he made me bleed once!)

He was also funny about the bottle, would take it then wouldn't. As PPs have said I just kept persisting and eventually it got better and I could go out to dinner and DH could put him down from a bottle. And the feeding so often thing decreased. I remember 4 months as a very hard time.

You are doing so so well- hang in there. I know how hard it is but it will get easier.

How long do you need to be away for to go to the gym? (Genuinely asking as not a gym goer) yes you can’t go away for 4 hours but going out for an hour for the gym will be fine, he’s 4.5 months not 2 weeks and your husband will survive if he cries a little bit. For your own mental health do it. It’ll get easier soon and maybe there is a way to magically get him to take a bottle (I never managed it) but do try to find a way to do small things alone even if you can’t do the bigger things

With the lunch- next time why not take him with you? Not ideal, of course and not exactly whT you want, but at least you could stay out.....

Sunshine1235 because I have to travel to closest gym I'm usually gone for about 1.5 hrs, then need another 10 mins home for a quick shower. My DH has been managing but as DS is currently feeding every hr or so it's difficult and I'm always worried DS is crying at home just because I want to go to gym. Gym is definitely good for my mental health but the worrying about DS dampens it a lot.

BertrandRussel I've been taking my LO out with me all the time. Lunches, shopping etc he's always with me. When going out to cafe or restaurant it's difficult with him. He's fidgety and I can't feed him discretely-he feeds very loud, is very easily distracted so I often end up with my boob being out because he's decided to look at something else 🙈 in short going out with LO is not a break for me. It's hard work.

Kiwiblue thank you for kind words. Much needed at this time

Has anyone been to a BF support group? I found one in my area. Wonder if it'd be worth going to have a rant about my lack of freedom to others in similar situation? Or will I be regretting going considering I want to give up BF?

OP You are allowed to leave the house, be independent and be your own person.
You are more than a Mum.

If you feel responsible for his feeds then express what you can, put it in loads of 1oz bottles, and go out. or make up small bottles of formula.

My eldest started nursery at 4 months and was a bottle refuser. She would have an ounce, just enough to assuage her hunger. So I made loads of 1oz bottles and they just had to manage. Your DH will do this for you. It's not ideal, but its possible.
Good luck.

I went to one and it was great. There were a couple of 'formula is eeevil and should only be available on prescription!' twats, but the rest of us sniggered at them and got on with feeding our babies as we saw fit and supporting each other. Still got mum friends from there years down the line (and we still snigger at the antics of the crunchy mum twat).

Was just going to suggest trying the bottle when your DS isn't hungry but Hotpot beat me to it!

Another one with a bottle refuser here, but DD did like sippy cups. Not the ones with teats they have to suck, but the ones that pour milk. She was quite happy with ff in one of those. She liked her milk cold though we discovered. Amazing how different the little blighters can be isn't it

Hang on in there. It is tough and we've been there - not that it's any consolation or help to you now

Gahwhatever thank you, good idea! It must have been stressful going back to work with a bottle refuser. I know I'll need to do some training for work when DS is 7months-a day here and there and I'm not looking forward to leaving LO for the whole day as at the moment can't even leave him for a few hrs without him screaming. Although like pp have said it should get easier after 6 months. Fingers crossed.

Spudlet I'll try a group then, nothing to lose I guess.

I really feel for you OP. U had the same with my DS2 when he was about the same age. Suddenly the feeding ramped up again and I was trapped. I'm still BF now at 18m as he refused to take a bottle (and never has) and we had the added complication of him having CMPA and soya allergy so the only formula available tasted utterly awful.

When he started weaning we used a sippy cup for milk and now DH or a babysitter can put him to bed no problem. It took a few goes but he caught on pretty quickly. Also he attends nursery so can't have boob there, and I never bothered expressing as he wouldn't take a bottle anyway.

I also attended a few BF support sessions and the staff were great. They had all been through it and remembered that closed in feeling, and gave pointers to help. Things like DH taking him for a walk or a drive whilst I was in the gym or the bath so that he was distracted and I didn't feel guilty.

Hope it gets better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel (I am desperate to give up by the way but I have the added issue of him being in our room still due to a ssllooww house move!).

Mine would never take a bottle. When I went out (rarely) the babysitter managed with milk in a doidy cup. It isn’t the end of the world if the baby doesn’t have milk for 3-4 hours though. But bf is very tying, I’ve only been out without my baby four times in the past year and a bit!

It sounds so tough! At 4.5 months your baby can go ages without needing milk - although I know the fear that they will want to feed all night if you miss a chunk of feeding.

What I'm saying is that once a week give yourself permission to leave the house for 4 hours, leave your husband with DS and a bottle/sippy cup/syringe/spoon and tell your DH to only contact you if the baby needs emergency medical attention. Tell him not to tell you anything about DS crying, being unhappy etc. Your DS will not be harmed by 4 hours of not feeding during the day.

Why don't you go the gym any, he wo t starve because he isn't fed for 2 hours and it would do you good.