Does it ever get better?

[Rose198]

Could do with some words of encouragement before I throw the towel in and give my baby formula.

I have always wanted to breastfeed and was desperate to make it work. DD is now 10 weeks old and we had a pretty rough start due to birth trauma which meant she couldn't latch. The only way I have been able to get her to latch is with shields and I have tried to wean off them but she just won't have it and she gets so distressed it's the only way to keep her feeding.

I always knew to expect cluster feeding but it seems like she is literally never full/satisfied. She would feed constantly if I let her and often falls asleep whilst feeding. She will feed for an hour and then within half an hour she will be screaming for more. Evenings are the worst she will literally feed all evening and cries if she's put down. Does this get better?

She was born at the 50th centile and dropped to 25th at 6 weeks which they said was fine but she was weighed again yesterday and is closer to the 9th centile. She has loads of wet and dirty nappies every day and the HV did say not to worry too much at the moment but to go back in 2 weeks.

Should I be giving her formula? Or adding formula? Family and DP keep saying they think she's hungry and needs formula but I know as soon as I start adding formula it's going to be the beginning of the end of the breastfeeding and I had really hoped to get to 6 months at least. She never seems like a particularly happy baby which we had put down to wind and poor napping but now I'm starting to wonder if she's actually just hungry and she might sleep better if she had formula

Huge well done for persevering thus far! It’s bloody tough. Cluster feeding is normal and feeding frequency does vary but I would say by 10 weeks some feeds should be shortening. I suspect latch is still not as good as it needs to be- can you contact la leche league or local breastfeeding support and get someone to check? You can do this but you need some help.

Awwww you've done amazing so far so good for you hun. I tried to breastfeed after having an emergency c section but my supply was so low my baby wasn't getting no where near enough milk so I expressed as much as possible which increased it a little but barely and I supplemented with formula. It was exhausting and mentally draining. My milk eventually dried up and I continued with the formula and she's fine and such a strong happy baby now at 3 months. Don't know if this is of any help but I hope it is. Xxx

Thanks for your reply. Some feeds are definitely shorter, the night feeds are about 20 minutes max and she dream feeds very well it's just during the day and evenings. I thought she had improved at about 8 weeks and seemed to be getting better and then she had her injections and everything seems to have gone to sh1t!
We have been to the breastfeeding clinics already and they all say she has a good latch with the shields. Maybe I need to go back and ask again

If you’re going to supplement why not supplement with pumped breast milk rather than formula? It’s faster and less effort for the baby to drink from a bottle and at least you know how much you’re giving them. You can pump when the baby is asleep.

The constant feeding and falling asleep while feeding is normal. My baby was nearly 1 before we achieved a 3-4hr gap between feeds, and he still falls asleep feeding sometimes.

I think it's pretty unusual to take till 12 months to get to 3 to 4 hours between feeds. At 10 weeks feeding can seem pretty constant, especially if they are in a growth spurt.

Have you tried taking the nipple shields off after a few minutes of a feed?

You could try expressing once or twice a day, and then offering that after a breastfeed.
Using formula doesn't have to be the end of breastfeeding, if you use a teat that isn't free flow, where the baby has to work a little to get milk, that can help. (We used the Medela Calma ones but there are probably others). It's probably better to replace a breastfeed with formula, rather than offering formula top ups after each feed.

If the night feeds are shorter then the latch is less of a worry...do you need to use shields at night too? If so maybe try without for the sleepy feeds? See if you can wean off them. Also could try gentle breast compression when flow seems to be slowing. I imagine shields interfere a bit with supply generation as there’s less pressure on the nipple and breast to stimulate production.... so expressing might be good to help boost supply. I’d be a little wary of nipple confusion but you could freeze some or try an open cup. You must be exhausted already though so don’t push yourself too hard. My first baby was a snacker-fed every 1.5 to 2 hrs day and night for first few months. My second went much longer between feeds from start so they are all different. You may find the website kellymom helpful and Dr Jack Newman on fb.

I can sympathise with you. I’ve just had to stop breastfeeding my daughter at nearly 5 weeks. I’ve been put on some medication and had to cut her off cold turkey. It’s been horrific. But she’s now on formula and it’s been so much easier. She. Ow goes 4 hours between feeds instead of 1-1.5hours. Someone else can help me feed her and I can sleep/eat/shower/wee/breath. She seems more content after feeds and is now sleeping more than 1 hour at a time and isn’t awake for 3 hours between sleeps. I tried pumping and managed a few bottles but it still didn’t keep her full and the almost constant pumping and nursing was pushing me to the brink. I was exhausted physically and mentally. Now I’m a much happier mum and I’m way more present. Before I was just existing daily. If you fee you can keep going then do but don’t feel guilty or push yourself. Your baby needs a happy healthy mum. That’s just as important as breastfeeding. You’ve done brill to get to 10 weeks and your baby will have had lots of nutrients.

I can sympathise with you. I’ve just had to stop breastfeeding my daughter at nearly 5 weeks. I’ve been put on some medication and had to cut her off cold turkey. It’s been horrific. But she’s now on formula and it’s been so much easier. She. Ow goes 4 hours between feeds instead of 1-1.5hours. Someone else can help me feed her and I can sleep/eat/shower/wee/breath. She seems more content after feeds and is now sleeping more than 1 hour at a time and isn’t awake for 3 hours between sleeps. I tried pumping and managed a few bottles but it still didn’t keep her full and the almost constant pumping and nursing was pushing me to the brink. I was exhausted physically and mentally. Now I’m a much happier mum and I’m way more present. Before I was just existing daily. If you fee you can keep going then do but don’t feel guilty or push yourself. Your baby needs a happy healthy mum. That’s just as important as breastfeeding. You’ve done brill to get to 10 weeks and your baby will have had lots of nutrients.

Sounds like you're doing really well OP. Cluster feeding can be constant, especially during growth spurts. Babies feed more at night due to prolactin boosting supply. I can promise it does get easier from now on

I was in exactly the same position as you (or worse?) at 12 wks. Baby is now 8.5 months and we managed to sort ourselves out without topping up with formula. That was what was right for me but the main thing is you must do what is right for you and your baby, and if that is topping up then do that. What is it that you are most concerned about that's making you think about formula- weight or frequency of feeding/unsettledness? Has your HV expressed concern + suggested top ups? Bear in mind many people combi feed successfully- doesn't have to be the beginning of the end.

Nipple shields allowed me to breastfeed my baby who was unwilling to latch (possibly for much the same reason as yours). She also fed constantly, never settled and gained slowly; falling from 75th at birth to between 2nd/9th at 12 weeks which gave me a fright but the HV was not overly concerned about. (Which surprised me in all honesty). However she put me on extra weigh ins and I got bf support. I suspect the shields were the issue- making it harder to get the milk out etc. (Although - mine was 16 days late, I had fluids IV during labour, both of which may have conspired to a false picture of chunkiness that might not have been borne out if she arrived on time).

Shortly after that, baby spat the shield out during a feed and latched. Like you, I'd tried weaning her off but failed; but the random spit out gave me some encouragement so we tried again at a late night/early morning feed. Hazy. So hazy. (Basically baby was sleepy and relaxed.) Kellymom has tips on getting them off. You've probably tried them.
It might be (re weaning) that your LO will do it when she's ready.

Meantime- I was advised to do breast compressions to get more milk transfered per feed, to be sure to watch for active sucking and wake her up/switch her over when she stopped and was napping/comfort sucking, and to do as much skin to skin as possible to help the hormonal stuff that the shields can apparently interfere with.

Do you express? If you have the will/energy/time to it can help - both in getting easy calories in to baby, and boosting supply a bit. If you don't and want to (it's a pain with a velcro baby as you somehow need to put them down) I'd strongly recommend getting your hands on a hospital grade double pump. If you are doing this - hands on pumping helps. Stanford Uni has a video about how to do that.

It does get easier and you are doing well- it's not easy to get feeding going especially after a traumatic birth. Real life support is a good idea too.
Good luck.

Thanks for all the replies everyone it is reassuring to know this should get better!

She often pulls the shield off by accident and screams immediately until I put it back on again so it's really tricky trying to get rid of them. The reason she couldn't latch to start with was facial palsy caused by forceps and it's got a lot better but she's still got weakness in one side of her mouth. We've been to SLT and they've said it's probably the reason she can't latch without the shield as she needs something bigger than a nipple to latch to. She can't hold a dummy in either so I don't think it's something that is going to get better that quickly.

I've been expressing every day but because she only really naps in the car or pram it's really difficult to try and get the time to express where she doesn't want to be fed as well so I only really get about 4oz which she will have in one go and then want feeding either as well as the bottle or very quickly afterwards.

I think it's a combination of the issues making me think I should give her formula. The fussiness between feeds and frequency of feeding, having family tell me she's hungry, and then the final straw was the drop in centiles when she was weighed yesterday. I felt terrible

You're doing incredibly well to still be feeding in spite of all your challenges, and i can understand how exhausted and upset you feel. I can't offer any advice, but la leche league may be able to help? 03451202918
I've always found them to be very helpful. All the best, OP

Mine was on shields for a few months too. How I got him off them is that everyday I would give him a chance to latch on without them. I picked the early afternoon feed for this "practice" as he was not starving and not overtired. I would let him try but the minute he got upset or frustrated I would stop, take a few minutes and then pop the shield on. None of us learn when we are hungry or tired or upset so a baby won't either. After a while of this he took the shield off himself and fed directly and has been since. Breastfeeding is not always easy, it certainly hasnt been for me, but it can be worthwhile. Get as much breastfeedingsupport in real life as you can. My boy also had a lot of night fussiness and crying like you describe, you're at the zenith of the colic weeks at the moment too. Things will be easier soon.

Sounds like you're doing a great job from what you've been through. It does get easier, I really struggled to begin with but my LG is 19 months and I still breastfeed her once a day and really enjoy it. I agree with PP, maybe substitute 1 feed with formula a day and add what happens. I think I'd be tempted to do that if I have another just to get Dad more involved and a nice block of sleep! Kellymom is a great site for advice on boosting supply, pumping etc.

I had similar concerns at that age and I found a breastfeeding cafe was a massive help to me. So much reassurance and knowledge. If you are near Oxford I can recommend a good one or you can google for ones near you or la leche

Ignore family saying she's hungry. They know nothing about breastfeeding. Definitely get along to a BF café for advice.

Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. I don’t have direct experience but just wanted to say, the nipple
Shields are not necessarily interfering with supply or how much your bab takes in a feed as I use them with a big baby who is in the upper percentiles. I know lots of mums who used them though whole breastfeeding journey with no adverse effects... I just wanted to tell you that in case they were another source of stress for you.

As other have said perhaps you could express and give your little one a big bottle and then you know if they are still demanding boob it’s for comfort rather than hunger.

Good luck - try not to be so hard on yourself 💐

Thanks for all the advice and support everyone it is much appreciated. She's had a bit of formula today and still hasn't napped very well or been any happier between feeds so I'm none the wiser really!