Expressing & Struggling

[coco91]

Hi

My little girl is 17 days old and I had my heart set on breastfeeding, but sadly due to a tongue tie and the shape of my nipples it's been a bit of a battle.

My milk didn't come in until day 4 so I had to top her up with formula which I was really upset about. After my milk came in I started expressing. I know you are supposed to do it every 3 hours, but I have no idea how this is humanly possible when you have a newborn to look after, heal and recover, stop your house from turning into a tip, keep up with laundry, and feed yourself, shower etc and somehow sleep?!

I feel like every time I have a second to myself I am sat there pumping and it's getting me down so much. I wish I could breastfeed her normally and we have had all the help in the world from specialists etc but it's just not meant to be

I'm in an absolute mental dilemma as to whether to stop expressing and to solely formula feed, but I feel so guilty for giving up already and like I'm failing her. I keep crying and can't come to a decision. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you come to a decision and stick to it- and how do you feel about it now?

Thank you

Hi OP I had to respond to this. I really feel for you, it’s so hard isn’t it.
I had to stop breastfeeding for ten days when my lo was 12 days old because I had a nasty infection in both nipples and they needed to heal. I used a pump to keep my supply going and it was exhausting and depressing. I know there are some people out there who do exclusively express but it is exceptionally hard work. I understand there is a fbook group for women who do so maybe look at that.
However what I want to say is that if you decide to give formula and stop expressing then you are not failing anyone. Formula is highly scientific and babies do very well on it. It’s not like giving your baby chocolate milkshake every day. If you keep expressing and make yourself miserable then you are missing out on such a special time with your lovely new baby.
Woman’s hour on radio 4 did two episodes on infant feeding last week you can download them as podcasts. Highly recommend and I think it’ll cheer you up

Do you have a partner? They should be doing as much as possible around the house to allow you to rest and to have time to express.

Also, you don't have to make any hard and fast decisions. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can decide to scale back the expressing so that you can give some breastmilk and then use formula for the rest of the feeds. You can the later decide to increase the number of times you express if you want to, or scale it back again. No need to spend lots of time thinking about it as a dilemma or something that needs to have a final decision.

Have you got a hospital grade double pump? That will help with managing time for expressing if you haven't already.

Totally agree with pp about not having to make any hard and fast decisions. It’s taken me 8 weeks to come to an approach that suits me.
And yes do invest in a decent double pump.

Hi OP! I had the exact same problem with the addition of upper lip tie alongside tongue tie. My babyjust wasn't able to latch correctly, I had to keep relatching him every few seconds and he took in some much air from this process that he was miserable and windy. He's 12 weeks old now and I have been exclusively expressing since week 7!

I also felt so very guilty about not being able to breastfeed so this was my compromise, but please do remember that formula feeding isn't anything to feel guilty about! You've tried your best, unfortunately sometimes this just doesn't work out and that is completely fine- fed is best!! My mother formula fed me and I have hardly ever been ill (just the occasional cold.) I also think she's an amazing Mum so your baby will never ever judge you for formula feeding if that's what you decide is best!

All that being said, if you do want to express just take it a day at a time. I have been thinking of giving up since week 7 but here I am 5 weeks later and counting! I also find the biggest struggle to be looking after my baby by myself during the day while I find time to pump. A pumping bra is a must! I plug myself into my pump and then either feed my baby, bounce him on my lap or put him in his bouncer chair and sit next to him. Sometimes none of these work so I have to pump whilst carrying him over one shoulder and bouncing around my living room! It's tough but it is possible!

I'm trying to get to 6 months but am mentally preparing myself to be kind to myself if I don't make it. If I can get to 4 or 5 months I'll be so happy! Be proud of yourself! I personally think that exclusively expressing while looking after a baby is the hardest way to feed, so you are an incredible Mum for even trying it at all! Well done!

Feel free to message me if you want any help or just to vent :)

Sorry for the typos! I'm expressing with baby on me while I type!!

This was me a few years ago. My only regret was not quitting sooner...I went on for ages and ended up in a dark pit of despair with pnd. I resented my baby and i feel terrible about that looking back. Formula is a great tool. Use it whenever you feel it would help you, or 100%. No need to feel guilty. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

OP it’s really hard isn’t it. My second daughter had a severe tongue tie and could latch for 2 weeks- the constant cycle of trying to feed, expressing and bottle feeding nearly caused me to crack and that was for a very short time. We did manage to transition to breastfeeding directly after tongue tie was snipped, and transitioned using nipple shields. She latched with a shield for the first time at 12 days old and we managed to wean off shields at 4 weeks. It was very very hard but we got there.

Firstly if you switch to formula baby will be fine. I was very emotional about giving some to my DD2 but it is just food at the end of the day- not as good as breastmilk but not a bad substitute.

Secondly if you want to breastfeed it’s still very early days and it’s entirely possible that things will be totally different in a week. My DD2 latched for first time on a Sunday evening and was off top ups by Tuesday. It can be that fast.

What’s the current impediment to feeding- is it that baby can’t latch? Painful feeding? Something else?

OP have you tried a syringe pump? They're very cheap on Amazon, about £10 and the only pump I could get on with. Everything else just felt like I was being mangled.

Oh god op, I feel for you

As pp said, do you have a partner, because if so then they should be doing the housework and cooking so you can feed and express when it’s still this early.

Give yourself permission to stop if you want to. I’m pro bf but formula is great for situations like this and you have nothing to feel bad about. You’ve given your baby a great start

This was me a few months ago. Small baby, small mouth, inverted nipples = no latch. I pumped for 2 months, was regularly trying her at the breast and with nipple shields for 6 weeks until she lost interest, it was pretty much torture for us both every time I tried and we never had success. Continued for another couple of weeks and was just starting to get into the swing of things when I got a blocked duct which then led to mastitis and an abscess, and that was the end for me.
I am still shocked at just how emotional it has all been for me, and I still feel really sad about it all 2 months later, but I don't regret my decision at all, and baby is doing grand on formula. So I totally understand how you are feeling, but please know that you have done amazing work so far, and whatever you decide will be the right thing.
How to make expressing easier... Double electric pump, hands free bra, set up pumping Station with all your bits, you don't need to clean pump every time, just store in a sealed container in the fridge and clean once a day, don't let visitors put you off pumping. Excuse yourself and get it done... You don't want to end up with blocked ducts or worse! Let your most frequent visitirs know what you need to do so they can be supportive when you need to do it. If you can, just express in front of family members, it makes it much easier if you don't have to move rooms! Get as much help as you can... If someone offers to help, don't be shy in taking them up on it! Going out is the hardest part, I found expressing in the car was quite easy (passenger seat) and helps enable you to go further afield. Just put a big scarf over you, no one will see!
Then finally, how did I decide to stop... Abscess was excruciating, that side stopped producing anything and I could nt bring myself to enter into another battle to increase supply {had that battle the full way through). Plus baby was starting to be so much more alert and awake that I hated being attached to a pump so much! And... My laxness with the 3 hourly svelte is presumably why I ended up with the abscess... Take care of yourself, happy mother is so important, and fed is best whichever way that it happens! Sorry that was rather long! Xx

Oh... Also I felt that what the midwives and HVs were telling me was, as you said, totally impractical. I was pumping 7 times a day... Could never understand the 10 times that some people say is required. That is insane.

If it's any consolation, I'm in a very similar position. I started of bf'ing with no issues - DS took to it well. However when he was 7 weeks old, he was admitted into hospital with what started off as a bad chest infection, later transpired into a hole in the heart. He couldn't be operated on immediately until the chest cleared, but the amount of fluid he took had to be monitored during this time.

Cut long story short, I was banned from bf and he was on bottle pre-op. Post-op, he was not remotely interested in me - I tried my best but after the stress we had just been through, I didn't want to go through anymore.

So I continue to express and, tbh, my supply is decreasing day by day (he's 4.5 months). Currently only getting 250 mls for him per day. I'm starting to query whether there is any benefit to such a small amount and whether I should admit defeat and throw in the towel.

Hi, I am in a very similar position and come on here to start a thread for some support. You are not alone!!!

My DD is 14 days, she didn't latch till day 4 due to jaundice maiming her sleepy and being under a lamp for all of day 3, a severe tongue tie that's been cut twice and a ventouse delivery making her poor head all swollen and sore. We were exclusively bfing but on day 10 she'd lost weight and the awful midwife sent all our stress levels through the roof so it all fell apart.

Since then I've been expressing all her milk - it is SO HARD!!! I do 'cluster pumping' on the advice of a feeding specialist. So after every other feed I do 10 min on, 10 min off x3. This takes just short of an hour but I get enough for the next 2 feeds. Then next feed I can just take the bottle out of the fridge and we have an easier time of it.

Between my DH and my mum I've got help at home till the end of this weekend, but I've decided if we haven't made strides back to bfing by then I'll be giving up. For us it's not sustainable alone and is getting in the way of enjoying these first few days of her life.

Good luck OP, you are a goddamn miracle goddess for bringing this beautiful life into the world. Fed babies and happy mamas are the best combo however you get there ❤️ xxx