Desperate to stop breastfeeding-please help

[Rainycloudyday]

I have a beautiful nearly four month old daughter who I have been breastfeeding. I was terrified of ending up with a bottle refuser as I was always very unsure about breastfeeding, so we gave her a bottle a day at bedtime from 3 days old. For the first few weeks this was fine but recently she has started to refuse it and screams the house down if I try and give it to her. She’s only slightly better when it’s my husband feeding her. I am desperate to stop breastfeeding totally – I won’t go into the reasons here as I don’t want this post to become about whether that’s the right thing to do and I can’t bear to hear anyone trying to persuade me to carry on. The thought of even another month makes me want to run away. However, I feel totally trapped as I can’t bear to make my baby distressed by withholding her breastfeeding. The NHS advice is to drop one feed a day but that’s impossible when we don’t have distinct feeds (I feed on demand, as we would do with bottles) and she just screams endlessly until she’s breastfed. The only way I can see to stop is to go cold turkey. I would pump a bit off to prevent mastitis and keep cuddling and comforting my daughter until she eventually agrees to take a bottle. She definitely knows how to, it’s just refusal. But I'm terrified this would damage her emotionally. Has anyone done this or anything similar?

Please be gentle as I’m in a very low place mentally and desperately need some help.

Really feel for you. My baby was a bottle refuser and I felt so trapped and resentful, until one day at about 6 months he randomly decided that he would take one with no fuss. I’m still breastfeeding now, but just the knowledge that he can take a bottle was the biggest relief and did a lot for my mental health.

Have you tried the usual things like different bottles and different teat flows? Does your daughter take a dummy - if so are you using the same brand of bottle because teat will likely be similar. Sorry if these are obvious suggestions, but didn’t want to read and run.

Also, you won’t damage her emotionally, she will be fed and won’t even remember in a few days or so.

Thank you so much for replying. We've tried a few bottles and she can definitely take them, just refuses to. She won't take a dummy she just gags and spits it out and screams harder.

Should have also said we've tried different teat flows.

Hi - babies can smell breastmilk (so I was told), so if you hold her whilst trying to bottlefeed her, she's probably thinking 'oh hang on a minute, there's a boob there, I'll go for that!'. Maybe that's why she's a bit easier to bottle feed when your husband tries to? Could it be that the teat on the bottle is too large/too small for her now, milk too hot/too cold etc? TBH I was told to bottle feed on demand, but it such a faff and unpredictable (screaming child, faffing about making bottle, let it cool down, more screaming agghh) that I just made bottles at fixed times, sometimes she drank the lot, sometimes she didn't. She's a cheeky 8-year old now, so it all turned out ok. Do what is best for you - advice is so dependant on whether it works for you and your baby.
It will fall into place, trust me. She won't be emotionally damaged, some mums start slowly weaning at 4 months, maybe you could try that in addition? You're doing great and don't beat yourself up, whatever people may say :-)

ps we had a dummy spitter too! Rest assured you won't have to deal with the Dummy Fairy when she's older, see, win-win!

I agree with TadaTralala. She can smell your boob so she wants it !

I had a similar experience but had to stop because of work issues. Once I realised that it was the boob causing the problems, I got my mother to come over for a few days. She bottle fed at every feed ( bless her !) and DD was happy to take it since she knew Mum really well and there was no alternative offered. Within a couple of days DD was fully bottle fed.

I'd suggest that either your DH or your mother , anyone else really , feeds DD for a few days as often as they can. Good luck !

I’m in same position, with my 6 month old.

I have spent a fortune on different teats, but she won’t take a bottle.

For the last 2 weeks I have been trying daily, plus other family members try too, but she just pushes it out and cry’s . I don’t think she will ever take a bottle, but she also used to fine.

I hVe tried cup feeding, plus using a syringe, also not worked.

Sorry, I totally understand how hard it is

Have you tried changing bottle or teat type to see if it helps? My 4month old is combi fed too and one day he just started hating the bottles and teats we were using. Screamed the place down and gagged whenever it went near his mouth. I think it was linked to teething and they just felt uncomfortable in his mouth. We swapped brands and now he’s fine with it again. Apologies if you’ve already tried that, I just know that sometimes a fairly obvious solution isn’t so obvious when you’re in the thick of it!

Are you using formula in the bottle or expressed milk? I exclusively express and my daughter refuses formula (despite having it early days) and when I've persisted she's had some then thrown it all up..

I try with expressed, but have also tried formular

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and being so kind. I appreciate it so much. I've tried expressed milk and it made no difference unfortunately It seems like someone else feeding is the way forwards. I will enlist DH and my mum and see how we go. Thank you all again (and any more advice would be much appreciated!)

Not trying to persuade you to continue BF but have you looked up nursing aversion? It’s not as uncommon as people think.

With regards to weaning - could you try someone having her for a day or two without you around so she won’t be searching for boob? Make sure you keep a very close eye on your boobs if you stop cold turkey. Try taking some decongestants as this can help your milk to dry up.

Also not trying to stop you from doing anything as in my eyes a happy Mama will lead to a happy baby no matter if they are boob, bottle, spoon or syringe fed. A fed baby at the end of the day is all that matters but I was told by many going straight from breast milk to formula can sometimes be hard for the little ones tummy so if you could express milk and formula feed for a few days upping the formula over breastmilk then that should do the trick and stop you from getting sore at same time. I was also told Hipp Organic Milk is a nice soft milk for them to change over too and should be a little easier on the tummy and the change in poops.