help/advice regarding co-sleeping

[pinguthepenguin]

Hi girls

I've been on here recently seeking advice about my newborns incessant feeding . I've decided to take your helpful advice and go with the flow in the hope that it'll get better soon. Thankyou all for that.
The thing is now though, I have another worry to add to the squilions that I've had since the day she was born.......As I mentioned on my other thread, she hates to be put down awake, and even if she's put down asleep, she manages to wake up pretty soon demanding food or to be held. I've found that I end up having her in the bed with me for most, if not all of the night, as I fall asleep when she's feeding and dont tend to completely wake up until her next one. The plus side of this is that I'm managing to get a relatively decent nights sleep while she helps herself at the milk bar. I tell myself every night that I'll sit up straight in the bed and feed her while I'm fully awake, but given that she has epic feeds, followed by needing to be held to sleep, I can see this may take well over an hour each time.
My main worries about co-sleeping are:

1. My DP or I may roll over and harm her (both non-smokers, not on medication etc)
2. She may eventually refuse to settle herself or go into her own cot.

I quite like having her next to me at the moment, but I'm not keen for this to be a permanent solution, (I realise she is still only tiddly- 2 wks old!) and I would feel much safer if she was tucked up in her own basket beside me.

What do you girls reckon?
-Is it dangerous to have babies in bed with you?
-can you spoil such a small baby? ( my mum is doing my head in with this)

• also, can you overfeed a bf baby? (also hearing this from do-goooders who can't believe how much she is feeding)
• Should I insist that she is goes back into her basket?

Thanks for any advice you may have

x pingu

1 - you are hypersensitive to your baby's presence and will not roll on them (unless you are drunk in which case don't test this theory).

2- I co-slept for about a month then moved DD to a cotbed and it worked seamlessly.

You cannot spoil a small baby, tell your mum to butt out. You can't overfeed a bf baby, she's just trying to get your milk supply at the right level and my DD fed almost continually for the first six weeks so I know how frustrating/exhausting it can be. Bugger the basket if you ask me.

You are doing great, keep it up! I'm still bfing DD at nearly nine months and she's on the 99th percentile so it can be done even with the hungriest little monkeys!

You won't roll over on her. Breastfeeding mothers have been filmed co-sleeping, and they all assume the same position: on their side curled around the baby, though not necessarily touching her. If you find that your dp sleeps facing her then he's probably also aware of her presence. If he tends to sleep with his back to her he may not be as aware of her presence.

You cannot spoil such a young baby. ATM she has not yet 'woken up' from being inside you. She is used to cuddles and food being available 24/7 and to smelling and tasting you 24/7. Co-sleeping is a wonderful way of easing the transition from complete togetherness to being two separate people. IMO the place for a newborn is in, on, or near to a loving person.

You cannot overfeed a bf baby. Right now you are creating the fit between your milk supply and her needs. Your body is adapting to her needs. The best way to ensure that you make as much as she needs is to let her have as much as she wants, whenever she wants it.

If you want to teach her to go to sleep on her own, do that when you're not feeding. Try perhaps not to feed to sleep during the day. Let her doze on the sofa next to you, while you stroke her to sleep so that she develops other sleep cues as well. If she goes down well in teh basket from time to time, then do that as well. In a few weeks time, as she begins to space out her feeds, you can start thinking about sitting up to feed duirng the night. No need to worry about that right now.

Enjoy your wonderful baby.

my answers are no, no, no and no

you're doing fab, ignore the twats

-Is it dangerous to have babies in bed with you? Not if you exclusively breastfeed and don't drink, smoke, take/do drugs

-can you spoil such a small baby? ( my mum is doing my head in with this) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's spent 9 months inside you completely attached to you and feeding/drinking on demand whenever she has wanted to. Now you've moved the umbilical cord 6 inches!

• also, can you overfeed a bf baby? (also hearing this from do-goooders who can't believe how much she is feeding) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With your nipple right at the back of her throat when she's full the gag reflex will kick in and she'll take herself off.

• Should I insist that she is goes back into her basket?
  What on earth for? If you are both happy then stay happy. You can change that later. For now... feed your baby, stay close to your baby and bond. You are doing exactly what I advise my clients to do. Good on you. Enjoy your babymoon!

Ah... now a quick point about the sofa. It's not safe to co-sleep on a sofa.

Also, no pillows around her or duvets over her.

..and once they roll over - either get a bed rail or put them in their own bed. Otherwise you wake to 'thump arrrrgggh' in about seven months time.

The downside I found of being supersensitive to my babies presence was that I didnt' get into a proper sleep, so was more tired than I needed to be for a new mum. With both babies they started off each night in basket, then when they woke for a feed I would put them in with me and we both snooze off during feed, then if I woke up I would put them back, fast asleep and full tummy, in basket. If I didn't wake up they would stay in with me.
Also, DS1 was xmas baby, I just couldn't relax knowing he was half under the big winter quilt so he was put back in basket more than his may time brother.
I didn't get accused of 'overfeeding' but DS2 did become known as Hungry Horace!

pingu...it sounds like you are doing a great job. the feeding will settle down, in the meantime keep it up you're doing great.

do the co-sleeping, you will get some much needed rest, and then enjoy your LO much more!

Completely agree with Pretty Candles about IF you do want to teach her to sleep in her basket, do it in the daytime, when you are awake and in the right frame of mind to do it.

Personally, I think it's a good idea to put her in the basket for one or two naps during the day, so she CAN sleep without you, but by all means co-sleep at night if it makes the feeding easier to manage. Swaddling may help make her feel more secure, and make it easier for you to put her down.

There's no rush, but it sounds like you won't be that comfortable with co-sleeping for ever, so having a vague plan about getting her in the basket / cot can be make you feel better about accepting the situation for now.

In the meantime though, just go with the flow and do whatever you need to do to make life easier for the two of you. You won't spoil her at this age and there's plenty of time for all that later.

My God Daughter was very similar at that age, and her Mum went witht eh flow for about 2-3 months, then made an effort to get her into the cot during the day, though would still co-sleep after the night feeds. It took her about a week of using the 'shush pat' method in the Baby Whisperer book to get her into the cot in teh day time, and stopped co-sleeping at night at about 4 months, as she fed less and would go back down very easily.

There's no rush for any of this though, but I thought you might be interested to know how she moved on from your situation. Obviously if your happy with co-sleeping, then carry on!!!

I think at 2 wks its Ok to Co sleep like you are, I did but I started to put him back in his basket after a feed/winding around about 3 weeks . He is 14 weeks now and expects to go back into his cot after a night feed, I'm so glad as I think cosleeping is too exhausting for mum after the new born stage.
Don't think she is feeding too much though and you really can't spoil them at that age.

However I used to let him sleep on my chest during the day and I did find that a bit of a tough one to break, if I let him still do it now I would'nt be able to breathe, he's a big baby!!

hi pingu, i'm a co sleeper and went thru the same anxieties/questions.
it works for us and dd (10 mths) she usually starts off in her cot, but comes in with us when she needs a feed. i find it easier as i just drop off to sleep whilst she feeds. we've been doing it since she was a wee thing and havent had any problems.
last night, she slept right thru!!!!! so please dont think you'll be 'making a rod for your own back' one of my most hated phrases that people used!

these links were sourced and put on other threads, so i cant take any credit for them hth

co sleeping stuff

more co sleeping stuff!

I've co-slept with mine and am currently doing so with ds2. I don't believe you can spoil a baby at all. I don't think it's dangerous if you don't smoke etc, you won't squash the baby you have an awareness of where they are. I don't believe you can over feed a bf baby, mine feeds lots and at night still but he needs it. I wouldn't worry about the co-sleeping, if you want to do it just go ahead

IME babies feed incessantly. It doesn't seem to do them any harm but can be tough on the nipples. I found it easier once I stopped worrying about it.

it is not dangerous to sleep with your baby as long as you follow a few simple pieces of advice. this website encapsulates a lot of the answers that you are looking for. and answers a few questions you have not yet asked.

The links at the bottom of the page are awesome and could give you a lot of night time reading.

The more pertinent question may one day be: is cot sleeping really safer than co-sleeping.
this is a handy article about that question

So nice to read for a change people loving BF baby right round the clock and co-sleeping with them. Point about the duvet -we put DS at side of me (not dad) and take duvet right down under him, but still over the two of us. Also, sleeping bags for babies in winter is good way of not having your duvet over them and again, turn yours down underneath. Agree with all other threads - not dangerous if you do it properly (beautiful in fact, co-slept with first and still doing so with second - sometimes DS1 still comes in during middle of night and we have 4 in the bed!) Can't overfeed and BF babies will nurse round the clock / almost constantly when little and sometimes when older. You sound like you know anyway what your instincts say you should do - enjoy little one. Good luck. PS: be firm but kind with people offering unwanted advice - they soon learn not to bother!!

I co-slept w/ ds2 until he was 7 months old. He did naps in an Amby bed and has just transitioned nicely into a crib, altho still in our bedroom. I do think he had started nursing more frequently b/c it was so convenient, hence the new arrangements.

Good luck and cograts on your new baby!

A word of warning - I started out co-sleeping as it was so much easier. Ds is 11 weeks old and I love co-sleeping so much (despite the Darth Vader noises he makes some nights) that I have made no effort to get him into his cot and DH has been relegated to the spare room while I spend my nights tucked up happily with ds.

I'm not sure Dh is as chuffed with the status quo as I am !!

Looks like you've had lots of good advice
FWIW, on the transition to cot thing, we got dd to sleep in her cot in the daytime (not least becuase her older brother didn't want me to nap 3 times a day - when she was ok with this, we started settling her in her own cot at night, and bringing her in when she woke. She spontaneously is waking less and less and sleep ing all night in her own bed. She is 15 mths now, mind you
I didn't co-sleep with my first and really regret it - I love it, and haven't yet flattened her

Oh, yes, I have to admit dh got squeezed out at the end. There was just too much rolling around from ds2 and he was waking up when he bumped into us.

I have shared a bed with all of mine in turn and found that transferring them to their own beds was an easy process without tears once they were ready. They have never have nightmares and have rarely wet their beds either. I like to think that meeting their needs for closeness in the night adds to their later independence and security - at least this is my experience.

The research shows that breastfeeding mothers adopt safe sleeping practices automatically. There are some very interesting papers by James Mckenna and Helen Ball online if you google for them.

Read Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson - great book.

I now really enjoy breastfeeding at night as a relaxing and special time never to come again.

Thankyou all so much for your replies, they really help. I do worry that I would be setting myself up with a little bambino that wont be shifted from the bed in 3 years time but I've decided to just go with the flow for now......I quite like sleeping beside my DP and dont want to kick him out just yet!

Another question- if thats ok (sorry!)
My little one refuses to be out down unless she is in the deepest slumber. Now, while I love cuddling her, I simply can't get anything done and since she was born (2 weeks ago) I've been tied to the sofa every single night, while she has a 4 hour snack-athon! My dp isn't around to help all that much as he works alot, and although his mum has been here to help, she is going home tomorrow and my own family live miles away. I realised that I can't really carry on doing this, given that she really is snacking and not properly feeding, so I tried to put her in her basket for just 2 minutes and as per usual, she became hysterical. I decided to get a little firm and tried a dummy (she took it, but doesn't seem mad about it)and have left her to cry for 5 minutes. She is starting to calm down a little, but I feel rotten. Am I doing the right thing? I know I could try a sling, but I need a temporary solution as well, cos the house is a tip and I need just a 2 minute break!

Does anyone else leave them to settle themselves or is she too small?

Marslady, put of interest does is make a difference to the safety of co-sleeping if you mix feed or formula feed? Was having this discussion with a friend and we werent too sure.

Pingu Have you tried carrying your little one in a sling? This can keep him close while you can be free to move about and he'll often fall asleep in it.
Gradually over the next few months the feedings will space themselves out and get shorter. Your baby has only just emerged and will of course want almost continual handling to feel secure - this is perfectly normal, if a little overwhelming for a mother!
Try to simplify the rest of your life while you concentrate on getting breastfeeding well established - eat things you can cook very quickly, lower your standards -you and your baby are more important and a bit of dust won't harm anyone. If anyone cares about the mess let them clean up for you! This period of intensity will pass and then breastfeeding will actually make your life simpler.
Being stuck sitting or lying breastfeeding your baby will ensure you get the rest you need after giving birth.

agree with what bioncley said. lower your standards. he is now more than pleased i stuck with bf, even if at first it only means he never did a night shift.