Breastfeeding - problem after problem please help

[Cocopops2010]

Any advice welcome...
I posted a couple of weeks ago about how breastfeeding my 10 day old ds was incredibly painful and how I was getting very depressed. I had so many kind messages and they prompted me to seek breastfeeding support with my local midwives. They nearly sent me to A&E - I had a severe infection in both breasts and was given a week's course of antibiotics. Both nipples very badly damaged. So for a week I expressed as much as I could and mainly used formula, with the plan to go back to bf once nipples had healed.
When he was 3 weeks old I went to bf support at local midwife centre. He latched back on which was great. I had an aim to breastfeed once to twice a day and then use formula in between plus pumping, and then increase the number of breastfeeds.
I went to see midwives again a couple of days ago and had two very unsympathetic midwives who told me that I should not have stopped breastfeeding when my breasts were infected and that my plan to breastfeed a little until I got my confidence back was a bad one and that I should aim to bf every feed.
So yesterday I tried that with the result that I kept preserving when things were going wrong. Both nipples now badly cracked again. I am also very worried that I have thrush from the antibiotics. DS has some white marks in his mouth and my breasts hurt between feeding/expressing. I am going to see the doctor on Tuesday to get a swab for the thrush.
The thing is...should I keep going? I just don't know. I so wanted to breastfeed but essentially I haven't enjoyed the first few weeks with my ds because I've either been feeling very ill or in pain. If I do decide to keep going, would my original plan of feeding just a few times a day be a good one?
Any advice welcome.

In addition ds is very agitated after and during feeding (formula and bf) which I understand is a sign of thrush.

Do get checked at GP and well done for persevering!
So much of breastfeeding is about feeling your way along an trying to work out what works best.
When not bf all the time your supply may drop. However you need to weigh that against the risk of not bf at all if you get infections etc again!
Your plan to feed when comfortable sounds good, expressing will then help to protect your supply to some degree. Do seek advice from the breastfeeding helpline if you need more info on protecting your supply.
My view with bf support is that if someone tells you todo something that doesn’t work for you or hurts, they are wrong no matter how experienced they are.

Oh bless you.

Don’t wait for Tuesday, contact out of hours today and get meds for thrush. It can’t clear up until you get them.

Do you want to stop feeding? If so it’s fine. Equally there is nothing wrong at all with mix feeding.

Have you thought about nipple shields?

Thanks for your messages. I’ve seen a lactation consultant and been to a bf support group and to my local maternity unit. I can do it with someone helping me but when on my own it all goes to pieces. One of my nipples is badly cracked again and has turned yellow and I can see pus in the crack. I am going to see the GP today. I also can feel a hard lump in the other breast and I am worried I have an abscess. Since yesterday have been pumping and formula.

I really wanted to breastfeed for six months. That was my plan. With my birth plan etc I was very open minded but somehow I am fixated on breastfeeding. However I am becoming totally miserable again. My breasts hurt all the time, and I spent all of yesterday in tears.

When ds latches on I can feel his lower jaw chilling away into me and it’s so uncomfortable/painful. I wonder if it’s because my breasts are tender.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a failure that I cannot work out how to breastfeed.

I completely understand you wanting to BF for 6 months but you need to remember any time that you've BF is great and don't beat yourself up about giving formula. When I gave birth and afterwards was put in a ward with 3 other women and their babies I was the only one EBF. Your baby will be very well cared for either way 💐

I get where you're coming from. EBF was really important to me, DS was born with a serious tongue tie and unable to latch, he also had jaundice and was unable to feed through it so ended up with phototherapy and on formula. We paid privately to have his tie snipped as NHS wait was two months! But there was a ten day delay, my supply has never been enough and I've had to top up with formula, which was consistent and he seemed to be drinking well from the breast and nappies etc were like BF baby's. Now he's so hungry (6 weeks) and I'm having to up the formula to satisfy him, I've also had a nipplle infection and now have Reynaud s of the nipple, which is excruciating (do you get blanching after feeds?). I tried shields and his suck is so strong he was pulling his of nipple through the holes in the shield and I ended up with blisters and cuts, which then led to an infection.
My GP just days oh well some women just don't have the supply, it will dry up completely then you will have to use only formula. HV just says give him extra formula if he's hungry. Lactation consultant days BF all the time spend days at home skin to skin always offer both breasts (I've been doing all of this and not feel like a recluse) my supply isn't sufficient and my nipples hurt ask the time and I sometimes cry out when he latches. I don't want to FF because my niece is having all kinds of tummy trouble related to FF and DS had been fine with wind, no comments and LC said that'll likely be the effects of breast milk. I don't know what to do and I can't give you any advice I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

oh and expressing doesn't work for me at all, despite the top of the range all singing all dancing pump we bought ☹️

Nipple shields OP? To give you a little relief?

Thanks for all your kind messages. I unfortunately got mastitis again last week and again on antibiotics. I got very upset in GP’s office and she told me to stop breastfeeding as I was just making myself miserable. I am still breastfeeding once a day but apart from that it’s formula and whatever I manage to pump (normally one feed’s worth a day).
Although this is not what I hoped for, I feel much happier and the GP did me a favour with what she said.
@jasparkarat i’m so sorry and I feel for you. My baby is not particularly windy despite being 90% formula - i’m Sure different babies react differently. Something i’ve accepted is that it’s more important to feel well and happy. Your baby will be well fed whatever you decide. Don’t make yourself miserable - this is a special time. It’s taken me 5 weeks to realise this but it’s true.

Also @jasparkarat I saw a lactation consultant who also told me to breastfeed all the time to get supply up. Result - mastitis for second time in 4 weeks. You’ve got to do what’s right for you. And yes I did have nipple blanching two weeks ago so painful! Keeping them warm is important - I held one of those heated beanbag things on top of my jumper

I see you are mostly formula feeding now which is absolutely fine! I think I may have posted on your last thread but now mine are teens I remember less and less how long I BF for. You really couldn't have tried any harder and in the forthcoming years I promise you it won't feel as important as it does now

It sounds like you were making good progress on your recovery until you had interference. You were following your instincts and whilst you still weren't entirely where you wanted to be, it sounded like it was working for you. Go back to that.
Instincts will see you a long way through. And I would reiterate nipple shields as a way to protect your damaged skin.

If this is important to you, persevere! But persevere in a way that works for you. It's all very well someone telling you what you should do, but it has to be workable .

So much conflicting advice. What a time you've had. You're doing amazingly. Trust yourself! You'll get there!! X

Well done OP. It's a hard decision to make but it sounds like the right one. I was devastated to have to stop feeding DS1 at 6 weeks. I felt so guilty. But honestly it doesn't matter and it won't affect baby at all.

@JasperKarat
I had terrible blanching with both my DC. I battled on first time but researched like a mad woman second time.
Two things saved my BF - firstly keeping my boobs warm, but not so warm that you end up with over-supply. I was particularly bad after the shower so would keep a small towel on the radiator and cover them up immediately when I stepped out.
Second was a course of Nifedipine which is a medication for high blood pressure. It did make me a bit... florid but it 'cured' the blanching and made feeding DC2 an absolute dream.

Dr Jack Newmans fabulous info is reproduced here

Just a quick warning if you want to try supplements before turning to medication - overdosing on Magnesium can lead to horrible liquid poo for your baby & nappy rash. Sadly I made that mistake (sorry DS2)

I hope this helps x