ive bf for 45 weeks and one day and i cant go on [sad] any more

[dressedupnowheretogo]

my 10 and half mo lo is a darling very placid and loving well rounded and loves other peopl euntil its night time and i want to go sleep

she wont sleep before 10 she wakes at 2 for a double sided feed wakes again at some point just for a cuddle

and this is where the problem is coz i have bf i have fell asleep in bed feeding her so much we ended up co slepping and now she wont settle in her cot to go to sleep

awake or asleep as you put her down she startles and screams and screams and screms

so ive decided to stop bfing and let my dh take over the night feeds

so if any one has andy advice for second stage formula and routine and stuff we 'd be most grate ful

tia

thanks this is such a heart wrenching descion but if i dont stop i fear im gonna lose the plot all togethervvvvvvvv

You've done really really well for bfing for as long as you have, so don't be too hard on yourself (I only lasted single digits with both mine). Can't offer you any practical advice I'm afraid, but there will be someone along soon......

Hiya,

I'm sorry I dont have any advice for you really. Just to say that your little one sounds exactly just like my 11 month old.

Some people in RL look down on me for co-sleeping with her. But I know she needs it. And I know I dont have the strength to do what your about to do.

I really hope this all goes well for you. Let me know how it all goes (as I will have to do this to eventually).

Sending you big hugs.

Pink

My DD2 is the same age and I had to start offering water if she woke up before 5am. She was not impressed. She also goes thru stages of screaming but I think that is more teethiing or overtiredness.
It's taken a few weeks but

thankx girls

i just hope it does im already signed off work and on anti depressants i cant cope with this being even worse

You haev to give her time. It is learning something entirely new and mat take several weeks. if you can only put up with it for that long it will be better in the long run.

Ask m me how many times i've said that recently

I am weaning at 1 yr cos she keeps nipping me. but i really don't think she would let me switch to formula tbh.

boobylicious, i bet you're feeling you deserve some unbroken sleep by 10 months! it is PERFECTLY reasonable to not feed at night at this age, just get dh to settle and offer water. don't need to give up bf altogether, just no more night feeds.

must also say that ds never went to bed much before 8 or 9 and still aged 2 sleeps 9-6, so some children just do need less sleep. perhaps when he drops afternoon nap he'll sleep longer but i am not holding my breath.

oh poor you I have every sympathy.
do you have to give up during the day?

boobylicious.

FWIW, even at this age they go through phases and it might be she sorts it out herself. ds was waking 5-6 times at night for a bf for most of his first year, but then (almost literally overnight) sorted it out, was feeding 1-2 times max for a while and now, at just over 2, is a (usually) very reliable sleeper-through . He has also always had a late bedtime (9pm or later) - getting him off at 7, 7.30 is the stuff of dreams for us We had (still have) his cot next to our bed, which made life easier. So if you feel you can hang on, it might be worth it?

you don't need to give formula, or give up day feeds. i haven't i just refuse to feed at night.

also if she's your only child, put her in her own room. She may sleep thru better if she can't smell you, (in the milky sense of course
DD2 would be in her own if we had 3 beds, but she'll have to share with DD1 and can't put her in til she sleeps thru, and that's the only reason she's still in our room.

so just water at night and bf in morning wont that confuse her

We found that ds settled much better in his own room - in ours we disturbed him and he disturbed us. I was still feeding at about 2.30am until he was about 10.5/11mths - then just managed to phase this out naturally. Was still bf 2x per day at 22mths when gave up (still get accusing stares and comments of 'milk all gone' every now and then, luckily not in embarrasing situations so far... which was really the reason why I decided that it was time to stop when I did).

Dh never did night feeds, and now only gets up to deal with whatever situation there might be if I wake him up, which rather negates any advantage of him getting up in the first place.

Hang in there - it will get better, and don't think you've got to give up just because of the night feeds issue.

sorry she is in her own room but wont settle unless she fall asleep in our arms but mostly mine that was why we wondered about dropping the bf so she was losing the comfort thing maybe

i really need her to sleep too i cant go on like this im sat here bawling y eyes out ive just had enough

Ds went into grobags - available in summer weight too - I'm sure that these helped as was cuddled in bag on lap and then when transferred to cot no cold sheets or blankets and still feeling of containment. Might be worth trying?

Best of luck

Do you have a light show for the ceiling for her? This done the trick with mine.

tthanks mitslebut wealreay do that it does nt help

Feed her milk while she's more wakeful, then put her to bed awake. It's the only way she'll learn to fall asleep on her own. It will be hard tho. She wont be impressed by this sudden change but if you persist it should work.

She should be able to tell the difference between dark at night- no milk, light in the am- milk.

If you're worried it'll confuse her don't feed her at all in your bed. Get up to do the morning feed.

boobylicious i think the key here is to get your dh to put her to bed, no possible chance of milk there so she'll probably settle down far more easily than with you.

this worked amazingly well for us and dp was really pleased to have such a major responsibility (he's not so thrilled these days haha). last evening feed on sofa and wave them off upstairs while you relax.

Have you tried or thougth about controlled crying? I would recommend Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.

YOu clearly cannot go on like this. She has made sleep associations between being held and fed, and that would be fine if you weren't suffering so much. As it is, she will need to form new sleep associations.

Then you can breastfeed during the day if you want. A morning and evening feed can go on for months if you want.with extra ones at weekend if you like.

thank you all

booby I reached a similar point of desperation with my dd 3 weeks ago, she is 10 months. I decided it was really a sleep issue and not a bf issue and i really want to get to at least a year with the bf.

So we did controlled crying - she really could not go to sleep any other way than being fed by me so however I stopped doing this was going to involve some crying. It was quite hard but now i can feed her at bedtime, read her a story and then out her in her cot and she goes to sleep on teh rown and sleeps through till 6.30.

oops- put her in her cot and she goes to sleep on her own and sleeps through till 6.30.