Do I want to exclusively breast feed?!

[birdybirdbird]

Hi, long story short, I’m looking for opinions/experiences to help me decide if I want to try and get to the point of EBF.

Little one is nearly 5 weeks old and feeding has not been an easy ride with a c-section, my own MH issues, bad latch, weight loss... I’m stuck on a feed, pump, pumped milk top up, formula top routine. I’ve had supply issues but I think it’s beginning to go up a little (based on amount I’m pumping). He had a mild tongue tie snipped last week BUT latch is still often painful. I think he’s feeding more effectively - certainly more deep gulping on some feeds. We’ve both got thrush. Night time feeds are often horrendous and I usually end up in tears frustrated at myself for being useless and the baby for being difficult. I’ve had a private lactation consultant which improved things for 2 days but it didn’t ‘stick’. Just neither of us seems to get it. It feels like dancing - I just don’t seem to be able to follow the steps without massively over thinking it and am just very physically awkward the whole time. My husband is super supportive of what ever I want to do. We don’t have any other support locally, family either far away (his) or a nightmare (mine).

I’m currently stuck between:
Do I sacrifice 2 weeks (plus??) of being completely focussed on breast feeding to try and up supply and get it fully established ? I worry about the impact if this on my mental health - routine helps me a lot. The last 2 weeks I’ve been able to help around the house, do some cooking, go out for a walk with baby and I’m feeling really good.
OR
Accept I’ll combo feed and try to get a routine of this (rather than doing breast, expressed, formula, pump at every single feed)? This would also impact my mental health. I know I’ll struggle with guilt of this. I’d feel selfish that I’m taking the easy option and like I’ve failed at this ‘natural’ thing all mums can do.

So, opinions? Advice? What would you do? I know it’s my decision at the end of the day but right now I’m completely stuck between the options.

Personally combi feeding helped me e enormously . Getting upset will just upset your baby so that's no good.
Enjoy your bonding time, bf when you enjoy it and ff when say it's night time etc and you can't manage easily bfing without added stressfulness

Give yourself permission to do what you need to do. I have been in the pump/feed/formula cycle and it’s no fun.

With DS1 I elected to pump. We just couldn’t get direct feeding to work. He had what I could express and formula the rest of the time.

With DS2 we are breastfeeding but I can’t face my pump again so he has a bottle of formula each evening when my tank is running low!

Choose what works for you - no judgement here. Happy mum makes for a happy baby.

What do you think would be best for your MH? It sounds like combination feeding might be the best thing for you and at some point cutting out the pumping so you either BF or FF each feed on a fixed routine. Only you can make the decision but it's not a failure whatever you decide, it's really common to have problems with breastfeeding after a difficult birth or a caesarian.

I got myself in a similar situation to you. You described it perfectly when you said breastfeeding was like a dance that neither you nor the baby knew the steps of. It’s tough. I didn’t have a section or any other issues I just found it extremely hard. I also saw the lactation expert. Nothing she said worked or my bsbyvwoukd sleep right through the session. I found myself dreading each feed. The baby would spit most of my nipple out after 5 mins. He would feed for hours (like 6+) and I ever knew if it was because he was suckling or not latching. When I started to get depressed and crying every day I knew I had to stop. I have been combing pumped milk and formula for almost 15 weeks and it’s going well. For me making a decision and having a strategy to move forward helped rather than feed him every way possible. I’m not sure how long I’ll keep pumping but it’s worked so far.

You just need to do what feels right for you and your family. What I will say about mixed feeding is that it is hard to get information on it as all guidance relates to exclusively breastfeeding. I’m just making it up as I go along!

It sounds like we’ve had similar experiences, right down to the thrush. I’ve just hit week 8 and am still struggling with this conundrum!

I’ve pretty much given up on pumping as I never got much out of it and, as my little one will still only sleep on a person, I can only pump when there’s someone else around to hold her.

My partner now does formula feeds between 8pm and midnight while I breastfeed the rest of the time with an occasional top up bottle if I feel as though she is still super hungry. Having those few hours ‘off’ has really helped my MH, even if I don’t always manage to sleep during them, sometimes I just treat myself to a cheeky glass of wine!

It’s hard work and I would cheerfully give up the ‘food’ aspect of breastfeeding but when we have a good session I realise how much I would miss the bonding. It’s so hard to work out what to do for the best.

I’ll echo what the PP said about finding info on mixed feeding though. Everywhere seems to assume you’ll choose one or the other so it’s hard to find good advice.

I’ve found it helpful to set myself little goals. I’m aiming to reach 12 weeks using this method and then reassess. I’m hoping the thrush clears up before then as that is definitely impacting the quality of the feeds.

Sorry for the essay! I hope some part of it is helpful to you.

Thanks everyone. It’s really helpful to see other people’s experiences of similar issues.
I went to a breast feeding drop in yesterday and they suggested getting some prescription medicine to up my supply. Taking this as confirmation that it is indeed low. Have previously had a few ‘hmmms’ when mentioning how much I manage to get through pumping and fact he ALWAYS needs a formula top up but no one seems keen to suggest there might actually be a problem. Not sure if I want to go that route but I’m currently thinking that I’ll need to up my supply even to combo feed. Obviously the ideal would be to BF or FF, not having to do both at every feed, and he’s never been satisfied after just a breast feed. I don’t actually mind pumping, except for fact that it’s sometimes very disheartening to see how little I get.
It’s just so hard to get definitive answers! Everyone assumes I just want to get to EBF and offers very little suggestion about anything else. Just lots of ‘it’s early days, keep going’. Five weeks of 10 feeds a day, with a lot of latching attempts at each one doesn’t feel like ‘early days’...!