Really keen to bf Dc2 after complete failure with dd1 - ver scared though :(

[HonorMatopoeia]

Hi all,
This is quite early to be posting I suppose (I'm 21 weeks pg) but I want to try and get my head sorted asap. To cut a very long and boring story short I tried extremely unsuccessfully to bf Dd1. I'm very keen to succeed with this baby but find myself almost traumatised by the whole birth and failed feeding of Dd1. Does that make sense? Has anyone got any ideas about what I could do to prepare myself and give this one a chance? I've bought a book or two but really feel I need to 'talk it through' with someone who'd understand. Thanks x

see if your hospital runs an antenatal breast feeding class and go to it - if not try the next hospital I am sure they would have you - these classes are usually drop in type things. Read as much as you can about breast feeding. What was it that went wrong last time? Did you get enough support? there are breast feeding counsillors out there - make contact with them early. If it was that DD1 wasn't very keen or didn't latch on well to begin with you might find that this baby is completely different. Some babies do latch on well from the beginning and others need more time.

Not sure whether this will help, but I would have appreciated honest facts rather than the rose tinted stories that often get told! My third child is 10 weeks old and happily breastfeeding.

The pitfalls that I think you need to be aware of are that with 2nd and subsequent children, it is common to get after pains whilst breastfeeding as your womb tries desperately hard to contract following the birth. Hot water bottles and paracetamol can help, and the pains should go within a couple of weeks.

The other problem I encountered that almost made me give up is the pain of sore nipples as the feeding starts, again this was just in the first couple of weeks for me. This is mainly as a result of the baby not latching on correctly. Your midwife can advise. If latching on is hard to do sucessfully, take the baby off and try again until there is no pain - it may be a traumatic 5 minutes of trying, but it will be worth it to avoid the pain! I can also recommend a fantastic cream to help with sore nipples called Lansinoh - its expensive but well worth it, and it goes a long way.

I almost gave up after a couple of weeks as the pain and discomfort was so bad, but I continued and still going strong at 10 weeks. I am delighted to say it is now a pleasure and a delight to feed my daughter.

Not only do I feel so proud to have stuck it out, knowing that I have given Poppy the best possible start, but going out is a breeze compared to bottle feeding, no prep! Night time feeds are totally hassle free and she feeds before she even has a chance to cry - not possible if the bottle has to be warmed etc... Not to mention it helps the baby weight come off quicker!

Best of luck - hope it works out for you - it will be so worth it......

Don't know much but if there is any chance of affording it, a postnatal doula might be something to think about. I would have saved myself so much angst having someone just there to show me. it wasn't until i dragged myself to a hospital bf clinic that i even knew what I was aiming for.

i felt a failure for not feeding ds1 preperly. i successfully breastfed dc2 and dc3. this is what i did.
1 i made sure there was absolutely NO bottles, formula, sterilisers or anything of the sort in the house.
2 made sure everyone knew that was what i wanted to do
3 had mymom and dad, and sisters over to stay, (i know this is osmething that wouldnt work for most people, but at that time, in that place it was what i needed) mom was totally in charge of the house, i got called down to eat propler balanced meals! though this was the case only with dc2, not 3

4 lansinoh cream,
5 nipple shields, absolutley essential. non negotiable
6 a very strong desire to do this and succeed at it, even though it was hard hard work the first two weeks. after that it was a breeze.
with dc3 i just kept telling myself it would be fine if i could get to two weeks and then it would be easy. it wasnt. with her it took three weeks before it was easy. but it did happen.
also, i didnt have any expectations of going out etc. stayed at home knowing that i was doing the job of keeping the child nourished, and was doing it well. the lack of bottles in the house coupled with the babies look of health showed me that i was. also, i was very firm in my decision to breasfeetd, and the hv knw this, so didnt suggest i give her a bottle when i had sore nipples.
hope that makes sense
lots of luck

Honor... the suggestion of a postnatal doula is a good one. However, you can get in touch with www.abm.me.uk or www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk

Thank you so much for all your suggestions . I think last time the midwives were run off their feet and they were purely concerned with Dd latching on, which she did very well but then just 'came off' again and latched on agaon and over and over and over again. I'd just had an exceedingly traumatic emergency c section after a normal start to labour and was in agony every timeshe latched on as my scar felt it was about to come open at the seams so to speak!
Post nataldoulas sound fantastic but I'm not sure we could afford one,will look into it though. I'm going to ask my midwife at my next antenatal appointment if there are any nearby classes - can you go before you have baby then?I had no idea!
Thanks for the links marslady, I'm going to have a look now.

Oh Bum! I seem to be in breastfeed support network support free zone . Have discovered a fairly near LaLeche League group though so thank you!

Excellent. Now whereabouts are you? If you look at a postnatal doulas www.doula.org.uk then think about a trainee. They may have more experience than you think. Also... surestart may have some doulas on board.

Honor, some of what you said in your OP sounds so familiar.

I didn't have the CS or traumatic birth but did have problems BFing DD. I persevered for a couple of months but every feed was a nightmare for one reason or another (either failure to latch on, sore nipples etc).

When I was expecting DS I knew I wanted to give BF a go again but didn't really expect it to be altogether successful however it was completely different and it worked.

I think you just need to remember that all babies are different and all have different entrances into the world, some more difficult than others (DD was jaundiced which didn't help as it made her sleepy).

I also found that nipple shields were a great temporary measure and also recommend Lansinoh (sp?)

Good luck

Mars,I'm in worcestershire, will check out the doula website, have absolutely noworries about a trainee - they have to know more than me!
Hi Betty ,I'm really hoping this baby has a general easier entrance into the world. I think I was just in a very bad place mentally when Dd was trying to feed. It shows how naive I a about all things breastfeedy when I can admit to having never even seen a nipple shield! I have a lot to learn

I had a nightamre with DS1, but was fine with ds2, and am now doing dd1 with no probs at all - it may well be OK this time.

I'm really hoping so BBBT!
Can I ask amoney related question? The doula website doesn't mention any type of range of cost. Does anyone have a ball park figure?

i agree re nipple shields - couldn't feed at all without them. Only now with dd at 11 weeks am i starting to get by without them, but in the meantime, they have enabled me to get bf established. my supply has never suffered because of them, by the way.

Honor like you I wasn't successful at feeding DS1. I found it so hard to get him latched on. I don't think I managed myself once when we were still in hospital. So when I finally did him latched on I was too scared to take him off even when it was really painful. The result of this were really cracked and painful nipples. Every time he was feeding I was crying and I dreaded him waking up. The only thing my midwife said to me was 'they look really painful' which didn't really help me. At 2 weeks I stopped. It didn't really bother me at the time but as time passed I really wished I was still breastfeeding.

So like you when DS2 came along I was determined to do it no matter what. When DS2 was born however, I just found it so much easier right from the start. I think a big part of it was I was so much more confident and comfortable handling a newborn. It was so much easier to latch him on and if it was painful I would take him off and start again. I did still have painful nipples for the first 6 weeks but not to the same degree as DS1.

So it's great that you're getting yourself prepared but every baby is different so try not to get too worried about it. It might just work out better from the start. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and good luck.

Oh forgot to say I second those who've said lansinoh cream. Also lansinoh breast pads are really good - they don't stick to your nipples if they do get a bit tender.

I want to tell you a positive story. I BF DS1 for 4 months and hated every moment of it ( well that bits not that positive)

I remember it being an absolute nightmare, he wouldn't latch on, he fed all the time, he cried alot, it hurt, I was embarassed about feeding in public. He didn't hardly feed at all for the first week and was almost re-admitted to hospital with jaundice etc etc. I was depressed the whole thing was traumatic and I was so worried about having ds2 and feeding again because of this.

I had DS2 almost 3 weeks ago and pre-birth I was all prepared to bottle feed if necessary. Decided I wasn't going to stress myself out about it. I had DS1 to think about. Would try my best to BF but if it didn't work wouldn't beat myself up about it.

HOWEVER, DS2 was born and seriously within 5 mins of coming out and lying on my chest he wormed his way to my boob and started feeding!!!!!!! He fed nicely from being born!!! It didn't hurt!!! Now almost 3 weeks on, he is feeding brilliantly, I am thinking BF can be sooo easy. I cannot tell you how different it is from my first experience. So just wanted to say that your second time attempting it could be completely different.

Thank you for your positive experiences rozzy and gegs . It is great to hear that second time round can be so different!

I think that the best thing that you can do to ensure that the baby will feed well initially is to have prolonged skin to skin contact with it as soon as possible after the birth, especially if it has been a caesarian or a traumatic birth. By this i mean for about 45 mins - an hour of skin to skin, if baby has to be checked, weighed etc then put it straight back on to you afterwards. Don't stress if it doesn't feed straight away just enjoy a long cosy cuddle and they often just get on with it themselves afterwards.

If you think a postnatal doula may be the way to go (there are plenty of other options as shown here), then what about seeing if people are interested in contributing to the cost ? I had to buy a present for someone with a second baby the other day, and found it tricky because after all she has everything already, but i didn't want to leave the poor little thing 'unpresented' as it were.

I'm always advising people on MN to get cash off their relations - sorry

Hi honor, I'll give you any moral and/or hands-on support you want if you ask for it. (But won't push in either IYKWIM ).
I think you need to try and make lots of time with new one. If you end up with a csection do badger the midwives to help you lift and position baby (they are busy but that is their job!); if you manage the VBAC you will be home much earlier and that will help (plus lifting is easier).

Do talk to Kaz if you can. I'm sure she'll help with her prof knowledge. Also, another friend of ours (with a 3mo dd?KWIM?) has a colleague who is a voliunteer bf counsellor so I'd get her number and chat to her.

Speak soon mate. Hope E is better x

hi honor... trainee pn doulas are £10 per hour.

I think getting sassy's contact (bf counsellor friend) is a great idea. The best thing you can do is get the support in place before hand. I'd talk to the counsellor etc before going down the nipple shield route. It may well be that with the right information you won't need them. Also, do remember that this is a different experience and there's no reason for it to be like the first.

Thank you so much for your support ladies I'm beginning to feel I may actually be able to do this!
Hi Sassy, had no idea we 'knew' a bf counsellor, that could be very useful indeed and you're right, Kaz will hopefully be a mine of information.
Trainee doulas don't sound so bad so that's another route to consider.

honor...lovelymarslady at aol dot com