Breastfeeding in public

[ShowOfHands]

Okay, I am all for breastfeeding in public, so much so that it's something I would wave a placard about in an appropriate context. Whilst pregnant I dreamt of sitting in Costa with a nice Earl Grey and a piece of cake, discreetly bf a beautiful milky newborn (when not dreaming of giving birth to 17lb monsters obviously). However, having given birth to the thankfully quite petite Mathilda I discover a previously unconsidered complication to this dream. My dd when suckling sounds like an emphysemic, dehydrated, toothless old man sucking on a rusty tap. If she's not sucking like a baby deprived she's honking, snorting, squeaking, sighing or farting.

So, aficionados of public breastfeeding I ask you this: once the baby is discreetly shoved up floaty top, how do I stop the crowds gathering, pointing and wondering why I'm feeding a piglet instead of a baby?

Oh lots do that on bottles though.Seriously, noone cares or is bothered. Really.
Wondered how you are geting on Fannie. All ok?

ROFL - I was caught short in local library - thankfully found the computer room empty save for one old dear learning spreadsheets. 6-weeks DS latched on, guzzlingm grunting, and making audible 'glink, glink, glink' sounds as he swallowed. After five minutes old dear says, "Well, that's certainky going down well!"

When ds1 was 3 weeks old dh and I went to see the final of the uk scrabble tournament. Found the tube was a nightmare with a pushie so we missed the first 2 games which the same guy won. Then ds1 and I got chucked out the third game because ds1 was feeding so noisily and they wouldn't let us back in mid-game lest we disturb their concentration. The same guy won for the third time, so that was it we had to head home without me having seen anything.

yes everything is ok (so far) thanks Moondog - was quite pleased with myself when DS3 was still less than a week old and I'd gone to Morrisons with him - he woke up as we got there so had a coffee in the cafe and sat in a nice quiet corner.........but then he woke again as I was finishing my shopping and not really wanting to pay for another drink in the cafe found the next available seat to sit on........right in the entrance foyer of the Supermarket

glink, glink, glink.....perfect description of the noise

hi trinity, long time - how's your sweet little gecko?

An old fella leaning on a farm gate o'er yonder, he just told me there's a strange story that somewhere near Narch, a woman has grown six nipples, and is feeding a whole litter of little piggies. Apparently the noise is deafening when she's in Costa Coffee and drowns out the coffee machine!

Scrabble tornament??? were you really missing that much?

my ds is a slurper too. also, at 5 and a bit months, he has perfected the art of pulling of the breast at the slightest distraction (could actually be the sound of your wee girl grunting over her food over the way in Norfolkshire) and spraying milk all over his face, which he thinks is hilarious!

(Mathilda - lovely name, btw )

dimpled thighs once breast fed a piglet, she loves animals.

I meant to say dimpledthighs once breastfed a piglet, she really does love animals.

How does one see what is happening at a scrabble tournament? I was picturing a sort of Crucible setting a la the snooker but surely you wouldn't see the long and clever words being put together. Do people wander round and gaze down at the board? Is there some sort of big screen for everybody to watch?

Note to self: spending too much time worrying about logistics of scrabble tournaments and viewing pleasure = sleep deprivation.

Boco I wish I had six nipples, the ones I've got have seen better days. I'm hoping I'll grow a replacement pair after I've finished feeding my noise bag daughter.

While we're on the subject of breastfeeding, which sadist invented cluster feeding? I do so want to leave the bloody house.

lov your description... sounds like my dd!!!who at 7 months sounds the same! she hasnt got any quieter... i dont really notice it now though... other people do but hey! am in norfolk too... the place where breastfeeding considered abnormal/immoral/dysfunctional/dirty/weird/unecessary at the best of times let alone when its interupting someones coffee. Costa coffee is my place of choic for exposing myself and feeding my piglet... staff are very nice and have been really helpful when i've dived in and dumped my stuff to feed without even ordering. when dd2 was 6 weeks old i was is a tizz... stopmed into costa dragging dd1 with me... whipped out boob for a distressed dd2 and nice staff lady offered me a coffe and made a kiddiechino for dd1 free of charge!
by the way, wait till your piglet has a cold and can barely breathe when breastfeeding...thats noisy and messy...milk spurting everywhere!

Yellowbean, pleased to meet you. I heard there was another breastfeeder in Norfolk. I think it was 'I ha' sin anutha weird un round these parts' muttered by a disgusted onlooker that alerted me to your existence. Everybody else is a farmer or a tractor.

Hoorah for Costa, they're very accommodating!

you know that people talk about us dont you. i met my local mp and asked him to support the bills on breastfeeding... he said he couldnt posibly and muttered something about not wanting to encourage militant breastfeeding. i refuse to feel intimidated about public breastfeeding and have chose to see it hilarious that my dd makes everyone stare at us on a daily basis!

Militant breastfeeding? Do you drive a tank? Are you a regimental sergeant major? Does your child answer you with a petrified 'sir no sir'? Your mp sounds like a twit.

Like you, I am pleased to be a spectacle.

LOL at you strange english women

i'm a militant breastfeeder! i breastfeed militantly! we have the first morning's "roll call" feed, where dh plays the revaille, then we have the mid-morning "parade" feed.

@ your mp. what a twunt.

he! he!

piggy noises are sooo cute.

much love to all bf mums!

who is your MP anyway??
name names please

Will you please stop making me laugh I'm waking up my own piglet.
I'm so glad the noises he makes are normal though. Is the pulling off with indignant hacking cough normal as well? The incredibly loud gulps and slurps? (He gets that from his daddy, who noisily slurps his tea!)

ShowofHands, what a fabulous thread!! This has really made me laugh! Not just because of your description which is wonderful, but also because my ds did just this, although his animal noise of choice was a donkey, followed by some rather odd heavy breathing. But hey, now he's 13 months old and swalking like a parrot. Who cares! I don't think we should be making excuses for our beautiful, happy and contented children. If people don't like it, they can go elsewhere. Not sure if I'd be quite as bullish if confronted, but that's my opinion under the heavy disuise of mumsnet.....x

i love this thread, makes me laugh!
mp is bellingham if i'm allowed to name names!? coughing, slurping etc, all normal. my dd grunts at me when she finishes a feed, moans and looks at me as if i've been forcing it down her trap, then sits up with milk dripping off her chin and, just in case anyone in earshot hadn't heard her troughing, smacks her lips VERY loudly. after a few mins when i feel safe all the embarrasmet is at an end she belches at full volume! She's fab!

Love that this is still going, very giggly thread.

My personal piglet is more a pig in terms of the amount he feeds rather than the noise. he does love to expose me while feeding in public though, just grabs my top and lifts. Suppose he can't see what's going on if I have clothes in the way, he might miss something exciting! Poor old bloke opposite me on the train today was staring at his book and trying to avoid getting an eyeful