Will I regret giving up??

[Confused09876]

Hello,

I’m not a regular poster on here but I’m short of people to get advice from on this topic so thought it was worth a shot. Apologies for the long post!

Four days ago I gave birth to my first little girl. Unfortunately shortly after birth she was diagnosed with a heart defect and is now in hospital on an intensive care unit (due an operation to make her better soon). We are obviously very worried about her and I have moved into the hospital to be with her until she is discharged (hopefully about a month).

Prior to her birth my plan was to breastfeed, however as she is so closely monitored in hospital now she cannot feed directly from the breast as they can’t be clear exactly how much she is taking and they need to monitor the amount. This means my only option is to pump milk, which I have been attempting but only managing to get very small amounts which are increasing.

As the amount I am pumping is so small (15ml per pumping session at the moment), the hospital are also topping her up with formula. Both breast milk and formula is being fed through a tube rather than a bottle.

My midwife has advised that for me to get my breast milk established I need to pump every 3 hours. The hospital will only accept milk in specific containers which attach to mendela pumps that are available in the hospital. The hospital has these pumps for use but it means I have to go downstairs, find someone who is at reception, sign it out, wait them to find it, take it upstairs to the ward, use it, return it, sign back in, fill in sticker for milk and refrigerate in special fridge blah blah. All of this whilst nurses and doctors come in and out.

I’m at a position now where after three days of pumping I just feel like giving up. I feel like my daughter is already on half formula, she’s not drinking it from the breast or even tasting it and it’s just another thing for me to worry about when I’m so worried about the condition my daughter has been diagnosed with. My question is I guess... is it worth this hassle now and should I carry on trying? Will I regret giving up my milk supply, has anyone had a similar experience or got any advice or motivation?

Xxx

If my baby had fed every 3 hours I’d never have had any milk. He literally fed every half an hour and would cluster feed for hours on end to get the milk supply established. I’m no expert but would say you need to pump much more frequently.

Whether it’s worth it depends how important you think it is to bf. I thought it was very important so in your situation would persevere. It’s totally your decision though.

Its about weighing up the pros and cons for a very illogical situation. I know mums who have clung to pumping as a way of providing for the baby in a way that doctors can't and mums who can't deal with the strain of a LO in NICU and pumping.

Either way, be kind to yourself. Wishing your LO a successful surgery and recovery

Well first of all, congratulations on your new LO and some flowers for her being in ICU.

Regarding BF, if you give up you will regret it, and if you struggle on you will regret it. Also if you give up you will feel you made the right decision for the circumstances you are in, and you will be proud if you keep going.

Things are never black and white, there is rarely a clear cut argument for just one path, you just need to take it day by day and “get over rough ground lightly”

The one piece of advice I will give you is, your sweet DD needs you to be the best mother you can be. The way to do that is to give yourself some priority in the mix, if you are on your knees you cant parent as well. As they say on the airlines, put your oxygen mask on first and then help your children.

Thank you everyone. It’s nice to get some different perspectives and to take a step back a little. I think we’re going to try for one more day to see if I can produce more milk and if not I’ll stop putting the pressure on myself x

I hired a pump from the hospital so I had it whenever I needed it. You can hire from medela too. You are in the very early days of expressing. Your supply will increase if you keep it up. I couldn't manage breastfeeding (triplets) but I'm still expressing at 13 weeks and feeding a mix of formula on breast milk. I don't pump overnight anymore either just last thing and first thing. Expressing is s faff though so do whatever is right for you.

Breastfeeding is different for everyone. I exclusively fed my DD and DS for 18 months, but the most I ever managed to pump was 30 ml, with a pump. My best friend could literally use a baby bottle and just manipulate her breast and could fill it to 60 mls in about 2 minutes! My gran had so much milk 60 years ago that she used to feed my mum then pump bottles to take to the hospital for special care babies.

The first few days of feeding are almost always difficult whilst your breasts work out what to do. Your flow may become much better in a few days or it may always be slow. I would carry on for a week or so more, just to give it a chance but if it gets too tough, don't even worry at all about giving up if you need to.

You are doing a magnificent job even having done a few days producing breast milk for your DD. I hope her operation goes well and congratulations to you.

I BF for 17 months and honestly in your situation I would be changing to a different method of feeding. Expressing never worked for me and I never produced much more that 30ml after a hard slog to get it.

I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a frank discussion with someone to get a better solution for you if you really want to BF. Perhaps infant feeding team or a peer supporter (all depends what support you have locally). There are 'rules' in place at your hospital which are making you not want to continue, rather than the actual pumping and that's pretty poor. I get that they want majority of feeds to be by tube but will they let you try to get baby to feed so you can experience it even once/ might stimulate milk a lot better than a pump. Obviously baby's health is priority and it could be due to a need for very close fluid monitoring that they need to be so strict on fluid input/output. It sounds like your milk is just about coming in and you may see an increase in next day or so.

A good place for local support is a local fb group for breastfeeding mums. There will be so many mums that have been through the same emotions at your specific hospital and can tell you their story. Another option could be donor milk (again if it's of particular importance to you0.

Finally...please please don't feel like its not ok to switch. Don't think of it as giving up, its just the next chapter. Your baby has had lots of the lovely colostrum and the number one priority is her health and your health. My beautiful niece went to SCBU and had formula from very early on due to similar issues and she is absolutely perfect. Come 6 months old they shove anything in their mouth any way! It REALLY doesn't matter.

I pumped every 2 hours around the clock for 20 mins to establish my supply whilst my baby was in icu ( this reduced to a 10mins per pump ever since). I did this for 3 weeks until she was ok to have her tube removed and was able to learn how to latch. It was important to me as it made me feel I had a part to play in her care , as for the first few weeks of life she was being looked after by all the wonderful nurses.

The benefit of all the pumping was that i had lots of milk and i was able to freeze it. When my baby was discharged we would give her a defrosted milk once a day and i would pump off that feed. Meaning we had a good store and it was easier for me to have a break if needed.

The bottles the hospital have are axi feed bottle, we still use them for pumped milk as you can sterilse them. They sell for £1 a bottle on Amazon so if you ever need anymore just Google them.

11 months on we are still feeding - mostly expressed as I am back to work full time.

It was important to me to bf for personal reasons so it was worth all the messing about with the pumping, storing, labelling etc. However if it is not for you then don't feel pressured.

I would try building friendships with whoever signs in / out the pumps. You may find they can put a work around in for you so that you have regular access. Failing that, speak to the Infant feeding co-ordinator, tell them your situation and they may be able to help with a better solution regarding the pump.

I just wanted to give you the perspective from someone who has experienced this situation and continued.

Ps, three days in is really early. I was still using a syringe at the nipple. I think I didn't use a pump until day 3. But like I said you have to be strict and pump very often. I had the medela pump on the highest setting from the get go and pumped both breasts at the same time.

@mermaid36 any advice? X

My twins were born at 26+1, so I expressed for 12 weeks before getting them to feed direct from me.

My milk didn't come in until day 5, so I was only expressing dribbles and small amounts until then.

You do need to express every 3 hours, including through the night, at first.
It is a massive faff with bottles and labels in the hospital, but you should be able to borrow a pump from hospital without all the bother that you are going through. They should also have an expressing room, if you don't want to (or can't) pump at baby's crisis, so you can do it privately.

I would suggest speaking to their infant feeding lead and raising the issue of where to pump/pump availability.

Lastly, only you know whether you want to continue expressing. It's your decision and you need to do what is right for both you and baby in this situation.

14 weeks ago I had to establish breastfeeding without a baby suckling as she was severely jaundiced. I was advised to pump every 2 hours and it wasn't for a good 4/5 days that I was getting a decent amount. My baby had to have 28ml every 3 hours as prescribed by the peaditrician but was too tired to breastfeed. It was a good week before I could get 28mls. Prob more like 5-10 initially and then topped up with formula.

I think if you stick with it you may be surprised at the difference the next 48 hours or so brings to your expressed amounts. And drink loads of water by the way, that made a massive difference to my yield.

Whatever you decide I hope it all goes really well for you and your family.

I'd also make a massive fuss about the pump. That's not right. I had one to myself as I was expressing so regularly. We were readmitted a few times to various hospital wards and every one had access to a pump, usually (especially the children's a&he) one that wasn't being used much. They often had to find me the medela kit (in the plastic bag) from a different location.