Will it really be different the second time? Encouragement needed!

[cabasa]

I am due with dc2 shortly and although I really want breastfeeding to work this time, I am already getting worried that my feeding journey will be just like with dc1! Has anyone failed with bf the first time and then gone on to have success with 2nd, 3rd children etc?

Brief story of last time- DC1 born at nearly 38 weeks but small for dates. I had an elective c-section and after a brief (no skin to skin) cuddle, dc was taken down to scbu because of grunting and low birth weight (5lb). I didn't get another cuddle for 3-4 hrs but expressed colostrum and they gave that through a tube. For the next 8 days, I tried to bf but I don't think the latch was ever right even though several scbu nurses said it was?? I kept expressing (good milk supply) and they fed milk through nasal tube and I kept trying to bf. V. difficult though as dc was incredibly sleepy and I had no privacy whatsoever which I wanted while I got the hang of it!! On day 8, dc still seemed to be losing weight and I was desperate to go home so I decided to feed ebm with bottles. 2 days later, we went home and carried on with ebm. I tried dc at the breast a few more times but I had lost all confidence by then and just felt resentful to the baby for not bf'ing (probably a degree of PND there). Anyway, I expressed for 3 months and I know that is a great achievement. It's just that I know I won't have the time to express 6 times a day with a toddler around this time.

I would really appreciate anyone's stories, thoughts, ideas etc

Find out about NCT and LLL bf help in your area before the event maybe. Check out their webistes and line up some support that you can call in/go and see once your LO is born. Congrats btw.

My sister had problems with her first as she wouldn't latch on. In the end she had to give up breastfeeding and combine formula with EBM. Second time round she had no problems at all Good luck

cabasa - you deserve a medal for perservering with the ebm for so long last time.

I managed to get to grips with bf last time around (no thanks to any support from MWs) after an emergency C section, and although I did manage to feed ds for 8 months, I am definitely inteding to get in contact with nct (Breastfeeding Line 0870 444 8708) and la leche league - they run support groups - more info here: www.laleche.org.uk/

Good luck with it all!

My dd1 didn't feed for first three days, i expressed colustrum and in the end she had a formula top up, took ages for us to get going but we did eventually and ultimately ditched the top ups. I was really anxious about the first feed with dd2, but she latched on beautifully and we never had any problems. Tbh I put it down to the birth experience - epidural and syntocin with dd1, home birth in pool with dd2 (OK I was rushed into hospital after, but she was cool..) and also their different personality types (everything is the end of the world with dd1 and everything has to be perfect, dd2 is cool as a cucumber, takes the world in her stride). Like I say, i was worried, and well armed with NCT numbers, but it went fine. All the best x

ds1 took a month to establish bf - he lost nearly 2lb by the time he was 10 days old

ds2 latched on at 15 mins old and never looked back. Apparently the sucking reflex is very strong in the 30 mins after birth.

Ds1 was a nightmare to bf. He spent a few days in the SCBU being tube-fed as he refused to feed at all. Tbh he never really took to bf'ing. I made it to 6 weeks of exclusively bf'ing, did mixed-feeding until about 4mths and then just stuck to formula.

When ds2 was born I wanted to try bf'ing again but, like you, was worried that he would end up like ds1. He wasn't. He was sooo much easier to feed and I managed to bf him for the first 6 months. Dd was born last year and is still bf'ing at 14mths.

It's hard to get past the idea that things will be the same the 2nd time around but it really can get better. Good luck.

My SIL had repeated infections and lots of problems breastfeeding DD1, but her 12 week old DS2 is absolutely loving breastfeeding, weighs almost 16lb already and theirs is a total success story this time round.

My DS2 is 5 months today and exclusively breastfed (apart from the odd bit of grass he eats now that he can roll!) and I've found breastfeeding 2nd time round a different but still rewarding experience. My main tip would be to plan lots of activities for your toddler to do whilst your feeding, because I'd forgotten it can be pretty much round-the-clck in the early weeks. We had a rule that DD1 was only allowed to watch TV when I was feeding, which helped her to see feed-time as a treat for her (although she has ended up watching rather a lot of telly!)

Lots of luck, I really hope it goes well for you.

hello

you are in exactly the same situation as me! DS1 never got the latch sorted, after an elective cs but no complications, so I expressed for a couple of months, and I agree, it is an amazing achievement.

i would recommend finding a local bf counsellor. in my area there was a good one coming once a week to a local GP surgery (Highbury in London) so I knew where to go. LLL gave some good guidance over the internet but there's nothing to beat seeing someone in person. try a few places - a bf counsellor who came to our pre-natal group before DS1 was born made it sound really easy, and I thought just because I was willing, I would manage - which wasn't the case.

this time, DS2 was born also by elective cs (like DS1, both in breech - amazing!) and had those complications your baby had - grunting, SCBU for a few hours. I did exactly as you did, expressing etc, which was right as it kept supply going. then I persevered with latching etc but didn't get it completely right until I saw the bf counsellor at about day 10. What was the key solution for me is a book by a bf counsellor called Clare Byam Cook, What to do if you want to breastfeed, and what if you can't, which has all kind of troubleshooting ideas and a very clear explanation and good pictures of proper latch. I really recommend it. I brought it into hospital with me and it was brilliant guidance.

IME, midwives on the wards have too much on to be at hand to help with bf at the critical time - when baby is awake and ready to feed they are on rounds etc. it needs a bf counsellor who is on hand regularly to really help in the wards. its a real shame that the policy is to encourage bf but not to give the support to help those in difficulty.

best of luck to you

DS1 - never really established bf, (I think it was cos he was very sleepy for first couple of days after aI had pethidine/ ventouse) Like you I expressed for 3 months (combined with ff)

However DS2 fed twice before we left the labour ward, and has barely come up for air since.. I'm just winding down bf now (he's 9 months). He just 'got the hang' of it in a way ds1 didn't. I also found because baby number 2 was so much easier, I concentrated on the bf in all my midwife appointments.

Totally different expereience..sounds like you had difficult birth ...no reason you shouldn't bf this time.

Good luck!

Thanks so much for all your messages-they really help. NCT and LLL are great ideas.

fortyplus - how amazing that you persevered with DS1 for a month. I'm scared that I would give up if the baby kept losing weight like that. How did you turn things around? Did you use nipple shields, expressing etc?

Ds1 - losing weight and getting dopey at 2w, so I was persuaded by the mw to ff. But I was bitterly unhappy by this and still gave him breast before the bottle at every feed. When he was 6w I tried to re-lactate, with some success, going from 6 bottles in 24h to 2.5bottles. I stopped bfing at 5.5m and promptly descended into PND. I'm sure the two were linked, though I'm not sure that ff caused the PND.

Dd - this time I had a wonderful support structure in place. I'd had therapy for the PND and was aware of my triggers. I knew how to access bfing support and had a wonderful HV. The freezer was stuffed with home-made meals in foil takeaway boxes, and dh was ready to be Superman for me. It worked. I breastfed dd until she was 23m.

Ds2 - refered back to hospital at 8days because he wasn't gaining weight, wasn't pooing and appeared to be jaundiced (which he wasn't, he is just very swarthy). Nonetheless, with help, support, and the very occasional bottle of formula, he is still being breastfed at 8m. And, despite my constant niggle of worry about my supply, and despite the fact that he's been crawling and physically active for nearly two months, and despite the fact that he's not been interested in solids until last week, he's gone up half a centile in weight - so my milk must be the business!

I hope this is a cheering and encouraging story for you. It was hard work for me to get bfing going, and sometimes to keep it going, and all three of my babies took 3w to regain their birthweight, however they were fed. I hope it works out for you, too.

Yes Yes Yes! DD1 total nightare, never latched on, tried everything, ended up expressing for 6 months (well done for what you did btw, expressing is such hard work). DD2 - 35 weeks emergency c-section, tube fed, found myself back at the breast pump and it was like deja-vu. I almost didn't want to try breastfeeding again for fear of failure and was absolutely distraught. Tried every day.. and 5 days after birth she latched on and we haven't looked back since! still breastfeeding and loving it at 14 months. DD1 was only 19 months when DD2 was born and like you I had that awful worry that if i had to I wouldn't be able to express and look after a newborn and toddler.

Best wishes and good luck - let us know how you get on when the time comes!

It is so encouraging to read all these stories.

time4tea- That book sounds great. I'm going to order it tonight!!

I think this time I have to be more relaxed about the baby losing weight and not give in to bottles so soon.

Are nipple shields a really bad idea? I have planned in my head to use them on day 5ish if bf is not going well? My other concern is that I have the wrong shape of nipple . Mine are kind of largish and flattish!!

hi there,

dd1 was born by elective section due to being breech. to cut a long long story very short, she took hours to latch on, once she latched on she took hours to feed, my flat nipples eventually tore off completely, i screamed during every feed, i eventually got badly infected boobs and huge abscesses in them which had to be surgically drained, spent 3 weeks in hosp, woke up after op. with three tubes sticking out of my boob to drain out pus and permanent scars on my breasts where incisions were made.

thought i'd never feed again, got pregnant soon after, had nightmares about fangs in my nipples for 9 months, planned NOT to bfeed dd2.

dd2 jumped on to my nipples like a little expert, never fed for more than 10 minutes every 2/3 hours, no sore nipples, no latch problems, she's 5 months old now and i am EXLUSIVELY breastfeeding her because i love it.

Message withdrawn

battery about to go so keep this short.

I had a nightmare with DS and only fed him for 10 days.

I went on to have DD 2 years later and fed her until she was 16 months! She refused a bottle constantly and so never even had expressed milk and wouldn't drink formula at all.

I "researched" breastfeeding extensively before she was born. Got a book out of the library and learned it and took it in to hospital with me. Sat on the bed latching her on with the book infront of me!

Hi there, although I successfully breastfed all 3 of my children, my story is still similar to yours.

DD1 born 38 weeks elective section and taken to scbu where she was immediately tube fed formula. Spent the next week expressing milk and tube feeding like you but she wouldn't take a bottle or breastfeed so I was pretty stuck. Eventually got her latched on with nipple shields which I threw away after a few days and didn't look back.

DD2 also emergency section at 38 weeks but latched on immediately after birth and no problems whatsoever.

DD3 I had a similar experience to first time but we were sent home 2 days after a section with a baby that wasn't latching on. I was determined to persevere even when she lost 15% of her birthweight within 3 days. Her latch wasn't great and I had to express every 3 hours and cup feed her, also tried nipple shields with only little success. She was eventually re-admitted to the children's ward with jaundice and weight loss and it turned out her jaundice had made her not want to feed so once that was sorted she was fine at feeding and latching on.

My biggest problem was nobody gave me any support as she was my 3rd and so everyone thought I was now the expert but don't be afraid to ask for help. Also have confidence in yourself and stick with it if it is really what you want to do, I know if I had had this experince 1st time round I would have given up but knowing I'd done it successfully before made me persevere.

Seem to have rambled but a mixture of advice there that I hope has been helpful - good luck!

I am still wincing at your lack of privacy first time round, OP. Can still remember embarrassment when my parents and brother turned up at my hospital bed just while I was failing to latch dd on! You may well go home much earlier with the second. Of course you need more than privacy; good idea to read up. I recommend Bestfeeding by Chloe Fisher and some one else.

I didn't have the baby problems you had but bf was so unbearably painful first time round that I didn't do it for long and was dreading it so much second time that I got into a real panic.

Second time was fine.

So, if it helps, certainly no need for you to expect you will have the same problems this time round.

with dd2 ( never breastfed dd1 for a number of reasons) it took ages for my milk to come in properly. She was a large baby and wanted to feed all the time. It probably took around 6 weeks to get the hang of it and another two weeks to get it totally sorted. Lots of thrush and pain to start with.

Dd3 born in Mar - milk came in second or third day and it has been a dream since. Had a little bit of pain but thank god for lansinoh!! She feeds like a dream and I guess part of it is my confidence about it.

i gave up really early with dd1 so when pregnant with dd2, i really did my homework. i contacted breastfeeding organisations and contacted a breastfeeding consultant. i then spoke to her when baby came and she came to visit me in the afternoon of the day i came home from hospital. she spent 2 hrs with me teaching me how to breastfeed. she was also kind enough not to charge me but i would have happily paid the earth. those 2 hrs gave me so much confidence to feed dd2 for 8 months and to feed ds1 who was premature.

you can definitely breastfeed second and subsequent children, i think mainly because you are more prepared and you know the pitfalls. good luck and i'm sure you'll be fine.

cabasa - sorry - only just come back to thread - been at work this week. Fortunately HV was very supportive. We'd got off to a bad start because ds1 was given a bottle of formula at 4 hours old when I was asleep - despite the fact that it was written all over my notes that I wanted to bf!
Yes - nipple shields - cabbage leaves down the bra - Kamillosan etc - I still shudder at the thought!
ds1 was born at 9lb8oz and ended up 7lb 12oz at 10 days old - sleeping for 12 hours at a time and very hard to wake - I was petrified.
He was admitted to hospital overnight and I was lent an industrial size milking machine!!
We got there in the end by topping up with bottles of expressed milk until he regained his birthweight. I bf him until 7 months in the end - then he had a snotty cold and rejected the boob in favour of the bottle.