14 week old feeding woes - am I the problem?

[saveupallthedays]

Hi baby brains trust,

DS is 14.5 weeks old, is developmentally normal, is a "touchy" baby but not behaviourally off. DS was a very regular feeder and used towake around 7am or a little earlier and have his breakfast feed and feed about every 3 hours after that.

3 weeks ago, he started becoming very erratic. He would often wake and refuse his morning feed, be up about 20 min then get tired, have a catnap and then often would feed after the catnap. There have been 3 occasions over the last 3 weeks he has gone 5-7 hours with no feed since his night feed at around 3:30am but no obvious hunger cues/illness/irritability. I am reoffering after each catnap but he can go on a nursing strike.

He sometimes has 6 feeds a day and other days 7 feeds. I have to be very strategic to get him to feed during the day - catch him immediately on waking after a nap so he's still a bit sleepy and often am resorting to firmly holding his head so he doesn't pull away from the nipple. He seems inpatient for the letdown which can take a while to come in recent times because I'm anxious and he may not be sucking consistently. I worry a lot that feeds are becoming unpleasant for him and that he's not getting enough because he only feeds from one breast at a time despite my encouragement for seconds and because he feeds so fast (often only 3 min). He's never been a big baby, but his centiles seem relatively stable (around 30th).

My questions are:
At the 14 week old mark, did you find your baby refusing breakfast feeds?
Did you find there were occasions the baby went long stretches during the day with no feed? I'm not sure if this is reverse cycling, he only feeds (without any convincing) twice a night at 12:30 and 3:30am.
How variable are the # of feeds per day for you?
Do you think I should try one feed a night to see if that makes day feeding easier? He seems more restless and awake rather than mouthy when I feed him at night
Have you gone through weeks where you have to be more assertive with the baby to get your LO to feed? Am I in the wrong for doing that?

Thanks a mill!

I think you may be overthinking this a lot OP. Your baby is a stable weight. Are they bright and alert at times too?

Everything you’ve described is normal baby behaviour, they don’t watch a clock

Please, please don’t force his head into one position while he feeds though.

At the 14 week old mark, did you find your baby refusing breakfast feeds?

BF babies take around 25 floz over 24 hours whether they are fed 6 times or 12. At this age it’s not really a case of number of feeds or length of feeds to worry about but whether baby is gaining weight and reaching milestones, have a read of is my older baby gaining enough weight on Kellymom.

*Did you find there were occasions the baby went long stretches during the day with no feed? I'm not sure if this is reverse cycling, he only feeds (without any convincing) twice a night at 12:30 and 3:30am.

It’s not really reverse cycling of he’s only having 2 feeds at night, again that’s normal at 14 weeks

How variable are the # of feeds per day for you again, this really doesn’t matter at this age with a BF baby. It’s not like ffing where baby has a specific number of flozs you have to get them to drink in 24 hours.

Do you think I should try one feed a night to see if that makes day feeding easier? He seems more restless and awake rather than mouthy when I feed him at night?

Are you waking him to feed him at night OP? If you are waking him, I’d stop. There’s no need to wake him to feed at this age. If you’re not waking him and he’s waking you for a feed, he’s hungry and needs it

Have you gone through weeks where you have to be more assertive with the baby to get your LO to feed? Am I in the wrong for doing that

Assertive isn’t perhaps the term I’d use OP. DD had a dip in her centiles around this age and she was also a very fast feeder. I tried things like breast Compressions, having a bath together to encourage her to feed, skin to skin like both getting into bed in the afternoon before nap time and feeding in a quiet place with no distractions. I didn’t have to do it for long though as she was soon back on her old centile. You don’t even have to worry about that as your DS is tracking his centile nicely and as far as I can see, there’s not much of a problem.

What does worry me is how worried you are. I can’t remember ever nothing how often mine fed at this age. It never occurred to be thatcthey May take 7 feeds one day and 6 the next. Are you generally very anxious and us this a new thing?

Are you mixing with any other BFing Mums too OP like at LLL, a BFing Support Group or just friends and family?

Have you tried talking through all of this on one of the BFing Helplines too? I think you may find it helpful

Hi OP
My baby is17 weeks today and ebf. Babies do go through a growth spurt and developmental changes around now and so their feed and sleep pattern may change.
So long as he seems well in himself and there is no weight loss or signs of dehydration I wouldn’t worry.
My baby did seem to feed less for a week or so but is variable anyway. I wave a boob at her at every opportunity. If she’s thirsty she drinks, if not she doesn’t. No idea how often she feeds!

Please don’t try to force your baby to drink but as advised above skin to skin etc will give a relaxed opportunity to feed well.

Feed as often as needed overnight (my baby wakes 0-4 times a night to feed).

I would suggest finding a local support group. I’ve just started going to a le leche league one and it’s great for these kinds of concerns.

Sounds like my DD when she was around 4 1/2 months. Not that I kept records of when I fed her, just tried to remember which boob I was on next and fed on demand.

Is you son pooping, weeing and gaining weight? If he is then just relax and go with the flow. In a month his behaviour will be completely different again.

I've had exactly the same with dd2. Such a different feeder to dd1 who fed for ages and fed every two hours. She would also always accept a feed to calm her down etc.
Dd2 is such a fast feeder (can be three mins) and also impatient for let down. She also only feeds well at night. (But again only once or twice). I went through a few weeks of trying to force her to feed but have just started going with the flow now. She's small (9th centile) but has plenty of wet and dirty nappies and is a content and happy baby and very alert so I'm trying not to stress. She's just not fussed by milk I think!

Should say she's now 21.5weeks

They are all different, I was told to count wet and dirty nappies and ensure there's weight gain. As long as they are happy then all is well. Around this age some start to sleep much longer stretches (some not mine!) and by 15 weeks I started to offer a bit of food, tasters at first - every book has different advice but I went with my gut (and the fact she started stealing food she could reach and sucking it)

Thank you all for your replies. I've been keeping track of things because of my baby brain (which boob I'm up to, etc) with an app called Baby Manager, that's partially why I've been overanalysing things.

@JiltedJohnsJulie - thank you for your detailed response. You seem very knowledgeable and sensible and it was good to be given an honest assessment about my anxiety! To answer your questions:

• Yes, DS is bright and alert during the day except when he's overtired.
• The midnight to 1am feed he's not fully awake but very restless and if I let it go on enough, I suspect he would cry and wake. The 4am feed he wakes but does not show clear hunger cues. I tried not feeding him last night to see what would happen and he settled back to sleep. It didn't change his appetite in the morning though.
• I am highly strung but never had any major anxiety disorder. My anxiety has gone through the roof since I gave birth to DS so I am trying to keep it in check. I downloaded cognitive behavioural therapy worksheets to work on my anxiety about feeds.
• I've been chatting to family, friends and have a mother's group but not a BFing support group I go to
• Yes, I called a helpline which emphasised that the nappies and behaviour is what I should go off. They said 4 or more feeds per day should be okay.

Cyw2018 Sun 26-Aug-18 07:33:20
Sounds like my DD when she was around 4 1/2 months. Not that I kept records of when I fed her, just tried to remember which boob I was on next and fed on demand.

@Cyw2018 - reassuring you had similar experiences. Yes, he is weeing, gaining weight and pooing. I will work hard on going with the flow! It was a change of behaviour I was not used to and has been going on almost a month but I just have to accept that hahah.

boatrace30 - thanks for your reply. I'm very relieved I'm not the only one and will try and follow your example with going with the flow. How do you make appointments for yourself if you have no sense of when DD will feed? Or does she bottle feed also? How long has this erratic feeding been going on for her?

Just try to relax and follow his asking for milk. As he gets stronger mouth muscles and a larger tummy he will get more milk at each feed without the length of feed increasing. So he won't need to eat as often. Unless your are worried your child is underweight then tracking feeds and sleep will just stress you out!

@saveupallthedays - it's been going on since about 14 weeks I think.
I do express and leave milk if I ever need to leave her.

So about two months!

If the app is causing you anxiety I’d leave it alone. Nothing you have said indicates a problem with feeding or development, in fact LO sounds like a happy, efficient feeder. He’s bright and alert at times, has enough wet and dirty nappies and is meeting his milestones. You can’t adk for much more than that OP

I think it’s important to remember that as long as it’s coming out the other end, enough is going in the top end! . Also try to rememberxst this age whether they feed 6 times or 12, they’re taking exactly the same amount of milk overall.

As for keeping track of feeds, there really is no need to count how many times you feed him. If you want to keep track of which boob you started with first last time could you put a soft hair tie on your wrist or a bangle and swap it each time you feed?

The thing that does sound like you need help with isn’t LO though, it’s you. Have you told your DH how bad your anxiety is? I would talk to him today and book yourself into the see the GP tomorrow. There are lots of drugs you can tsk whilst BFing but if you’re concerned, the BFN have some excellent information and an email service. In all probability though you’ll be referred for CBT. In the meantime, guided meditation may help and try yoga, either with or without LO. If you speak to your HV she may be able to help too and the apni have a helpline where you can talk to other Mums who have gone through what you seem to be experiencing

I really would recommend going to a BFing Support Group. Is there an LLL Group near to you? If not, have a look here for other groups

Let us know how you get on