Thinking of switching to formula - GUILT

[keb2702]

My LO is 2.5 weeks old. I tried to breast feed him from the beginning and he wouldn't latch, or when he did, wouldn't stay on. He got so distressed every time I put him to he breast, it was really upsetting. I tried every position, nipple shields (even more painful than without) but he just wasn't managing.

I've since been expressing and feeding him via bottle, with the occasional formula feed at night to ease the pressure on supplying enough.

But now it's really really getting me down. Expressing means I can't get close to my LO and is so so tiring. It feels so sterile when I just want to be with my son. But I feel so guilty about potentially moving to formula.

I wondered if anyone else had been through this or had any thoughts?

Thanks in advance xx

Have you managed to find a local breastfeeding cafe or support group? Or someone to come to the house? Nhs provide support in some areas and La Leche League or NCT are other support providers

The reason I suggest to look for support is that the people I know who feel bad or guilty for not continuing breastfeeding are those who realise later on that things could have worked out differently had they known x y or z. Those who explored all options and know that the best choice for their family was to move onto bottles feel more comfortable with their choice. Rather than it being a choice made under stress and without the right info or support.

Don't feel guilty. I know we all get told breast is best but really fed is best.
I switched to formula at a similar stage and it was the best thing for us all. I now have a thriving nearly 4 year old who is hardly ever ill. You genuinely can't tell which of his peer group were bf and which were FF.

Do what's best for you and your family.
Good luck.

Do whatever is best for you and your son. I was in exactly the same position as you 7 years ago, also had low supply. I expressed and started topping up with formula and switched completely at 8 weeks, best thing I ever did. So much more time with my DD and being connected to a pump more hours than I care to remember.

Please don't feel guilty, babies need their mum to be happy more than anything.v

I couldn't bear expressing, in your position I'd do the same. Be happy and enjoy your baby, that's so much more important to him.

I have no issues with formula feeding, 100% agree fed is best.

When did u last try bf? Or get supported with it? Just because we managed to establish at 2 weeks after bottle feeding until that point with some support. I didn't think it would happen but it did so worth a shot if you want?

Don’t feel guilty for feeding your baby.

It's ok to stop breastfeeding if you want to. Do what works for you and little one. You can still do skin to skin and lots of cuddles to feel close

Don’t let the guilt in - it’s an unhelpful emotion. But some formula, give it, and give yourself a break.

If you want to, I’d recommend a lactation consultant visit to see if they can help. But that’s not something you have to do. Or you could give some formula and keep trying to breastfeed (with help) as a middle ground. Your mental health is important x

I breast fed for convenience for 6 months, moved to formula on returning to work and baby put a lot of weight on first week. HV who was a really odd unpleasant woman said “that will be because you’re artificially feeding him now”. I never make complaints but I complained about her. A happy, coping mum is what’s best

Plus other mums complained about other things and the HV disappeared from our area

I was in a very similar situation. I tried breastfeeding and ended up really quite depressed. He would want to feed or suckle 24/7 and couldn’t get the latch right. So it was taking 6 hours to do just one feed. It wasn’t helped by 30 degree average temp. I dreaded every feed. Went to support group a few times but he slept through all of them.
In the end it was stopping me bond with the baby not improving matters. I decided it wasn’t for me. Now I bottle feed him breast milk and formula. He’s 4.5 weeks. I pump about 5 times a day and he gets 2-3 bottles of breast milk a day. This works fir me at the moment as I can fit this amount of pumping in to satisfy his volume of milk and manage to fit it in between feeds. I felt happier about this as a compromise rather than giving up completely but I won’t hesitate to go on to formula 100% if it becomes too much. Do what works for you. Just because you can physically breast feed it doesn’t mean you can mentally. It’s a skill that takes time to learn. I was too overwhelmed with all the other requirements of being a mum I just had no mental space left for learning to breastfeed too. I also have a history of depression and the way breastfeeding made me feel worried me. Not good for mum or baby.

I think if I have another child I would consider trying it again as I will have a better idea of what to expect.

Good luck! No one should be judged for feeding their child.

I experienced something very similar. My LO was born via EMCS so my milk didn't come in properly for 4 or so days after she was born. I tried to breastfeed her at the hospital and managed to give her a small amount of milk with a syringe. We had problems latching and she would cry horribly every time I tried to put her on the breast and get incredibly frustrated. I tried expressing milk into a bottle for a few weeks, which she did take but it was never enough for her so in the end we switched to formula. I felt guilty but at the same time my LO is putting on weight (she was very small when she was born) and formula feeding feels so much less stressful than breastfeeding did. I expected the midwife and HV to judge me for not trying to breastfeed for longer but they've all said fed is best. I think both me and my LO are happier for the decision to use formula instead - feeding her isn't stressful or upsetting now!

I exclusively expressed in the early days too. Took it day by day and ended up doing it for 9 months (and expressed enough to feed DD till she was a year). Hard work - very hard work, but worth it to me.

You've had some great advice on here.

I'm another one who was determined to EBF. For some reason I still don't understand dd never quite got enough and didn't really gain weight for first month. (Had midwives, breast feeding specialists, hospital and doctor all involved! It wasn't lack of support or effort.) We then combo fed both breast and formula with me miserably pumping as well to try to increase supply, which never happened. In the end we fully switched to formula at 3 months and it was such a good decision. She's a happy, well fed, growing baby and her dad and I both get to feed her and it has not been detrimental to bonding in any way. It's actually improved our bond because I am happy and have time to cuddle, play etc etc which previously was spent feeling hideous and a failure hooked up to the breast pump.

Good luck and all the best for what you choose to do x

I never managed to make enough milk. I was honestly totally devastated but it’s a lot easier and more convenient to formula feed tbh.

As for guilt, there’s really no need, the difference in outcomes is so marginal in the developed world. It’s not worth fretting about at all.

If it doesn't suit your family don't do it. There's no need to feel guilty and you certainly shouldn't feel pressured to breastfeed if it's making you feel like this. It's much more important that you're in the best place mentally to look after your baby than whether they're on breast or bottle.
I do understand the guilt though, I couldn't breastfeed either of mine, my milk never came in and they lost weight. I felt like a failure but looking back now it's honestly silly to feel like that, even though at the time it's the end of the world. You do what's best for you and baby. Putting mine on formula was the best thing I did. And if it makes you feel any better my children are 100x healthier than DN who was ebf for 6 months and mixed fed til a year.

Don't feel guilty. Do what works for you.
I bf my dd for 8 months. I lasted 4 weeks with DS. I was exhausted and stressed and wasn't producing enough. Poor wee boy poor me more like barely slept.....then I gave him a bottle of formula and he slept for 4 hours!
There is so much pressure on mothers to ebf nowadays. I was lucky as midwives/hv were not quite so militant about it 21 years ago!