Libido, sex drive.. totally non excisting.. help!!!!

[determination]

My poor DP is desperate for some action and i can see it far enough. He helps around the house loads and is the best daddy in the world, also probably best DP in world and i love him so much. The last we did was when dd2 was 2 weeks old and she is now 13weeks. I had the same problem with dd1 too. It is so bad that i don't even want to cuddle him coz i know he will get excited then i just want to run away!. The thought of him being near my breasts or being sexually active by any means has never been so far from my thoughts. I know he is finding it extremely difficult, what should i do?

Well, I would explain to him how you're feeling, especially regarding the cuddling thing, in case he thinks you don't love him as much.

Perhaps you could make a date once a week, the anticipation of it coming up will at least get you mentally prepared for sex, even if you aren't enthusiastic about it.

Or if you really aren't up to it, perhaps you could just keep him satisfied every few days? Far easier said than done when you hav two small children, but perhaps it'd ease your conscience somewhat and ease any tension between the two of you as a temporary measure until you feel normal again?

every COUPLE OF DAYS??????????????!!!!!!!!! YOUR HAVING A LAUGH RIGHT?!

Buy him a w*nk mag and go on mnet and enjoy the break

13 weeks is still really really young, it's totally normal to not really be up for it at this stage. Are you breastfeeding? If so then there is also the hormonal decision to consider - nature designed it this way! Also totally normal for him to be feeling like he wants to get back to "normal" - he probably fancies you rotten and just wants to get close, also do you think he might be feeling a bit left out with all the focus being on the baby? All in all this is a really common scenario - I don't think DH and I got jiggy with it more than twice in the first 12 months after DD2 was born! What would you like to happen - do you feel that you would like to be close to him, but can't summon up the energy/drive, or would you prefer just not to have any physical intimacy at this stage? Sounds like you have a good relationship, maybe talking things over would help.

heh, sorry! Well, whatever frequency is more normal for you.

Hi determination, what is it about sex that worries you? Do you not feel sexy? Do you worry it will hurt? Or are you just exhausted!!?

cazee,

Its not that i dont feel sexy, nor that im worried it will hurt. It is just that i am soo tired having running around after my toddler and baby all day, the thought of staying awake for "that!" for god knows how long.. puts me right off.

you're not alone! DH and I have only been intimate once since DS 10months was born and I know the exact date (our wedding night). Fortunately he works away and he never brings it up so no pressure. I don't think anyone understands the exhaustion one feels after having a baby unless you have done it. Give it time! Its still early days.

One month on and still nothing. My poor man I just cannot bring myself to get active in that way at all..

don't be so hard on yourself, it's perfectly normal. i'm actually surprised that you're even thinking about it yet.

my ds has just turned 1 yr and i am only now beginning to think that things with dh can get back to "normal" - ie pre-pregnancy regularity - or something closer to it than once every couple of months!

10 months with DS1. DH was really good about it - knew that BF was really impt and didn't pressurise me.

9 mths since my lo was born, and we havent managed penetrative sex yet either. my partner really good about it, and once a week we manage something sexual: usually mutual masturbation, although my sex drive is soooo low i rarely orgasm. am hoping stopping breastfeeding will bring my period back, and sort it out, but thats not on the cards yet! im planning to get to a year with the bf'ing.
our new funny agreement is a snog a day! and it does help keep us close and like a couple even if the whole crazy wonderful world of sex seems like a distant dream.