No NHS support with BF

[MrsTmilknosugar]

Has anyone tried relactation?
Baby is now 11.5weeks old and i want to be able to express for her.
We wanted to BF from the start but i was (to put it bluntly) weak.
No help with feeding at the hospital, we just kind of put her there and it felt like she was sucking out milk.
Day 2 - Midwife came to the house the day after birth to help with breastfeeding and MIL (who turned up even though told midwife was coming in 20mins) promptly started talking about what it was like when she had children so i couldn't ask much and baby was fast asleep with no intention of waking up. The midwife basically said oh well she's asleep and you have guests so left after 10mins.
Day 3 - midwife phoned to check she had been feeding, i said yes i think its going ok, but i am in pain, she was satisfied.
Day 5 - at weigh in told she had lost 10.1% of her body weight made to feel like crap and lectured on not forcing her to wake up. despite me REALLY not feeling able to i was forced to take her back (15miles) on day 7.
Day 7 - i managed to get there actually crying in pain to find i had left the notes at home and received another lecture. Midwife came to the house later in day after i had pulled myself together and said she still wasn't getting enough. That night I was so stressed there was nothing for her so we had to buy formula.
Day 9 - she had put on enough weight to stop weighing every 2 days. I was admitted to a&e with a womb infection after that particular midwife noticed i couldn't sit down or stand up without assistance and tears.
The resulting drugs meant i couldn't feed her for a week and was then left only being able to express about 1oz a day. I am now down to being able to hand express drops....
Every day in-between these points we had constant visitors and were summoned to PIL house for family meals.
I am fully aware the situation is of my own making as i should have told MIL to leave at the start, refused to go out and been more vocal with the midwives. My only excuse is as a first time mum i was caught off guard by a baby arriving nearly 4 weeks early.
I would REALLY appreciate any advice you have as i feel we have no unique bond really, she doesn't depend on me for anything specifically and i need to make it up to her...

So sorry to hear you've struggled. BF is so bloody hard at the best of times and I understand the added stress as my DD was also 4 weeks early.

You absolutely have a unique bond regardless of how you feed her. You are her mother, no one can take that away. She loves you more than anyone else and you make her feel safe! That is so important for little ones. Try to remind yourself you are doing a great job and that you will always feel guilty about one thing or another, I think that comes along with the job. Easier said than done but try to ease up on yourself a little

Also your MIL sounds like a right pain in the arse - I wholeheartedly sympathise.

How are you feeling this morning @MrsTmilknosugar ? I meant to say you are absolutely not weak. This is the hardest thing any of us can do. The fact you are so concerned about what is best for your baby shows how much you love your little one and that is a good thing! Your baby will thrive on the formula just as well as breast milk.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle with breast feeding and I understand the guilt involved when it doesn't work out as I've been there myself. Having said that, I genuinely believe some babies just thrive better on formala. That doesn't mean the mother has failed or hasn't tried hard enough but that nature takes it's own course sometimes and that's why we're so so lucky to have a suitable and safe alternative.
I've posted on a similar thread before on what I used to do with my son when I finally stopped stressing about trying to BF- I used to feed him his formula so he had a nice full belly then place him on my breast for comfort where he'd sleep for hours. It helped with doing skin on skin, helped me feel better about FF and was a lovely day to spend the afternoon. Don't feel guilty about anything, you sound like a wonderful mum.

Here is some information about relactating. You would obviously need to mix feed for a while but you can move to breastfeeding eventually if you would like to.

I would also like to echo previous posts and say that formula is a very good substitute for breast milk, it will help her grow and develop and doesn't mean you have failed.

Thankyou ladies, she woke up this morning and smiled at me when i leant over her for the first time so that made me feel a load better. (Normally just starts crying for a bottle).
Im just not good with guilt and pile it on myself for every reason imaginable. The situation has made me quite frustrated and angry even with the nhs after 8months of having breast is best shoved down my throat and then as soon as they could get her off their lists they did, kicking me off even faster.
Ive read quite a few posts on here today and can see i am not alone, their system is hugely flawed.
Your kind words have made me feel better about myself so thankyou!
@GummyGoddess thanks for the info i am reading up on it all now, determined to give it a shot. No one can say i didn't try then!
xx

Oh bless you. I've not managed breastfeeding twice now, despite loads of preparation for DS who is now 4 weeks old. Some people just cannot do it and the pain, both physically and emotionally is indescribable. It's so hard when this little person you love so much is hurting you umpteen times a day.

I wanted to try relactation after DC1 when I had four week regret. I couldn't get any help with it at all. Currently having it with new baby, but I know I'm doing the right thing for all of us sticking with formula.

I think there is absolutely no harm in trying so long as you keep your expectations reasonable. Please let us know how you get on.

Just to say if you're feeling as if you're struggling to bond, breastfeeding isn't necessarily the answer. Cutting a long and sad story short, it's the cuddles and the comforting and the being there every day that creates it and sometimes it takes forever to feel like you're not just servicing this tiny demanding stranger. I felt like anyone could take DD and I wouldn't be missed. If you begin to feel that way, please consider asking for some help with PND. I didn't, and it took till she was about 15 months to feel any real attachment to her. Now struggling again with DS and only really feel ok when I'm cuddling and comforting him. You can do that without her gnawing away at your breasts and your self esteem.

How are you getting on @MrsTmilknosugar ?