Really tempted to give up BF - only guilt stopping me

[sponge]

I couldn't feed my dd so was delighted when ds took to it really easily.
He feeds pretty well, had regaubed his birthweight after a week and is well up now after 13 days.
The trouble is I hate it. He feeds at least every two hours and doesn't seem to take enough each time to keep him satisfied for long - within no more than an hour he is rooting around again.
This means that it is still realy painful as he is doing the hard latch on sucking really frequently.
Last night I fed him at 11, dh fed him some expressed milk at 2, I fed him again at 4 and again at 6 and 8. It's just wearing me down.
When he does feed he rarely keeps going for more than 15 minutes before he dozes off or goes into a really sleepy, occasional fluttery feeding mode. But if I then put him down he wakes up and starts grizzling again.
Help, what should I do?

Hi sponge, not an expert but you do have my sympathy. Bfing can be really hard work and I have considered giving up several time due to worry over weight, hating my big boobies, biting! I have persisted and overall am glad I have. DD is 7 months now, if you do hang in there it will get easier, newborns are hungry little beasts. Sounds like you are doing really well. Whatever you decide to do you have given her a really good start (sorry I know its a cliche and everyone says it but it is true), lose the guilt and good luck.

Hi sponge

It does sound as if he's getting enough milk, at least! But the early days can be hard work.

People can be a bit sniffy about dummies for bfed babies, but they were a godsend for me as my three were all very sucky and would have been permanently attached to me otherwise! It might help satisfy his need for sucking when you know he's not hungry, and help him go a bit longer between feeds. I've always found you have to hold the dummy in a bit initially, as it takes them a while to get the hang of using suction to keep it in.

Otherwise, it does get much better quite quickly -- it is worth persevering, as once it's settled down a bit it is so much easier than fiddling around with bottles.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Well, only you know in your heart of hearts whether you want to keep on with it or not. The first six weeks are pretty hellish (well I thought they were anyway) but it does get much, much easier after that. Although I have to say I found it very draining and a complete tie and although I carried on for months with both my two there is no doubt in my mind that I felt better (more energy etc) when I gave up...

But if you just can't face it and it is really getting you down - just give him bottles! He'll be fine. Please don't feel guilty. But I will say that you are still bound to be on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at 13 days, so maybe you should put off any major decisions for another couple of weeks at least?

Oh sponge, I felt just like you both times round. I second the dummy suggestion. Also, try passing him crashed out to your dh before putting him down - that worked with dd2. And finally, it sounds as if that latch needs checking if it's hurting so much.

Hang on in there, honey.

Sponge - if you muster up all the strength that got you this far I'm sure you can keep going. The first three weeks are the hardest - that's why most people give up then. If you can manage another week or so I'm sure you'll see a gradual change. For the first month I took paracetamol when the nipple pain got too much. I also had a really sleepy, slow feeder - ds kept dropping off so I kept on waking him up. Feeds often lasted an hour, for the first few months.

I tickled his feet, blew gently on his head and stripped him layer by layer until sometimes he would just be feeding in his nappy - he just got soooo comfy and drowsy. But it worked cos he's been a 98th centile boy in height and weight from very early on.

Could you make him wait just a teensy bit longer between feeds so he's not just peckish and snacky but hungry. So if he's going 2 hrs between feeds, make him wait 2hrs 10 mins and see how he gets on.

I would expect a couple of feeds a night at this age after 11pm but I'm sure he'll drop the 3rd one really soon.

You're doing fantastically well. I didn't enjoy it till about 4 weeks when it stopped hurting and I b/f till 17 mths!! If someone had told me that at 13 days I would have thrown a brick at them - but it really, really does get better.

Keep posting and getting it all off your chest (no pun...). I thought I was abnormal for taking so long to settle in to b/f but it does happen. The expressing was a lifesaver too - make sure you sleep through that feed to keep up your strength for the night.

Good luck

sponge - it is really early days - they do feed an awful lot at the beginning and you can feel like you never get a break from it. But it does get better. I was definitely feeding every 2 hours during the day for quite a while, but found at night the gaps started to get bigger after about 4 weeks. And gradually they learn to take in more milk and the gaps between feeds get bigger during the day too.

Maybe you can keep saying - give it a couple more days and then re-assess. If you're really getting miserable then obviously you'll need to think again. You've already done brilliantly - it's such a great start to give your ds. Not everyone loves bfing, so you musn't feel bad, but if you can give yourself a bit more time you might find you feel less awful about the whole thing.

Early days Sponge, but you have my sympathy as I felt much the same with my ds2. He's now seven mths and I'm still feeding him. I found it all very wearing (esp with two other children around), and had a lot of problems, but underneath I felt utterly determined to carry on because I knew if I stopped, I'd feel so upset and guilty no matter if he was fine or what anyone said. Only you know how you would feel, but it has got significantly easier for me and I'm so glad to have carried on with it. Have a look here for help and advice. HTH

Pooh - didn't work - try again here

That's better. Hope it helps.

sponge - I can so relate to how your feeling a week ago (DD was 3 weeks) I felt like giving up I was nearly in tears every time she latched on. I was so tired. She's so better this week it doesn't hurt anymore and she's been going at least 4 hours between most feeds. It makes the difference. It's still not a walk in the park but hang on in there we are all feeling the same.

Sponge - you are not alone in these feelings. I am posting a link to a very similar thread which includes in it another thread started by Jasper, a friend of mine. She detested breastfeeding and cracked it with her third baby. It was a couple of months into it before she realised she was beginning to enjoy it. She was still breastfeeding at 2 years!!

breastfeedingandst

You can only do what you feel is right for you though. You still have not rteached the easier stages yet so haven't felt the benefit yet. Well done for continuing so far

Thanks for the messages. It does help just to know that lots of others feel the same. I am determined to try and carry on and it sounds like it might get easier in a week or two, so I can certainly last that long. I was in one of my down and weepy phases this morning but feel more positive now - probably related to the fact that dh tends to be awake and yelling most of the morning and then asleep and peaceful much of the afternoon. He's happily asleep on my lap now and looking dead cute .
I have tried a dummy and it does help a bit although he tends to spit it out a lot and I have to keep forcing it on him.
I've also tried making him wait a bit for feeds today - at least two hours - and he's fed a bit better I think.
Thanks again. I will persevere.

Does dh not squash you?

bless 'im!

There's another b/f thread called 'remind me why I'm doing this again!' posted by me too.

hi sponge if he spits out the dummy try your little finger. it is more nipple like in the mouth. i used to lie in bed with my hand in the cot with dd sucking herself to sleep. my only warning is that this might end up in thumb sucking.

Re the dummy, an American paediatrician recommends encouraging a baby to suck by popping in the dummy and when the baby goes to suck, gently pull the dummy as if to pull it out - apparently the baby will automatically suck a little harder, thus learning how to keep it in. My ds took to his dummy instantly - like a drowning man to a lifebelt! - so I can't vouch for this technique, but it might work for you!

This all sounds like wonderful advice. I had major problems b/fing until my dd was 7 weeks - that's when it was finally cracked. Please do carry on. I took painkillers about 30 mins before I expected to feed her and it helped a bit, also had my dh/mother on hand for the first 30 seconds of each feed until I got over the initial pain. We kept saying, just 24 hours more - and generally by the time we'd got to 24 hours things were a bit better. It all gets much better around the 6 week stage from my experience and all my friends.
Read all the posts below a couple of times - there are some top tips so I won't drone on about it.
Don't want to cause any angst, but have you tried Gina? It really really helped me regarding doing less feeds, but more efficient and longer feeds. Especially when dd was 2-8 weeks. I found it wonderful. Also do get your latch checked - I know it can be excrutiating.
If it's any encouragement my dd is now 8 months and we've exclusively bfed the whole time and now I love it (though teeth are now appearing......ouch!!).
Wishing you lots and lots of good luck,
mit xx

Sponge - Please, please, please keep going. It took ds and me a month to get in tune with his bf'ing. First he couldn't latch, then I never seemed to have enough (never felt the letdown reflex until 8 weeks old), but we kept going (mainly because I couldn't be arsed to get bottles and prepare formula), and it finally clicked. I fed him for 14 months, and it was the one thing that has stayed with me as a massive achievement in my life.

That said, I can totally understand why anyone would bottle feed a child, as bf'ing has its drawbacks in that you are tied to a child, and I can also imagine how hard it would be to fit in when you have another child. I just wanted to give you some moral support.

Spnoge - I totally sympathise and feel much the same as you. I have been using nipple shields which got rid of the pain, but the time it takes is unbelievable, don't know how I'll BF when DH goes back to work..... we have a toddler in the throes of potty training!!! We have introduced 2 formula feeds into the routine and that seems to help. After each formula feed she sleeps for at least 4 hours.... sometimes 5.5. As everyone has said, it will get better for you, but don't beat yourself up about it. I know that feeling of guilt too, if it wasn't for everyone else's opinion I'd have given up by now. The 2 formula feeds are a 'secret' from everyone as I just can't deal with the look of disappointment and disapproval on faces.

Good luck Sponge.... and congratulations again.

Just another body to add to the 'it will get better' vote. My dd was a hungry, fierce and slightly inefficient feeder and I had sore nipples for the first two months at least. But even in the middle of the worst of it there were windows of success that made giving up a no go for me. Now she's 3 months and I think it's magic that all those little rolls of baby fat are padded out by my milk alone! The human body is an amazing piece of equipment. Nipples heal so incredibly fast, even a 3 hour break (when that comes to you!) can set you up for the next feed.

If you feel in your mind that you want to continue b/f, I'm sure your body will help you all it can! your breasts WANT to do this!...

But I'm only spouting on like this because you say you don't want to give up. Enough is enough, no guilt trips necessary. Good luck!

Sponge...you poor thing...it's really really hard at the beginning. If you really want to give up don't let guilt stop you...you've done the mega mega colostrum important bit...well done! BUT, it really does get better and better...soon (in the next couple of weeks) it won't feel so painful, then he'll stop feeding quite so often (even if he needs a bit of encouragement in this )...if you were to get to about 5-6 months...it gets unrecognisable: no leaking, no full feeing boobs, no breast pads, 3-4 feeds during the day and that's it!!! I never thought it would be as easy as it has been since then...makes me feel like never giving up! Hang in there if you can... x

Well done Sponge! It is hard work and what everyone else says here is so true. If you can get over the first few weeks it'll become a doddle. The soreness will go eventually.

Just think - you are doing the best for the wee fella and saving a fortune and a lot of hassle making up bottles.

Big hugs

Message withdrawn

TRY KAMILLOSAN for sore nips. my dd quite liked the taste . totally harmless apparently. Ibuprofen is better than paracetamol if you experience redness/soreness/blocking.
Stick with it if you can- i promise you it will get better. just wish I'd found mumsnet when my dd was born 6 1/2mths ago