Feeling so fed up

[maveta]

I just really need some help in getting through the next few weeks. Everyone keeps saying that breastfeeding becomes easier after about 6-8 weeks and I really want to hang on. Ds is 5 weeks on saturday but we´ve had (and currently HAVE all of these..) thrush, cracked nipples, raynaud´s and ds has a tongue tie. I am finding latching on so painful, we are seeing a consultant a week on friday about the tongue tie and I am just hoping they do something about it there and then and that it improves things.

On top of it all ds gained weight fine the first couple of weeks but has only gained 200g in the last two which the dr. says is half what he should have gained. He said he is not worried as it could be down to the thrush but we have to get reweighed next week to monitor it. I think that plus some unhelpful comments from dh´s family (´i knew that baby was hungry´, ´maybe her milk is too thin´) have just really made me feel like maybe I can´t do this.

He takes so long to feed, I guess probably because he has a poor and inefficient latch but this makes my nipples even more painful.

I don´t know if there´s anything anyone can really say, I know the only real advise is to stick with it but I´m struggling. dh´s sister advised expressing a couple of feeds but that´s not really practical, I don´t see how I´d have time to express while looking after him and then feed him etc. Added to which everytime I give him a bottle of ebm he still wants to feed from 15mins - 30mins from the breast ANYWAY. Which for me at this point just defeats the purpose.

Oh sweetie, you're doing such a good job in difficult circumstances. Ignore your DH's family.

Do you have good local BF support?

I found letting my nipples 'air', smeared with some of the last bits of milk (very fatty) helped with sore nipples ... but yours sound worse than mine.

You poor thing! Listen, I have no experience of breastfeeding (yet) but I do have raynauds and often get very sore nipples due to eczema, and I can only imagine that never giving them time to heal must be incredibly painful for you. I'm not looking forward to trying to bf when this one comes along.

Number one, stop listening to your dh's family. Do they have any idea of the amount of adversity you're putting up with in order to try and bf your baby? It's easy to sit and give advice when their nipples don't feel like they're about to fall off, isn't it?

They'd probably criticise you for choosing to ff too so just ignore them. Your situation might improve when he has his tongue tie sorted (all the books blame everything on a bad latch, don't they)

With regards to the raynauds, I've heard that drinking tea before you bf can help to open capillaries and make blood flow to the extremities easier. They also say that it can be due to the baby latching on in such a way that it clamps down on the nipple causing it to blanch, so altering the hold can help. Lastly, they always say to keep warm whilst feeding and have a hot water bottle/heat pad to put on after bf.

The cracked nipples will be due to the thrush and the poor latch, obviously you and baby need to be treated for the thrush but I really don't know how you're sposed to heal when they're still feeding every couple of hours. Maybe you could express and after giving baby the ebm you could (yikes) give him a dummy to suck on, so he isn't using you to soothe on, giving you time to heal?

As I said, I have no experience of bf yet, hopefully someone will be along with all the answers shortly!

I would second ignoring your inlaws on this one. You seem to be doing a great job despite so many things going against you.
Experessing does seem to be wasting your time and effort for little result and I wouldn't bother either.

Have you had any advice on feeding positions? I would call one of the helplines if you haven't already, they were a great help for me when I was struggling in the early days with ds. I found feeding lying down less painful, so worth experimenting with positions if you haven't already.

Finally are you using anything on your nipples? Lasinoh is frequently recommended on here, and did seem to help a bit for me.

I hope you manage to keep going just one day at a time, and that sorting out the tongue tie helps you.

Thanks girls for your replies.. I am quite pissed off with dh´s family as I feel like the comments they´ve made have dented my already pretty weak confidence quite a lot. The problem is that much advice for a particular nipple problem is contradictory for another kind of problem. i.e. I try to ´air´my nipples as much as possible BUT because of the Raynaud´s I really need to keep them covered and warm I was using lansinoh which was great but stopped because first I was given antibiotic cream for the cracks which I had to put on after feeds instead. It would seem this may have contributed to the thrush that almost immediately appeared afterwards. So then I was using Daktarin after every feed instead of lansinoh. I stopped when the doc said the thrush had cleared up but after persistant nipple pain for me after several days, I´ve started using it again.

I do change positions, the best one for him is sitting on my knee facing me but I also do lying down. He doesn´t like cradle hold or football hold as much but I do try them from time to time for a change. I also already give him a dummy as he is quite a sucky baby and we noticed early on that it calmed him and gave my boobs a rest.

I gave in this morning and gave him a bottle of formula. The early morning feed was very prolonged and he still seemed unsettled and hungry afterwards. Dh took him off me to give me a break but when he started crying for more only a while later I just felt totally beaten so gave him the bottle. I feel awful, not really for him - he actually took the bottle happily, swallowed hardly any air, it seemed so much easier for him and less stressful and he fell asleep happy and full straight away afterwards. Compared to our normal breastfeeding session it must have been so much nicer for him. I really cried at that thought but I don´t want him to be hungry.

I am determined to make it to the consultant appt next week at least but feel relieved to have the formula there so when it all feels too much he can still have a full tummy and I might just avoid a breakdown. But hope to only use it once in a while, if at all.

I feel really disappointed, I really never thought it would be THIS hard but it seems like every problem possible has happened to us.

My sister's ds2 had TT and she found things improved dramatically after the snip. I think she used nipple shields while she was waiting to get it sorted as a temporary measure.

I have experience with a very slow weight gaining (but healthy) baby and in-laws who were obsessed with his eating and weight. I finally learned how to cope with them -- Whenever they asked how much weight he had gained (every time I spoke to them!) I just responded with a smile "he's gaining fine" and changed the topic. Them: Is he sleeping through the night yet? Me: "He's sleeping just fine." Works for a whole range of issues! I think by now they've gotten the point that I'm not going to report to them on every little detail, especially if such reports are met with criticism and undermining little comments.

Also, fwiw, my now 6mo only gained about 100g a week, at least until about 4 months when we stopped weighing. He's very happy and very healthy.

Hope that things get easier for you soon.

You're doing really well in extremely difficult circumstances. Sorry you're having such a bad time.
Have you contacted the NCT or La Leche League in your area? The have breastfeeding counsellors that might be able to help you.

Are you getting treatment for the thrush? I haven't had thrush myself but i am aware of several people who had problems getting the correct treatment through GPs lack of knowledge. below is a link to the breastfeeding network's leaflet for health professionals which your doctor should see.
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/pdfs/BFN_Thrush.pdf

I found Lansinoh cream to be really good for cracked nipples, it's expensive but a tube lasts for ages.

Hopefully one of the mumsnet bf specialists will be around with more/better advice about raynauds and tongue tie soon.

Lots of babies at this age take ages to feed and it's really hard to cope with when it's painful. if you want to express you could try doing it from the side you're not feeding from during a feed but i think advice is not to express for the first 6 weeks (maybe this has changed?)

Ignore your dhs family, don't let their comments dent your confidence, you CAN feed this baby!
Hope things get better for you soon.

Just wanted to add this as i crossed posts with you. If you give formula at this early stage it will most probably affect your supply. Your baby could be unsettled because of a growth spurt (there is often a spurt around 5/6 weeks), you need to feed as often as possible to get your supply up then the feeds will get shorter but if you supplement your supply won't increase and you will have to supplement more and more. I'm not trying to have a go at you, i think it's amazing you got this far but i wanted to make sure you understand what could happen to your supply if you start to supplement.

If you need to air your nipples after a feed, AND keep them warm, the best way to do it is with the lowest heat setting of the hairdryer, kept at arms length (too much heat will further irritate sore nipples) Dry them off but don't do it for so long the skin dries out.

Maybe you can feed half bm and half ff while you heal? It's no crime, you're obviously trying so hard.

Did the Doctor give you something for baby's muth when you were getting your thrush stuff? I'm only thinking that if only you were treated, the baby might be reinfecting you.

Hi Liath!

Thanks jj131, that´s encouraging.. I think he is a healthy and happy baby, he sleeps well but not so much you´d think something was wrong, doesn´t cry that much etc etc so I was upset to think he might be going hungry or not gaining well. I like your responses to your ILs.. will have to tell my dh as it´s HIM that tells them (IMO) far too much..

Pampam, I know what you are saying, I did actually express a short while after giving him the bottle so that in effect the feed wasn´t missed. affecting my supply is a worry. I have numbers for LLL so might call them and see if they have any counsellors that I can see.

Bananabump - they gave him oral gel but only for 5 days and when it cleared up they wouldn´t give me any more. At no point did they look at my nipples, they just told me to use the gel too. I went and got the cream for me instead and am still using it.

Some additional stuff on TT here, Maveta. www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1364&threadid=331880#6727420

maveta - you can buy the oral gel at the chemist too if your doc won't give you any more

Maveta, I'm Liath's dsis - if you want any info/experience about tongue ties I'll help any way I can. Sounds like you've had a proper crap time

Ah. Ha ha, I see it was a thread I posted on that Liath linked to!!

Maveta, my lovely. No real advice here as I think you know/have read/ have heard most of it already, but just wanted to say... YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANTLY! You have had so many probs to cope with and at your flippin inlaws poking their sticky beaks into it as well.

You will get through. I really feel for you hon, I think I was in exactly the same place with T. He's 6wks now and things are looking a bit brighter.

Your milk is perfect for Noah. It's his mummy's milk and your body has grown him so far and your milk will nourish him now. I have nothing against people who opt for ff, it's a personal decision, but you sound like you want to bf and it makes me when people try to discourage you when you need all the kind words you can get. As for giving him a bottle of ff, if it gets you through and keeps you sane, great.

And what the inlaws said about thin milk sounds like rubbish to me. Your milk will be thinner at the start of the feed to quench his thirst, and I expect living in a hotter country makes that all the more important. And it will become a bit richer anyway at around 6 weeks. Grr... bad thoughts about thin milk are NOT what you need.

As for the weight gain, of course it's going to bother you, but try not to let it get you down. I'm sure he will chubb up in good time. And the doc said he's not worried, so give N a bit more time.

I'm cheering you from the sidelines Maveta. You're doing brilliantly. Make sure you look after yourself hon, anytime for a hot bath? Not sure if that's what you'd want in a hot climate maybe a swim? Rest as much as you can and let anything non-essential fall by the wayside for now

Take care and keep us updated how it's going xx.

Hi Maveta
Am on hols in sunny devon and have just popped on to catch up with the gossip. I haven't had half the problems you have and find it hard work but I also find it very rewarding and so much easier than doing bottles BUT ...

ds1 - I bf him for the first 4 weeks and it was a complete nightmare - eventually and after torturing myself over it I switched to bottles and never looked back - our lives changed instantly.
ds2 - I ff him from birth.
ds3 - now 6 1/2 weeks has been exclusively bf and have been ssooooooo close to bottles on a few occasions but have perservered and am quite happy bf him and plan to continue for as long as it works for us.

It really is up to you and dh and Noah what is best for you - there is a great deal of advice (wanted and unwanted) from every corner but please do what you feel is best for your happiness and sanity.

I think you have given him a brilliant start and know you will make the right decision - be brave honey

Thinking of you (at 4am!)

Octo xxx

Maveta - just wanted to give you some support. I had terrible trouble to start with, DS losing weight so HV telling me to 'top up with bottles' I would spend an hr pumping and not even get an ounce!

Everybody has advice and you just don't know what to do. With the help of my local BF support group I managed for 4 months. Do you have a support group nearby?
Keep at it but DO NOT beat yourself up if you decide to stop. Its your descion and no one elses.

It DOES get easier.

hey lady. you hve had your fair share of problems - far too many and have done so well to keep going. thinking of you. xoxoxo

Thank you all so much for you support and encouragement. Yes that sounds very cheesy but I think you know how much it helps to just hear a few people say a few nice things when things seem negative. Thanks Liath and 2happy - I have actually been following that thread and just hope that his TT will get sorted at the appt next week and that it helps things improve.

Octo, Eca and Wo - my fellow april ladies.. thanks guys for popping in to cheer me on, you are sweethearts.

Littlepicklesmum - god I know that feeling - sometimes I can express a few ounces in 20 mins and other times, like yesterday, I sat attached to the thing for about that time and got half and ounce! Talk about demoralising, definitely not going to try and express for a while, I can´t see the point at the moment at all.

I went to the weekly breastfeeding/postnatal group today and felt so much better for talking to the lovely midwife who said she thinks he feeds well and the lack of weight gain is bound to be due to the thrush. In fact we weighed him and in 4 days he´s gained 110g so he´s already back on track! Now if we can just get the tt sorted things might just turn around a bit.. here´s hoping..