Making a total dogs dinner of feeding my newborn

[laurG]

Hi all

I have a two week old baby. He is growing and putting on weight but our feeding methods are a complete shambles.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I managed with the help of a therapist to come off alll meds whilst pregnant and coped well. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself and this triggers my illness as well as physical issue like ibs and migraines. These re also triggered by sleep deprivation. In pregnancy I decided that I would formula feed as I felt that it would take the pressure off of me and allow us to share feeds.

However, when the baby was born he latched on all by himself so I’ve ended up trying to breastfeed. However, I’m finding it totally and utterly overwhelming. He feeds constantly for hours at s time and I’ve ended up breaking down quite a few times. I’ve also had two really horrendous migraines which meant I couldn’t feed him for two days. Basically, I’m not coping very well and we’ve been combining feeds with expressed milk and formula. I’d say the split is 60% bf and 40% formula / expressesed milk.

I’ve been to milk cafes to check positioning and latch and it’s ok. But my son just feeds and feeds for hours. I sssume to stimulate my supply which probably isn’t the way he needs it to be due to all the formula. I’m in a catch 22.

I know bottles at this age are not good. I know tge diminishe supply and that if I really want to bf him I should stop. But i really don’t think I can risk my mental health. I’ve been so low with all the feeding and I think that my mental state is possibly more detrimental to baby than formula.

I could cope if breastfeeding became less demanding but I’m not sure I can handle the journey towards this. He’s been feeding since 6am this morning and fed breeds 6pm
And midnight yesterday. We the n gave him formula as I was exhausted.He won’t get off of me, even when he falls asleep.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I get no sympathy from midwives S they say I just slog it out. I do t even really know what I want. If I could ask up tomorrow and breastfeeding be established enough to give me some respite I’d go along with it. I want him to at the very least be getting some breast milk. Considering I wasn’t even going to try I think this is is an improvement. However, I worry that this bit of everything’s approach isn’t sustainable.

Has anyone mixed fed from birth with success? No one will give me any info on it as the hard line is you need to bf exclusively on demand for the first 6 weeks.

Any help most appreciated

Hi OP , well done for coming here and getting help. And well done for feeding your son. It is really really hard and though you will hear it a lot, it does get easier.

I combi fed from 10 days old as he was losing a lot of weight despite me feeding all the time. (It turned out it was a hormonal problem but that's beside the point).
My DS was feeding 24/7 and was still hungry and I got to a point where I was crying pretty much constantly because it never seemed enough for him.
The health visitor gave me a really simple rile rule to follow: 10/15 mins on each boob then UP TO 3oz formula in a bottle. If it was enough, I stopped. If he still seemed hungry I repeated the rule again: 10/15 mins on each boob, then up to 3oz again.
It literally saved my sanity. My DH was able to give the bottles so I had a break. As I got more well, I reduced the bottle feeds, though he is 8 months now and I still combi feed. Ironically he still has the same volume of milk as he did at 3 weeks because the lack of stress allowed me to get my supply sorted.
I know it is the "wrong" mantra but I didn't care about "damaging" my supply- baby got the goodness of the boob and the fill of the bottle.
He was 7th centile when I started and now he is 90th. So combi worked for me. Now I get the best of both worlds- a choice at all times of how to feed him.
Hope you are ok and hope it works for you. Let me know how you get on!

@OptimisticIntrovert

Thank you so much for the advice. I’m going to give this a shot. We’ve been trying to give the breast at each feed to keep him interested. Did you pump to increase your supply over time or did it just sort itself out?

I really want to make it work at least for a while. If I can get to a stage where he does t need the bottle then great but the end goal is just to try to keep up some breastfeeding without loosing my mind and enjoy it.

I mix fed dc1, he had a bottle at less than 24 hours old. Once he got through the hideous cluster feeding stage I weaned him off of bottles and he then fed until about 13 months when I was pregnant with dc2. Totally possible to mix feed and then get supply up for breastfeeding.

If breastfeeding is getting you down then there's nothing wrong with formula. Your mental health is so important, I would say more important than your DC getting breastmilk.

How about a sling for a newborn that is suitable for feeding, then you can walk around and go out?

I hope you feel better soon, I know how hard it is

Are the long feeds painful OP? Have they always been this long? There’s a growth spurt around 2 weeks where baby will feed constantly. It’s goid in some ways because it forces you to sit down and recover from the birth and spend time with your LO

Are you offering both sides @laurG? Have you tried Breast Compressions and has LO been checked for tongue tie. That’s not to say there is a problem, like I said all sounds normal and it could just be a growth spurt, in which case, drink plenty, eat plenty and watch your favourite box sets

Congratulations on your new LO too

I combi fed both of mine, with my youngest I fed as much as frequently as possible/as much sitting around as I could tolerate in the day and then did a top up of needed.I always gave formula top up if I was feeding after midnight so I could get some sleep. A dummy also helped with both of them. I combi fed them both until 5 months when we started weaning.

I did not try to wean off bottles as it worked out well. I don't think I had an supply issues. I did express with my first but did not bother/have the time with my second.

I think it is possible to do a bit of everything!

@JiltedJohnsJulie

Yes, feeds have always been long. He has no tongue tie but I do struggle to get him latched some of the time and He often falls asleep. I do breast compressions. I’m not convinced there’s much milk there I think that’s also part of the issue. There is no pain. He also just loves suckling so I’m also his pacifier. Think he may end up with s dummy

@stilllivinghere and @ gummiegodess good advice - no one is willing to give any advice other than breast only which makes my stress levels so much worse as I feel like a total failure/lazy mum. It’s good to hear that I’m not the only person crazy enough to mix.

If the feeds are always long, is it definitely not tongue tie @laur? There have been many MNers over the years who’ve been told it wasn’t, only to find out later baby definitely has it. It might be worth getting it checked again, with a tt practioner.

Like I said though, it could just be normal newborn behaviour, it’s hard to tell over the Internet

I think even going into this with excellent mental health, people find motherhood a huge shock. Your body has had to go through pg, Labour, birth and now you are responsible for a baby and are probably sleep deprived to.

I’d give one of the Bfing Helplines a call OP, now if you can. The BFCs are just that, fully trained Breastfeeding Counsellors and can help you to deal with how you are feeling. Have you got the numbers?

Sorry, that should have been @laurG. Didn’t mean to tag in a different MNer

If you really feel like your mental health is hanging in the balance, it’s really OK to stop. You are important too.

@jiltedjohnsjulie

I don’t have the numbers actually. There’s a nct one isn’t there? Bit scared to call as I think they will just give me the same line as everyone else, that breast is best and to stop using formula. Hmmmdyvr worth a shot though.

OP, introduce a dummy! Sooner rather than later! I wish I had done this - my boy was a great comfort sucker but I stuck to all the guidelines and by the time I tried to introduce a dummy and bottle he totally refused. Keep up a bottle a day too- they can quickly become averse to them if not having them regularly (despite what I read about/heard, I know far more babies who prefer the breast over the bottle than vice versa). 2-3 weeks is a hellish time: marathon cluster feeds and sleep deprivation are normal (not that that makes you feel any better). It will improve! Finally, please don't persevere if it's affecting you badly. Plenty of babies are formula fed and completely happy and healthy. Do what works best for you.

If you really feel like your mental health is hanging in the balance, it’s really OK to stop. You are important too.

This is completely true too of course. Please don’t think I was pressurising you to continue, I was trying to help make Bfing easier for you.

Combi feeding can work too of course, there is some information about it on Kellymom and of course, a BFC can talk this through with you on one of the Bfing Helplines

Well, what you're describing is normal for this age tbh OP. It sounds like he's doing really well.

If you think at the beginning they're get around 2 tablespoons of milk per feed. They have to nurse a lot to pass the information on to the boobs to make more.

It does get so much easier as time goes on. Really what was recommended if you can is to have a baby moon. Take you and baby off to bed and have someone feed and water you. Obviously that isn't always possible.

Breastfeeding was how I got into games consoles. If you have to sit down most of the day then it passed the time.

That said if you want to stop then stop.

Thanks everyone for these responses. 💗 mumsnet

I’m all for breastfeeding. Been through the very difficult newborn stage twice. Know what it’s like.
But, your mental heath is hugely hugely important. There’s some great advice above but I also wanted to add that there is nothing wrong with giving bottles. If it’s a bottle vs your mental health give the bottle and do it without guilt. Do what you can feeding wise without compromising your own Heath and the rest of the time give a bottle and look after you. Your baby needs you to be in good health more than he needs to be breastfed.
You’re doing brilliantly. Do not feel guilty or that a bottle is failure. Hang in there and be very very kind to yourself x

Just a heads up that if you do decide to stop then you might get 'the blues' for a few days. It's hormonal and it will pass.

Glad you are getting some advice OP- don't devalue your own mental health- your little boy needs his mumma to be as happy as she can.
With me it turned out to be postpartum thyroiditis leading to an underactive thyroid (by the time it was discovered I was at 5 percent of normal levels). If I hadn't used formula my little boy would be very, very poorly by now.
It is great stuff and don't let anyone tell you otherwise- if you can give him the boob as well that's extra great but don't feel bad if it isn't right for you both.
In my case my mantra became "always offer the boob first". If that works for you that's great.
I also phoned a LOT of helplines and they were really really fab, as were support groups. Sometimes it is good just not to feel you are alone with it.
In answer to your earlier question, I didn't really do any pumping or expressing to get my supply up- as soon as I had the combi feeding as a tool I found a more natural balance- less stress and pressure and sorting out my thyroid balanced it up.
You are doing a great job- keep looking after your boy, the rest will follow.

If he falls asleep at the breast, try some breast compressions OP, then when he settles back down, unlatch him and pass him over, if you’ve got an adult there. Some babies just like being close to you, it doesn’t mean they’re hungry, especially as he’s growing and putting on weight

Other things to try are putting him down when he’s asleep. Use a tshirt DH has worn as the sheet in his crib, the smell should be reassuring and try white noise, you can get a white noise app.

Most of all though, make sure you have a bath, eat well and don’t do too much.

The baby moon suggested above is a great idea. As a society we put too pressure on new mothers to be up and doing things. Listen to your body and your baby and rest and relax

The first baby does seem harder. I'm on dc2 and just breastfeeding now but I know what I'm doing, the first time I was teaching myself and dc1 how to do something I've never done before.

If it was affecting my mental health I wouldn't hesitate to give him formula. You're doing so well, many would have stopped before now.

Good luck OP! X

How are you getting on today @laurG?

Please please please don't risk your mental health for breastfeeding. I did and I look back with such regret that I didn't do what was best for my family and my baby - I persisted with it for 8 weeks and we all went through hell. Formula is a perfectly adequate way of feeding your baby and if it reduces your anxiety then that will be much more beneficial for him.

@JiltedJohnsJulie

Good thanks. I’ve been expressing and feeding Breastmilk via a bottle. Roughly 5 Breastmilk feeds and 2 formula. Needed a break from getting him to latch. Wasn’t working and I was way too stressed. So far I’m happy expressing as a compromise.