Cant get over not breastfeeding

[Wingingit2017]

Probably setting myself up for a beating posting this but I just can't move forward from this and just don't know what to do...
My baby is one and I gave up breastfeeding. Had no problems latching on when first born and went home feeding fine. Once home I was poorly and started to struggle with supply, tried pumping after every feed but found it hard every two hours with a three year old at home too.
Basically gave it up for a second time (didn't feed first son either) and I can't get over it.

Everywhere I look people are breastfeeding and everyone's comments on everything is always breast is best and my reply is usually through tears YES I KNOW!!
I've been to gp and she gave me tablets for depression but they aren't helping. I just can't seem to function it follows me everywhere I go. Every time they are I'll I'm convinced it's serious and it's my fault for not breastfeeding.
How the hell can I get over this?!

To some extent I'm with you OP, felt dreadful guilt stopping early on with my 2nd having BF my first. He was always ill as a toddler and I blamed myself entirely, he was also a bloody awful sleeper which I told myself was pay back for me thinking formula would equal more sleep. There's nothing I haven't linked to my failure to BF him, even how we bonded...

But you have to stop, I have a great relationship with my boy, I love him totally, he also did sleep eventually (now really well in fact) and I look back to when he was born, I was alone with a newborn and 2 year old as DH works away, BF for hours at a time just wasn't something I could cope with and I made the choice for me selfishly and my older child.

He's adored, cared for and absolutely fine. Fed is best right?

Oh lovely, I wrote a similar post recently as my DD is now 10 months and my first. She lost nearly 12% in weight after a difficult labour then ended in a EMCS so I expressed but found that hard and switched to formula.

Looking back, no one gave me any support to try and breastfeed again and I completely lost faith and confidence that I could, so I feel your pain. I've been in tears on and off through most of my maternity leave coming across all the benefits of breastfeeding trying to avoid posters in health centres and generally just envious of the mummy friends who succeeded.

However, I've started to turn a corner again and feeling more positive as my mental health was being impacted by the worry of not giving her breastmilk. She's perfectly happy and doing so well and I've decided to stay positive and be thankful there is an alternative. I'm focusing my energy on establishing a good diet. This is something I feel I have a little control over at least when she's eating and fully weaned. I think you just have to look at your child and see the bigger picture that, yes of course breastmilk/ formula is part of that picture and if you can breastfeed great, but also nurture is equally important factor and in a sense, not breastfeeding has made me not take anything for granted. I'm just pleased and happy that's she thriving and well and that's all we can ask for, plus I was bottle fed from birth and I'm completely fine. I have an usually good immune system. I just think don't let it shadow these early years, you can't change anything now, so just focus on the present and what you can do to impact your LO's life in a positive way 💜

Formula milk is a perfectly acceptable way to feed a baby in the western world where we have a access to clean water etc.
Plus if it were that important you would need to write it on your health forms as adults. I have never been asked when taking my medical history whether I was breast fed or not.
Stop being so hard on yourself, you have made a perfectly good choice for your baby.

BTW - i am very much pro breastfeeding and breastfed my own kids but I think we should stop laying the guilt on when it doesn't work out.

Oh I could have written much of your post with my first. In the end I got counselling to deal with my horrible all consuming guilt over the whole bf thing (it never worked “properly”, I expressed for months and months but it was horrible for my mental health and really impacted on my ability to bond with DC or enjoy anything). I also had guilt and upset over the birth (EMCS). The counselling (counsellor who specialises in birth trauma and peri-natal issues) was such a huge help and far more useful than the antidepressants that my GP (understandably) prescribed. Please, please look in to getting help - you may need to go private but it is really worth it.

If it helps, I have a lot of friends with kids and all the ones who were exclusively breastfed are always ill! Stomach bugs, ear infections and colds.

It will get easier to forget in time (my eldest is 8).