“Rod for my own back”? Also boob is falling off.

[HeavyMetalMama]

I have a gorgeous 10 week old who has ever been a fan of sleep. The only day he has is the day after his jabs! He’s always fallen asleep on my boob and the last weekish I’ve been putting him in bed with me (safely) from 5am so I can actually get some partial shut eye. He’s such a lovely happy little baby all smiles so I’m certain he’s getting enough sleep but some will say I’ve made a rod for my own back - he’ll only sleep when I’m feeding, walking around or lying with him. I’ve tried near on every dummy on the market and he won’t have it, just wants to comfort feed. I get nothing done! I do understand though that he’s only tiny And wanting mummys love is hardly a bad thing or out of the question and I love it too I just need to clean got 5 minutes.

Also I mostly feed from the left as daddy sleeps on the right side of the bed and it’s easier for me and baby. This morning my right boob felt like it had been run over! Feels so bruised, leaking when it normally doesn’t and huge rock hard lumps. So painful to feed I’ve done heat packs warm shower paracetamol and ibuprofen to no help. also developed reddish pink blotches on the boob - mastitis worry?

You should be swapping sides for each feed otherwise you will probably get mastitis.

My LO (16 weeks) sometimes falls asleep after breastfeeding but i always put her in her own bed (was moses basket now cot).

I also have always put her down somewhere safe so i can shower each morning, do bits round the house, eat meals etc. I let her cry a bit but will pick her up before she gets properly upset.

Yes they are only small but they have to learn they don't need to always be held. You need some time without baby attached to you. As long as they are safe it won't hurt them.

When i shower i lay her on her changing mat on the bathroom floor. Then she can see me and i chat away to her to keep her occupied. Could you try something like that?

When i'm in the kitchen i put the changing mat on the table so she can see me. Once she learns to roll over then i'll use highchair.

Would I have gotten all that just from missing 2 feeds from the right? I’ve fed from it as normal since and it’s not so hard or sore.

I do take him with me in his rocker chair, he fidgets and rolls a lot so needs to be strapped in to something lol. It’s just that he will only fall asleep in my arms, even though I put him down when he is asleep.

Whilst you have not made a rod for your own back, your lo has been lucky to have such a lovely start, after the first few months some babies need a little more support to be settled by themselves. I always fed to sleep at night until they were 8 months or so but from about 10 weeks I tried to get them to settle for naps without breastfeeding. Usually this was in the pram, bouncy chair, sling etc and only if I was confident they had been fully fed, was changed and had shown sleepy signs. This was hard work for ds1, not so hard for ds2 but ds3 was easy (thank goodness!)

Re your right boob... I’ve had exactly this too and I think I managed to fix it before it turned into full blown mastitis (which is an infection that makes you feel flu-ish). The best cure is just feed, feed, feed for a couple of days, swapping between the two breasts so that you use them roughly equally. You could also pump to extract it quicker but I found that wasn’t necessary. Hope you feel better soon.

Re the rod for your own back.. everyone will have their own view on this. I think it depends on what you’re comfortable with and what else you need to do. If you have only one baby and you’re going to be off work for a year with nothing much else to worry about then enjoy yourself and do whatever makes you and baby happiest. I’m going back to work when my baby is about 8 months so I know in the few months beforehand I’ll need to get her used to sleeping without being attached to my boob. But that can be a problem for tomorrow!

Sounds like you are doing great. Carry on if it’s working for you. This rod for your own back rubbish is just that, rubbish. Babies are who they are and whether they are super chill or high needs is down to personality, nothing you can do about it. My first was fed to sleep (bf and then formula) and we bedshared from birth. She needed lots of touch, rocking, motion, generally pretty high needs. She’s 5 now by the way and when she decided she was ready to sleep alone it was an easy transition (she was 3.5, but that was a choice to bedshare that long, it was easy and we like sleep!).

My 2nd is 13 weeks. We did exactly the same with him. He slept on one of us for the first month. Literally round the clock one of us would be awake holding him to sleep. After 4 weeks, we co-slept (bedside cot and also in our bed). He’s ebf, fed to sleep, etc. A few weeks ago, he started to just self settle on his own. I still feed him to sleep most nights but he’s slept through (9pm to 6/7am) most days the past few weeks. I’ve recently started to put him in his own room (he doesn’t feed during the night and sleeping together was mostly just waking him up). He sleeps better at 3 months than our dd did at 3 years! We parented them both the same, fed to sleep, etc. Only difference is our first was ff from 10 weeks. It’s just who they are. One needs more touch and has higher needs than the other. We didn’t magically make one easier than the otand you likely can’t either. I would do what works and get some sleep.

As for your boob, you definitely need to feed on both equally during the night. Make your partner move to the sofa, spare bed, or switch sides, or sit up to feed and lie baby gently down after. It is normal to feel engorged in the morning early on, but it shouldn’t be really painful or blotchy. Mastitis is hell so I would feed loads on that side this morning, take a shower and massage under warm water and call 111 to be seen urgently if it doesn’t resolve or you start feeling feverish, chills, etc.

Another way to use both breasts in the night without moving baby or your partner, is to move your body. You want to slightly tilt over towards your baby so the breast that was not being used is now in line with your baby’s mouth. You might feel like you are actually almost lying on your tummy. My little girl had refused to feed from my ‘non-used’ at night breast and using this trick she now feeds quite happily from it again. Basically I tricked her into thinking it was her favoured breast, because she was still lying in the same position. Hope it works for you!

Thank you! My other child is 10 so I’m a bit out of practice. He slept in with me from the first night home and still climbed into bed with me in the mornings at 5. The cuddles were lovely but sharing my bed (and slippers) with a handful of Lego and toy trains was slightly uncomfortable the way I see it I don’t like being alone at night so why would a tiny tot? They lived in my womb for all those months so why would they just decide they don’t need contact just because of a little thing like being born. I replied saying that I was possibly running the risk of my baby feeling... safe! Loved! Secure! The horror plus they both always start/ed out being put in their own bed every time and baby is in a co sleeper crib it’s just not close enough for him lol.

I’ve started feeding from the right side whilst lying on the left as you’ve said, it just took me a couple of days to get confident enough. Boob is soft and not so sore but it still has pink spots and I feel like crap but the latter could be because I’m so tired and because of the heat.

Thank you for helping

I tried to put mine down sleepy but awake whenever possible so sometimes she fed to sleep sometimes she didn't. It helped her get used to the idea. She also had to get used to the idea of being put down as DH went back to work at four weeks and we have no family support so I resumed cooking all the meals and taking showers etc without him being there (he works long hours and long commute). I'd simply make sure she was fed and then put in bouncy chair or Moses basket where she could see me - then keep her entertained - song and dance routine in the shower etc
Same with cooking - choose things that aren't too time critical and make sure she'd fed before I started, then into bouncy chair in kitchen or mat at kitchen door or Moses basket if asleep.

Great ideas! My OH has gone back to work but even beforehand as baby is EBF he always thought he just wanted mummy so more than once I hopped out of the shower still covered in soap but I think we’re coping better by ourselves lol he seems to love Mr Tumble’s voice so on goes the YouTube Mr Tumble nursery rhyme video, in the rocker chair next to the shower and I sing along and peek round the corner and I’ve had a shower 2 days in a row now not just long enough to flick a bit of water at myself.
I’ve had the same meals the last few days but still it’s tasty. Warmer months are for the slow cooker but now I put veg in the steamer, meat in the air fryer with sweet potatoes and then at least it won’t burn as it’s on a timer even if it is cold when I eventually eat! I think it’s largely because baby wants to eat ALL the time

You can kind of roll half over and lean towards them to feed off the top boob in bed.

I have done that the last 2 nights thank you :)

I have no idea why my boy will only get enough from the right boob. If I start him on thto left he drains it quickly then gets so frustrated til he’s put on the right. If he’s just on the right he’s fine. Right gets easily engorged, left only has once and not as much (when milk initially came in). Right is huge, left is like an empty sock. This is ththe biggest battle I’m facing in bf so far, yet he refused the right for the first few days!

I’m the same - I produce lots more milk from right boob! Sometimes my baby gets really fussy feeding from right and wants to switch to left even though I don’t think there’s anything coming out. I think she just likes to comfort suck without having to worry about milk coming out! Now if only I could get her to take a dummy..

How old is yours can I ask? I’ve bought Nuby, Avent, TT CTN and Mam dummies and he just won’t have it. Sometimes he will in the car but only if I hold it for him and not for long. I even tried putting milk on it but this baby just loves boobie!

Or you could just feed on one side- I gave up with the left for similar positional reasons and it was fine. At about 6 weeks I think. Did it gradually so supply eventually dwindled and no mastitis. Still feeding from the right 2 years on (and only a teeny bit lopsided!)

Sorry if this has been suggested already as i only skim read the replies but the rugby ball position with the right swollen breast helped me before.. as did cabbage leaves in the bra. You could sleep with your feet where the pillow normally is and headwhere your feet normall are (upside down sort of) so that you are laying down with the other unused breast closest to the matt?
I remember being helped by the nct breastfeeding helpline before..look it up if youre in the uk.

Hi. I am in bed breastfeeding twins. They nurse to sleep with me. Lovely for them and like taking the batteries out as far as I concerned. Our older children transitioned fine to being in their own beds sleeping independently. Twins might be tougher but once they are over one I will make the effort. Do what works for you. I would be more worried about that red lumpy breast as that sounds like mastitis to me. Get expressing to clear the breast and feed plenty from that side. Good luck!

My baby is nearly 5 months now so I think the window of opportunity for her to take a dummy is probably closed I still try now and again but she’s just not interested. I really do want her to have some sort of comforter for when she starts Nursery in a few months so I’m going to try and encourage her to like a muslin cloth or something similar. I’ll wear it against me through the day and try putting it in her hand when she feeds etc.

@lulu12345 if I remember rightly my first wasn’t interested in a dummy til around 5 months ish, maybe a little earlier? Then all of a sudden just loved it.

Right boob is normal now, he’s drained it in this heat.

Currently laying with him, he fell asleep while I was running his bath at 8 and it seems that if he misses it he won’t sleep but he will sleep til midnight after a bath but only so far in his travel cot downstairs. He did nap really well in his bed a few days ago. I’m hoping a routine will work if it’s not too early

Ah right, that’s encouraging, I might keep trying then My first was the opposite - absolutely loved his dummy from a few weeks old and we’ve now got the opposite problem of trying to wean him off it at nearly 3 years old.

Great news on the boob front.

Fingers crossed for a decent nights sleep.

Good luck with it!
I’ve been laid next to him almost an hour I swear he’s more awake than before

I used to cosleep with all mine, you alternate sides so you don't get mastitis.