Should I give up breastfeeding 12 day old? So hit and miss and stressing us both out

[WhyTheHeckMe]

I have a 2yo who I breastfed exclusively for 7 months with no issues at all.
His latch was great etc.
12 days ago I had another baby boy who unfortunately went straight to the special care baby unit and stayed there for 24 hours. During this time he was syringe fed colostrum.
When he was bought out to me he latched on with no problems for the first feed but ever since has been very hit and miss. During our 5 days in hospital we had many support workers try and help but in the end they said I needed to start him on formula as he was not getting what he needed and he lost a lot of weight.
During this time we also had a big family tragedy which has meant that I have had to leave my newborn with family for a few hours each day while we sort funeral plans, so the fact he's taking a bottle of formula is actually quite helpful however I do not feel ready to give up breastfeeding.
I offer it at every feed when he's crying for milk, 80% of the time he refuses to latch and cries for a bottle. The other 20% he will latch straight away and feed beautifully

There is no reason for it. He doesn't have tongue tie and everyone that has observed his latch says it's perfect. I'm in no pain and I have plenty of milk that I'm able to express.

I loved the close bond of breastfeeding and feel like at 12 days he's too young to lose this, however spending 5 mins each feed trying to get him to latch is becoming very stressful for both of us. I cry over it and dh is now of the opinion I need to just give up and give him the bottle if this is what's making him happy.

I rang the local bf support at the hospital and they said there was no point in seeing me because it's not like me or baby don't know what we're doing, it's just that he prefers something else.

Should i admit defeat and move on, for both of our sanity? Any advice would be gratefully received

If it's causing you stress, I'd stop. I think breastfeeding is great but it's not that important. Enjoy your baby.

You don't have to 'admit defeat'! Mix feeding is a good alternative as is formula. There's no point distressing yourself, formula will still feed him.

At 12 days you still have plenty of time to establish feeding if you want to, but you haven't failed if you don't.

Congratulations on your baby!

Your story sounds very much like mine, DD also spent 24 hours in the NICU and struggled to latch the majority of the time. When she did latch it was perfect. The problem in my case was that dd wouldn't latch when hungry, she preferred a bottle of expressed milk as it was easier to get. When she wouldn't latch I would give a small amount in a bottle to take the edge off the hunger and she would then latch afterwards for the rest of the feed. Might be worth a try

A couple of things stand out to me - firstly try to get him on before he gets upset. If he knows how to latch, chances are he's too worked up to figure it out & that's obviously stressful for you too.

Secondly, find another support group and don't be fobbed off. There are lots of peer support groups on the NCT website.

Also, cut yourself some slack. You've clearly got a lot going on, but consider whether giving formula is actually the right decision or whether combination feeding could be best of both worlds.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but congratulations on your baby boy