Help to stop BF 16 month old

[AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo]

Hi, desperate to find someone with experience of this.

DD is 16 months, I’ve been incredibly fortunate that she has always BF like a dream. However she has always been an incredibly “spirited” baby...writhing, wriggling, thrashing around the whole time she feeds. At about 5 months I felt totally “touched out” by her but continued as she’s a solid bottle refuser (tried every bottle since she was 4 days old). Now I’m so beyond that and into really quite resenting it.

Since she started nursery at 11 months she’s been constantly ill, teething (late teether) or going through a leap...and in turn constantly demanding (lifting my top up, scratching at me) boob. It’s gotten particularly bad the last month and she’s feeding 8+ times a day (thankfully nightweaned as just send DH in). Now she has top teeth she bites one, scratches the other, while doing gymnastics. If I try to take her off (to show her she needs to feed gently) she bites down even harder.

I love her to bits and know she’s needing more closeness because she’s poorly/just started nursery/ I’m back at work etc. Instinctively I know I should just go with it and give her the reassurance she needs. But I’m so fed up with being touched, undressed and hurt without any say in the matter. I literally feel violated by it and am having to mentally disassociate myself from what is happening (sexual abuse survivor).

I feel I can carry on if she would cut down the frequency, but how can I do that when she physically helps herself?

Has anyone experienced this? Please tell me it’s a temporary thing and she’ll cut down soon

I don't have any answers, but would love to hear what others say. I'm currently being chomped on by my 18 month old and I hate it

Well thank you anyway, I feel a bit better to know I’m not the only one! It seems harder to give them a “nudge” towards weaning the older they get.

Anyone????

Bump bump bump!

Do you want to cut down slowly, or just stop? Both are possible, both will likely involve some crying, one does leave you at risk of engorgement/blocked ducts.

I’d happily cut down slowly, but don’t know where to start as it’s not a case of “I’ll drop the 10am feed” as there’s no routine to it.

I work long shifts so might not see her for 48 hours and she still goes straight for my top the second she sees me.

If she's fed recently, then you could perhaps decide that (e.g.) you won't let her feed again for 2-3 hours minimum, and stop her when she paws at you. Distract with a toy or offer a cup of milk, snack, etc and say "no, mummy's milk is resting, would you like milk in a cup/a cuddle instead?" or similar? Honestly, any approach will work as long as you are consistent and don't give into crying.

I had this.

First we night weaned (yes, just sent DH in) then I cut down the day time feeding every day, not just the nursery days, after that I started to cut down the after nursery boob - instead it was cuddles and a yummy snack on the sofa. Actually sitting down and snuggling for as long as needed whilst he dropped crumbs down me. Once that was established I found the snack and snuggle wasn't as necessary and he stopped asking for boob at that time.

Then I busied us between that feed and bedtime boob so I was only feeding morning and night, just used distraction and only gave in if he was really really persistent and not satisfied with a cup of milk and a cuddle. Once that was routine, I cut the night feed - we now have 'hand booba' (he kisses the boobs and then holds once whilst we cuddle). He's got used to that and doesn't need it every night.

Finally I cut the morning boob. That was the hardest as it gave me a bit longer in bed! It was also the one he wanted most (I thought bedtime boob would be hardest to stop). I did it by us just getting up when he woke, even if that was 5am. he quickly decided there was no point in waking up that early. On the odd occasion he did wake and get in bed with us, we just had hand booba.

Sorry just seen your update.

As you don't have a set feeding routine, it might best doing the cuddle and snack on the first seeing her after work feed and then use distraction. She wants the comfort.

Thank you both for replying.

Queen I think that’s my problem. She starts crying and I feel like such a monster for not giving her comfort that I give in.

I guess like unexpected says, I need to be forearmed with an alternative form of comfort.

This morning before nursery I pointed out the chair in her bedroom where she has her bedtime feed and said I think it should be our boobie chair. Hoping I can then say “When we’re home/only in the chair so Mummy’s comfortable”, then work on limiting the amount of time I’m near it!

As it's not the feed she's wanting it's the comfort of being so near to you could you try cuddles instead. They will be frantic because she'll pull at your top still but she'll then slowly get the message that she can get comfort in other ways.

It's tricky as if she doesn't see you for 48 hours I imagine she's desperate for a breastfeed. Are you able to work more predictable times?? I guess she doesn't know when she'll see you next which may be why she's so frantic about it.

What does she drink when you're not about? Cows milk?? Are you happy to keep breast feeding?

Sounds like you need some help too if it's raising some feelings from when you've experienced abuse. Women's aid may be able to offer some support.